To ask what age you would let your child let themselves in after school?

[thegreekgoddessofcheese]

Having a chat with a friend about this yesterday. Our DC's are in yr5. Currently walk home from school independently, but parents are home already.
My DF is considering do this in yr6, if her DC feels comfortable. They'd be at home for an hour or so before a parent returns.
I hadn't thought it as something that would be considered before they start secondary school really. My DS is a bit away with the fairies, I'd worry about lost keys etc. I leave him alone at home for short periods already.
I know I wasn't allowed until I was in second year of secondary, but I think my DPs were being a bit super-precious!

So, what do people think / do?

My 11 year old has no road sense, I have tried in vain but he's such a a daydreamer. So I can identify with this article - www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4427130/Children-not-safe-cross-road-14.html

Wouldn't be a problem for me - I never lock my door...

My older daughter from age 11. My second daughter is nearly 11 but still hates being on her own anywhere.
Youngest son age 8 is asking to be left alone at every opportunity.

If second daughter would walk home with ds from school and let themselves in, I'd be home in 30 mins and it would solve my childcare issues.

She refuses though!

Occasionally in their first year at secondary, building up to 2-3 days a week. Never in primary.

Used to live in a lower/middle/upper school area. Middle school started in year five (ie. 9 years old) and all pupils would independently walk to and from school at this age.

End of Y5/start of Y6 for my DDs. DD2 is in Y6 and at home for upto 2 hours after school a couple of times per week. Door key has a dog tag keying with my mobile number on it in case she leaves it somewhere, neighbours and local cafes are perfectly ok places to wait if key goes AWOL.

It depends on the DC. DD has a friend from EE her parent's don't have any support and work long hours, she let's herself completes her homework, some tidying, turn on the oven at 5pm. She is nearly 11 but independent and very mature. DD OTOH would not be safe alone, I'm not sure when or if it will happen she is very anxious.

About half way through year 6 he asked if he could just come home instead of going to the child minders and we agreed. The child minder lives on our street so was there if he needed her and I only work 10 minutes away. I can't remember what we did about key but it must have worked. He is very switched on. Used to ring me as soon as he got in to let me know

My DD will do this later this year, towards the end of year 6. I will be home between 20mins and 1 hr later. Sometimes, her older sister will be there too. I realised that when Dd1 went to secondary, so have started leavening Dd2 for a bit on her own now, aged 10.

My 8 year old does this once per week - he finishes school at 11:30am on that day, comes home on the bus and gets to the house around 11:45am and is home alone until his teenaged siblings get in (also via bus and own keys) at 1pm.

As you may have guessed from the timings we're abroad It is completely normal here, we live in a village and he knows all the neighbors, it's completely expected and normal to look out for one another's kids, and the neighbors on either side are Sahm and offered to be his emergency contacts for school.

Primary school bags here have the key attachment built in and all my children had their own key attached inside their school bag "just in case" from their first day of school aged 6.

None of my children ever lost a key at primary school age, though dc1 managed to lose hers for the first time ever last month aged 14!

If they lose them we have a key safe hidden in the back garden which can be got to. I'm the only one who's ever used it when I locked myself out putting the bins out When dc1 lost her key she was with dc2 who had his.

Dc3 used to go to an after school club until last summer, but was constantly stressed and tired being out 6:50am, when his bus stops in our village, to 5pm when I'd pick him up, and was having problems verging on being bullied at the after school club plus the staff were telling me he often "flipped out" during homework time and they'd send him out to play, so he came home with homework still unfinished. He struggled with the noise levels at the homework club. He's so much happier and doing so much better with his school and homework coming home straight after school, his grades have improved and even his handwriting has! He's just happier. Letting him come home has worked well and he's very much capable and alert, his self esteem is better too.

It depends on your set up, but people here - including teachers - are incredulous that in the UK we'd send 4 year olds to school but wouldn't let a 6 year old walk home without a parent or an 8 year old stay home alone... A lot of what we think are "obvious" minimum ages for things are just cultural norms.

