Body shaming

[6079SmithW]

I am really cross but I don't know if I'm BU?

Backstory: I am approximately 4 stone overweight and have been for pretty much the last 15 years when (at first general malaise then) health issues meant that I stopped exercising and starting self medicating with food.

I have two DD under ten. I am fat and miserable. No one wants the girls not to get fat more than me but since they were born I've had issues with my (now ex)DH's family around food. My MiL tried to feed them fat free yogurt/skimmed milk etc from the get go. My FiL is constantly telling them they can't eat to much fruit (because it has too much sugar), restricting after school snacks etc. However (and this is a separate issue but really pisses me off) despite this takes them to McDonalds on a near weekly basis.

Anyway - just today found out that on a recent visit to inlaws for MiL birthday BiL made the DD do 100 star jumps before they were allowed a piece of birthday cake. My DD are not overweight (have a normal BMI) but do have a little bit of belly. AIBU to think that this is body shaming from my BiL? And am I overreacting or could this general behaviour lead to food/body issues in the future?

That is absolutely vile. Making food a reward for anything, but especially something that has to be 'earned' through exercise is not going to help anyone have a healthy relationship with it. Your daughters should not be punished because you happen to be overweight.

You need to make it clear to your ex-ILs that this kind of thing will lead to them having restricted access to your daughters. Does your ex do it as well, or can he be trusted?

Your in-laws sound like they also have shit relationships with food.

BIL is a cunt for bullying your babies like that. I would tear him a new one. In fact, I would leave my children with someone trustworthy, drive over there and have it out with him. How fucking dare he?

What?? Made them do 100 star jumps? And they could only have a piece of cake after they did that? Is he out of his freaking mind?
I would be furious. I want my children to have a healthy relationship with food. And that is accomplishing the opposite.

A 100 star jumps? That’s a lot! Could there be some crossed wires here from your DD? Have you spoke to your in-laws to find out what happened?

I phoned exDH and he confirmed that it happened. I asked him if BiL made anyone else do it (he didn't) and explained how I felt, that it was body shaming the girls. He didn't see anything wrong with it (which is why I posted my AIBU because I wanted to see how other people would have reacted). If it was an isolated incident I don't think I would have been so angry. It's just their whole approach to the DD's food etc.

That's horrendous OP. Can you go NC with them?

Wow, my kids would not be going back there. Enty of ways to get kids to be fit and healthy without singling them out and demanding the do exercise to be allowed a bit of cake. Your exbil sound like a right knob and I would be telling him that.

Nope. Don't submit your babies to thy king of abuse. How utterly vile

Tbh I’d be more annoyed about them being fed McDonald’s. It’s obviously coming from a place of huge ignorance but equally it’s hardly going screw them up. Don’t feel bad about what’s happened but maybe try to limit how much time they spend with these people in future, god only knows what other moronic crap they might subject your children to.

Your in-laws sound like they're part of some weird cult.
They are not the parent - you are. You decide what is appropriate for your children, not them.
And as for the star jumps - your ExH is a wimp if he won't stand up to his brother over this. It's disgusting.

Is the next step going to be to encourage the girls to make themselves vomit after eating?

Because it's on the same continuum of behaviour by children & young people who have come to believe they're too fat and have an unhealthy relationship with food.

You are not being unreasonable - it's abusive.

This behaviour is not acceptable by any means - but I would find my own ways of dealing with their food as them having a bit of a belly can spiral if you have a tricky relationship with food and I would want to ensure they don’t face any issues in either direction!

Wow!
I am all up for being honest about body weight and not to get fat (for whatever reason!) but 100 star jumps before a cake? They are kids!!!
What’s wrong with them? BIL is absolutely out of order - and inconsistent, re McDonalds... 🤔

@6079SmithW
And I hope you are working on your weight (they might use you as a bad example - if you don’t do 100 star jumps you will end up like your Mum) don’t give them this opportunity

Yuk this is disgusting! It is not your BiL role to mediate your child food choices especially hypocritical ones!

I'd be furious!

Did your DD explain further? How she felt etc? I'd be making it clear to my child that anything that makes her uncomfortable/ embarrassed can be refused.
Fucking dick.

I felt queasy reading that! Fuckin' ell!

FFS. PLEASE stop your kids going to the IL until your DH calls them out for their vile behaviour!

Thanks for all your responses.
I wouldn't want to go NC or stop the DD seeing exH's family. They have real love for the DD and I understand they probably think they are looking after them (in some bizarre way).
I will talk to exH again and discuss what he should be saying/doing when his family start going down this road.
Thanks @TickTockBaby I'm going to talk to DD again too and make sure they do understand they can say no to anything they don't want to do.
Also thanks @andyjusthangingaround I am finally getting myself together to try to shift some of my weight and tackle my underlying issues too. I really want to be a good role model for the DD and the truth is that when it comes to food I'm not.

That was abusive. You need to get your ex to understand that if he can't keep the kids safe then it will be supervised visits in the future

This is awful, it may encourage your DD to have an unhealthy relationship with food, she may go the other way & not eat as she doesn’t feel she deserves it. How awful

That's absolutely awful. You sound very concerned about your own relationship with food, which is sad but you are not on your own. I hope you can take some steps towards that and in so doing helping your girls have a happy relationship in the future. Your in laws sound nasty and like they might have contributed to shitty things for you. Fuck them. You take care of yourself, if your big happy and healthy awesome. If your bigger and sad and don't feel healthy then I hope you can get some support in RL to get where you want to be. Stay strong and don't let that kind of shit bring you down.

Restricting fruit but taking them to McDonald’s? Wtf?

Bizarre