Is he lying?

[UserR]

Hi all

I'm going to show this to my DH to gain others opinions because apparently I am the ONLY woman on the planet that thinks the way I do.

Long story cut short, he has said that he stopped taking cocaine ten years ago, due to him lying and doing it behind my back for many years.

Anyway fast forward ten years, we have 2 children and every time I get anxiety about it he reassured me he's stopped.

He has a friend who used to do it with him, and who he's been still seeing these past ten years, fair enough, I was told I had to trust that even if the friend does it he doesn't.

I had asked him when he's seen him if his friend still does it, he always claimed he doesn't know etc etc. And even if he does I should trust him etc etc. But they never even speak about it blah blah.

Today I used his phone for something and I saw a message from this friend basically saying that he's been off the gear 2 weeks cause the kids have been in, but from next Friday he's got a house full of coke again. The message initiated that my husband should come over.

I started shaking and confronted him about why he's saying that and that he's lied to me all this time.
Huge argument later, (I was speaking calmly but he started shouting getting defensive) he's got nothing to prove to me after ten years, that he's been telling the truth and he doesn't care what I think anymore because after all this time I should trust him.

Funny how 2 people who have been friends for all this time should then know he doesn't do it anymore, so why would he message him that?????

Apparently I'm twisted in my thinking and I'm the only woman on the planet that would accuse him. And that everyone else wouldn't have batted an eyelid because they should "know their husband!"

So, AIBU?

Ask him to take a drug test to prove he doesn't use and then it will settle the argument once and for all
If he refuses then sad to say drugs are more important to him than his marriage and you have your answer

Of course he's lying.

Sadly, not many can just give it up. I know many people of both sexes where this would be the end of the relationship.

It’s very hard to give it up. My neighbour has been done for supply and possession three times now. They are still using. Even though they will lose the house if he gets jailed this time as the mortgage won’t get paid while he’s in there. They just can’t seem to stop. You wouldn’t notice they were users though. Working, well turned out etc. I had no clue until the police huckled him.

Defo drug test. If he refuses then it’s likely he’s still using.

Does anyone know if a hair test can detect it?
May be easier to pinch a strand of hair out of his head (and blame it on your bracelet catching a hair) and send it off without him knowing, to see if he’s been using? That way you will know for sure. Don’t know if that’s possible or how much it costs though.

I hope you're not thinking that telling him what MNers think will help? We'll be written off as a bunch of hysterical neurotics.
Meh! I couldn't give a shit what he thinks of us, but I'm afraid I'm with the others on here. I wasn't born yesterday and it sounds to me as if he's lying through his teeth. Anger is the best deflection he can come up with.
He wants you to STFU so he can carry on his merry way.