AIBU to ask how to deal with wasted time? Feel so low

[12monthsback]

I’m so unhappy, my weight is the root cause of all this. I’m 17 stone, and I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things because of my weight, and because I didn’t want to do anything. My kids are missing out, and I feel so frustrated and angry, because if I’ve just lost the weight things would have been different. There’s a great 24 hour gym just opened 18 months ago 5-7 mins from my house, and I often just sit back and think, if I’ve just signed up when it first opened I would have been 9/10 stone now. If I could just go 12 months back, and used that time wisely things would have been different.

I’m going to the gym 1st March, but I still can’t help but feel sad and frustrated over the ‘lost’ time.

Thinking about what you could have done in the past is absolutely pointless and irrelevant. It's what you do now that counts. Draw a line under the time passed, don't dwell on it or it will probably hinder your motivation and positivity going forward.

You've recognised your mistakes and you're working towards positive changes now. That's something to be proud of.

There is still two weeks till March 1st. Do you have to wait till then? If so, can you work in your diet and relationship to food in the meantime?

If you want to lose weight, you very likely need to change your diet. And you don’t need to wait until March to do that.

I think you need to just let go. For whatever reasons, things didn't happen in the past. However, your future is a blank page, so go ahead and write your own future. :)

The truth is that the past is (what we accountants call) a 'sunk cost', meaning it has no relevance for future decision making.

You've booked your session for 1 March. Make sure you go and ….. this time next year, you'll be here posting your progress.

Go or it. Stay focused. Let nothing and nobody get in your way.

Lots of luck

Don’t put your life on hold until you’ve lost weight! Just live it anyway and then you won’t be wasting time.

Joining the gym won’t help you lose weight unless you change your diet.

Why March 1st? Is it financial or just more procrastination?
It's poiness wondering what could have been different, you need to just start from now but also stop using your weight as a reason not to do stuff

Weight loss is mostly to do with diet, not going to the gym (although of course exercise is good for your health generally).

Well yes the time has gone but op you've booked in now! That's brilliant! It's not like you can never change your health/it's too late - you're already taking steps and that's fantastic, well done x

Weight loss is about 90% what you eat. So while the gym is a great place to build strength and fitness it isn't likely to hold all the answers I'm afraid.

And also don't beat yourself up. You sound very sad.

The gym won’t help unless you change your diet too. It’s 80%food, 20% exercise, you cannot outtrain a bad diet. Start eating better now and then once you go to the gym you will at least have your diet under control.

Ah poor you OP. You’re not alone - I think a lot of us can probably identify with your post.

But you are more than a ‘17 stone woman’, you’re a mum, probably a lovely person, seriously, lose the weight because you’re a great person who should be on this earth as long as possible. That’s it, really.

Is there a small step you could take today - cutting out something unhealthy from what you're planning to eat; going out for a brisk walk, doing some gentle exercises at home, for example. That could be the line drawn under your wasted time because you'd have started, and you'd already be on the way when your gym programme begins. You can't say for sure that if you'd joined the gym last year you'd now be at your goal weight, so don't dwell on that - try to look forwards, not backwards.

Maybe you should think about speaking to your GP about low mood. This sort of thinking - ‘Life will be so much better when I (lose weight/meet somebody/whatever)’ - is really destructive, and in my experience isn’t just about the thing you think you want to change, but also about how unhappy you are generally: this is just the most visible reason to pin the unhappiness on. If you feel like this issue is impacting all areas of your life, and your kids’ lives too, I’d encourage you to talk about that.
Otherwise: small steps. Go for a walk today. Do a yoga video on YouTube (Yoga with Adrienne is great.) You absolutely don’t have to go to the gym to lose weight, and you also don’t have to wait until 1st March. If you had a friend who said they were absolutely desperate to stop smoking, and in the next breath that they would quit on 1st March, wouldn’t you be a bit ?

Op I totally "get" this but you know yourself that you can't change the past but you CAN change your attitude to how you perceive it. You weren't in the right place to exercise at that point but you are now. It is what it is.

What would be more fruitful to address is what are the reasons that you held back initially? What are the practical issues that stopped you from going eg childcare? What were/ are you afraid of? What arrangements or support systems can you put in place to help you succeed this time?

And don't place so much pressure on yourself. A seven stone weight loss is significant. There's no guarantee you would have lost that amount in 18 months. Diet obviously is very significant as well as exercise. Will you be seeing a professional at the gym the first time you go? Maybe talk to them about realistic expectations? It presumably has taken a while to put the weight on, so it may take a while to lose it too with a holistic weight loss programme involving healthy eating and exercise.

Good luck

Move on.
Beating yourself up is just negative; think positive about what you are going to do, starting now - no need to weight until the gym

As pp said, your intake is far more important than your exercise level for this

• weight loss is 90% diet for most people, even regular exercisers You can eat in 1 minute what it takes an hour of exercise to burn off

So, start today on a new plan for what you eat - and drink
Have a daily walk outside, to gently start on fitness

Both steps will set you up well to start the gym program

You don't have to wait until the 1st march - start now! Reduce your portion sizes or start introducing more fruit and veg. there are also loads of free workout videos on YouTube. Start with some of the beginners stuff so you can build your confidence.

Get yourself on YouTube and type in low impact aerobic workout. It'll be 10-15 mins of your time.

Do this before the gym. Don't waste anymore time.

I swear that when you start exercising, and seeing the difference you'll start feeling mentally better.

Go for it

You can't go back to the past it's gone, you can only move forward. It doesn't matter what you haven't done but what you do next that counts. You need to let go of your regrets, It's hard enough to stick to a diet and exercise regime as it is, it'll be impossible if you start with your head full of thoughts of your 'failure'.
Write off yesterday, start again today.

You can't go back and change the past, but you can start where you are and change the future.

Start now by cutting down, and upping your exercise at home, to make a change before you go to the gym on the 1st if you can't before then.

Oops I cross posted with lots of people.

But seriously the YouTube stuff is fab.

Oh I totally get this. If I've been on a diet (or should I rather say I embarked on a healthier lifestyle) when it goes tits up I'll think 'if I stuck to that diet I started a month ago I'd have probably weigh less and feel a lot better by now'
My fiance is also the same and is trying to build muscle, he'll have a period of going to the gym, end up falling off the horse and think if I'd continued the last 3 months I would be so close to my goal right now.
It's a shit feeling but I think it's common and changing habits is bloody hard!
I've realised I need an incentive to do it. Whether it be for my health, to fit in a certain dress or having an important date come up. For me this time it's my wedding and I'm 5 weeks in and a stone down. I haven't lasted 5 weeks in a couple years so I definitely think an incentive helps. You can do it!!

Agree with PP that being consumed with regrets is a waste of emotions and time. Turn it around and look at the positives. You are going to the gym on March 1 - great. But before then, work some exercise into your life - it will produce feel-good endorphins which will lift your mood and spur you on. Start with just walking. Aim to walk a certain distance each day and gradually increase it. If you can, jog for a bit, if only to the end of the street. Running is free (I do it) and can fit in easily around other responsibilities. Good luck OP. Take charge and you can do it.

If you want to lose weight, you very likely need to change your diet. And you don’t need to wait until March to do that

Agree. You can lose weight without any exercise at all, log on to MyFitnessPal and start tracking what you actually eat. You can work out you TDEE here, reduce it by 20% to lose weight.

tdeecalculator.net

It’s great you want to lose weight and improve you fitness. Good luck!

What are your kids missing out on? Can't you do some things with them?