Managing probably age appropriate general cheekiness and teasing

[thegreekgoddessofcheese]

I've posted in chat but had no responses, so....
AIBU to ask how you manage this behaviour?

My 10yo DS is a lovely boy generally, but he's reached that stage where we're starting to get a bit of backchat, and some mean teasing of his DB (8). A typical example: both DC's at the table. DS1 will say something a bit mean ("DB can't do 7 times table, what a baby!"). DS2 will start to get upset (he's a drama llama anyway). I'll tell DS1 to stop, but he'll carry on quietly, and then just laugh to himself, that cheeky laughter when they know they've done something wrong and think it's hilarious.
It's at that point i see red. I just can't take the bloody insolence. So I'll send him to his room, or tell him no console at the weekend, or some such. Then he'll get really upset, and I'll get accused of treating him unfairly.
And on it goes

But I'm not sure if I should just actually ignore it! I'm pretty sure this kind of behaviour is not untypical for a child of this age. And teasing sibling did also normal. That I really struggle with as I'm an only, so have no reference point for sibling relationships. DH, however, said his siblings were all generally awful to each other when they were growing up (they all get on brilliantly now).

How does everyone else manage this? Help!

Hey! Mine are a little younger, but do the same (also 2 boys). I try and say things like 'try and be nice to each other' 'stop teasing him' etc.. but I don't do much more. I remember my brothers teasing me a lot. It's all normal and part of being a sibling. As long as you keep encouraging them to look out for each other and praise when they are being kind to one another, I wouldn't go too crazy about the negative banter. Ask your older one to stop, but don't implement too harsher punishment. He's just being a normal older sibling

Siblings do fight and tease and pick at each other, but IMO this sounds more like bullying. Your DS10 is orchestrating the conflict, and then refusing to stop after he has been reprimanded. If for no other reason than he needs to learn that when you tell him something he is expected to obey it, you need to put a stop to this now. Also your DS8 might be a "drama llama" (and believe me I get it - I have one DD much more sensitive than the other) but he needs to feel safe and comfortable at home. It should not be a place of additional drama.

He’s deliberately being unkind. Come down on it hard

Conflicting replies already!

Decide what’s acceptable in your home and then stick to it.

I have decided that I don’t allow teasing/unkindness. If my kids are unkind to each other, even by accident - they get reprimanded. I want them to be considerate of others feelings and get that things that may not upset them may upset others.

I think his teasing is mean. And the laughing that someone is upset. So he's finding joy in someone's misery. He's picking on someone smaller than him so they'd be less resourceful at retaliating.

By my own admission I'm not very strict with a lot of things but things like kindness and consent I'm straight on.

In a similar situation I would say something to ds1 like stop you're being mean. And take it further if it didn't stop (and have no qualms saying they're being a bully). I say a lot, if both people don't find it funny it's not funny.

But I'd also tell my ds2 to stick up for himself. Like something like, ds2 tell him you don't like him being rude to you and to stop (with my children o consciously try to give them ways to say they don't like something. I think it's important to have words to be able to defend yourself or say you don't like something and the confidence to say it).

I think it is normal for a ten year old to tease and be a bit of a pain tbh. But parenting is about repeating messages and hoping they sink in. What if he goes to high school and thinks it's funny to upset the year 7s when he's in year 10 or something similar. They'll be loads of times your not there to fight their battles but when you are I try to give them tools to fight for themselves (and love in hope that they work when I'm not there 🤞)

Teasing is normal between siblings, but if you can see that it is upsetting one of your children it is your job to step in. I would give one warning, and then if DS continued being mean send him to his room until he is ready to apologise as a starting point. If bad behaviour continued then would be the time to withdraw gaming time/treats etc.