DS2 is 11( yr6) and I'm going to get him a key cut soon. It's unlikely he'd come home and I wasn't here, or his big brother, but he needs to start building up his independence and I feel this is a good place to start.

DS1 had a key from the end of year 5. He'd just started walking home from school with friends and I was normally behind him picking his brother up school

Y7 the other is in Y9 and does not have a key. We are limited to two keys for the communal door.

It really depends on the child, within reason obviously.

I would have loved my two to let themselves in from the year they started high school but they just weren't comfortable with it so we hung on until Year 8. Now they get left all the time - after school, while we're atvthe gym, go out to the pub - it's great! 😉

My 10 year old (almost 11) walks home with my 8 year old (he's almost 9) and let themselves in. My DD has a stretchy keychain which is secured inside her backpack so not easily loosable. They're then home alone anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on mine & DHs work schedule.

My DS is 3, so we have a long time before we need to navigate this. I'm grateful.

For those who have, I am interested to know what ground rules you've talked about. Things like not opening the door, discussing trusted people nearby etc.

Well I've no idea what age year 6 is since I'm not English, really wish people would just put ages since school systems are different in different parts of the UK. Mine lets himself in now if I'm late home, aged 11, last year of primary here in Scotland.

Dd2 did from January of y6 when I changed my job. She’s wasn’t alone every day though as about half the time dd1 who is 3 years older would be there. She would be alone for about an hour and a half.

She’s pretty scatty so I did worry about lost keys, but here we are a year later and she hasn’t lost it yet.

Mine will start later this year when he goes to High School.

He will be 12.

Ds is year 7 and lets himself in. Dd is yr 6 and has started meeting her brother once a week to get the bus home with a view to her starting to get the bus home alone more over the next few months in preparation for going to secondary in September. She wont be home alone for long if at all as her brother will be there. We leave her home alone now anyway if going shopping etc.

@MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee

Our ground rules are; no sharp knives. Not opening the door to people you don’t know (unless I’ve told them to expect a parcel, and then they’re to say I’m in the bath rather than out). Be nice to each other when they are both there. Tbh that’s about it. They’re pretty sensible and there is a friend of mine who lives across the road, who dd1 baby sits for. They know to go to her if there is any major problem.

A couple of weeks ago so halfway through Yr 7 (aged 11). It all depends on the child as he's wanted to for a while but is often on another planet so waited until he know how responsible he had to be. Some of his friends have been 'playing out' since they were 7 or 8 and they're quite a feral bunch tbh now. It's not that nice an area so perhaps we've been over cautious.

My DDs were 9 and 7. They walked home from the village school along with all the other kids, let themselves in and fixed a cold drink and snack. They happily amused themselves until I got home from work about an hour and a half to two hours later. Occasionally I’d be held up at work (hospital doctor), but I always phoned and let them know, so they could get a sandwich while they waited. They knew which friends’ houses they could go to in an emergency, but it was never necessary. They’re 29 and 30 now, and have always been very independent and resourceful.

MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee it's something best built up to very gradually not introduced all at once via a talk.

Fire alarm practices, ensuring they can easily unlock the door with a key (this becomes their job for a while when arriving home together) and lots of practice at using the landline (phoning grandparents, their friends, practicing calling your mobile and finding your work number on the menu), plus running errands to the trusted neighbors so they are used to where their doorbells are and who to go to are important. We do those things from age 5, and start leaving the child alone in the house whilst walking 30 meters to the postbox or neighbor about then too if they are happy with that. Also generally building independence - going into a small corner shop to buy an item while parent waits outside, going to postbox themselves, going to the neighbour's house to return an item/ hand over or pick up a small parcel or whatever.

Other ground rules are the same for "without an adult in the room" even when parents are home - don't use the kettle/ toaster/ sandwich toaster/ sharp knife unless an adult is in the room has been a rule ever since they've been allowed to use those items.

Remembering to let those rules lapse at a certain age is important too

Build up gradually with practice so everything you expect is second nature. Plus ask "what would you do if...?" and see what they come up with.

I'm normally really chilled about these things, especially compared to some MNetters who are way OTT.

But 7 year olds and 'just turned 8'???

Not a chance in hell.