Awkward issue with friend

[beckywiththeshithair33]

I've had a friend for 15 years. In our youth we were very close but never really had very much in common. She's a very showy, dare I say stuck up person whereas I'm quite laid back and had a much more humble upbringing. Throughout our friendship she has consistently made digs about things I like, places I go on holiday, other friends of mine - as if to say they're lower class or chavvy. She's quite selfish and self centred too. I put up with all of this for many years but as I've gotten older I've started to realise that life's too short to waste time on so called friends who make you feel rubbish about yourself. So in the last few years I've distanced myself a bit.

The thing is she has recently announced she's pregnant with her first baby. In some ways I feel like I should step up and be supportive (she's always made effort with my dc despite her flaws) but because we've sort of lost touch a bit now it feels very awkward to reach out and go visit when the baby arrives and so on. I still haven't changed my feelings about the friendship - I do think we've grown apart - but I still care about her. What do I do?

Do you have children? Because if you do things will be worse than ever. She will be the better parent, have better things for her baby , her baby will be so much more advanced etc. She does not automatically need your support just because she is having a baby, and being a mother does not prevent her from being smug and selfish. I would still remain distant but polite

I think it would be odd to make contact now just because she's pregnant if you've not been in contact for a long time .
Message to say congratulations and that's that , She may have changed but unlikely

I would just say congrats and leave it at that.

Did she contact you directly or did you see an announcement on social media, hear it from someone else? If she reached out to you and contacted you directly I'd congratulate her and send a card and maybe a gift when baby arrives. But I wouldn't make any special effort to rekindle the toxic friendship. If you just saw it on SM, I'd post congrats on her post and possibly send a card when baby arrives.

I think you can say congratulations, be polite and so on, but not engage further. If she wants you to be closer let her make the move to contact. I doubt she will be that bothered and when the baby arrives will be busy with other friends and others she can show off to.

If you’ve grown apart and she makes you feel rubbish anyway, it isn’t a problem.

We are still in touch but nowhere near as much as before. She has become a lot closer to another mutual friend and when I do see or talk to her she makes a point of telling me all of the things they've been doing together. It's all very childish.

Yes I have dc but mine are 7 and 9 so there'll be no baby comparisons.

I just feel it's a big thing to go through and if I don't reach out or make any effort then it probably will spell the end of our friendship for good.

She did question me about why I felt we'd drifted but when I tried to explain she just wouldn't accept it and made out that I was the crap friend for reducing contact. She can't see anything wrong with her behaviour.

Do you have children? Because if you do things will be worse than ever. She will be the better parent, have better things for her baby , her baby will be so much more advanced etc.

And even if you didn't (I know you've said you do) you'd always have to make allowances and inconvenience yourself to fit around her schedule because she's a mother, so more important.

TBH if you've already tried to tell her what your issues are with the friendship and she's responded by refusing to listen to you and blaming you, I think you've done all you can to save this friendship.

You can give yourself permission to drop it. You tried to retrieve the situation, she made it clear that she won't meet you half way and she will only be your friend on her terms.

Don't beat yourself up.

Send a card when the baby is born then leave her to be super mum.