Is it control ??

[K0ch4n13]

I am wondering if my husband is right on this subject.
I visit my mum who lives abroad only twice a year. I wanted to use school holidays and visit her with my son for 2 weeks but my husband was saying that I should not go for more than a week because I've got my responsibilities towards the family here. And apparently everyone thinks like he does? I don't agree. He should not decide how much time I can spend with my mum just because he can't go, he should not try and make me feel guilty that there are mother and wife responsibilities I should be thinking about. He also said I could go more often for a week at the time but this cost a lot more and it's something I can't afford. Am I wrong here? Or is it control ?

Depends, what does he mean by 'responsibilities'at home? Other children, pets, a big house project going on? Or he needs his wife at home to cook and clean?

Well I don't know why he would suggest this. Does he see all house stuff, cooking, shopping as wife work that he's not supposed to do as he works and pays?
I lived abroad, and Dh hated to come visit family with me. So I took the kids on my own. We'd do anything from 2 weeks to 6 weeks. He had no problem with this as he did his own thing while we were gone. He'd also decorate and do his hobbies so was busy.

I belive he's trying to control me. He said to me that as a wife I should be at home and look after it and him too. Just house duties. Nothing else. And me being a good wife to him, maybe he wont addmit ge doesnt like to be alone? I dont know?What surprised me was that he was saying everybody think like him and he does it often in any arguments. He even thought that he's mum would question why I would want to go for 2 weeks to see my mum and that this would seem odd to her. I think it's horrible what he does and it really hurts. But just reading answers tells me that I'm not unreasonable arguing this point. Thank you

Maybe he should go ask his dm in person why he is such a twat - and then stay there...

You talk about taking your DS, I assume he is your only child?
What other family responsibilities are there? All he has to do while you’re gone is feed himself and keep the house from burning down, surely?

Yes I've got one child. So there is not that much he has to do when I'm away at all. That's why I didn't understand he's point of view..so I asked on forum.

If it's cooking, cleaning and sex, he's wrong.

If you wanted a dog and he didn't, he might have a point. But then you could board it for a week.

Did your Mum move after you had your child? Or did he know that this would be the situation?

Parents who have separated have to put up with the other parent going on holiday with them.

Your DS is getting to know his Grandmother and your Husband should be supportive of that.

Name change fail?

He doesn't have a point. If he desperately missed your Son, he would, but should still get passed it.

Is there cultural expectations from him in regards to wifely duties?

Have you name changed? @anber are you the OP?

How old is your son-are you having to take them out of school? If not, I don’t see the problem. What does your husband think you should be doing at home?

Name change fail or another poster in a similar situation?

Do you have shared finances or is he offering to contribute towards further visits? What are your so called responsibilities at home? If I am right he is happy for you to go away for eg six weeks per year in week slots but not four weeks over two trips. It depends what he thinks you need to be at home for really - if cooking, cleaning and sex then yanbu.

Yep he’s being controlling. It’s your choice to make

Does your house go back to the 1950's when you're away?
You're taking your child with you, your dh has two weeks to do as he likes. He should be pleased.
Go for 2 weeks and have a great time.

Do you have lots of annual leave? If you go twice a year then that’s a big chunk of leave to use so how much is left for time together? Finance wise, do the cost of the trips fall to him?

Too little details to know if it’s controlling or not.

If he said it was because he would miss you all too much I could feel sorry for him a little but it's the fact he wants you home to cook and clean for him.
It's also like it's not like a weekly thing and it's to visit your mum.
I think you need to do what is best for you and your son. Which is visit family in this case.
He sounds like a selfish twat.

I am a carer for my son who's autistic and I have holidays same time as school because I only work part time. So we spend plenty time together. He never said it's because he misses me.i can understand he might miss our son but it's not what he really addresses to me. He does not pay towards for any of my visits and actually if we come together as a family I have to pay for his tickets because he says he's doing it for me.

Absolutely he is controlling and a twat.

Protect yourself OP.

Why the hell would you (part time job), have to pay for HIS bloody holiday ticket (full time job), because ' he's only coming for you' !!!!!! WTAF ??????

Tell him to bloody well grow up ! YOU are a grown up, with your OWN priorities, of which HE is NOT the first ! YOU and your DC are your 1st priorities !

You go and see your mum for as long as you bloody well want to, and tell him he's not fuckin well invited anyway ! Not on THIS holiday, or ANY OTHER bloody holiday either !!

I can't believe the moronic dialogue he spouts ! Does he actually know it's NOT 1950 anymore ????

Thank you all so much. I thought I was going crazy thinking he's out of order.