Opinions please - texting on a night out!

[SconNotScone]

I wanted to ask for your opinions on something my husband and I disagree on - just to be clear, I’m not losing any sleep over this, and not planning to LTB! Just quite curious - perhaps it is a male/female thing, or maybe I’m the one who is BU?!

So if your husband was on a night out (in a different city, staying over with friends, so you’re aware and happy he won’t be back that night) and you texted him quite early on in the evening saying “have a good night. Any idea what sort of time you’ll be home tomorrow?” - would he reply to you at some point during the night?

For context, I texted late afternoon to say “hope you managed to get away from work on time”. He was driving straight there, so got a reply a couple of hours later - 19:30ish - just arrived. I replied back immediately with the “have a good night, timings for tomorrow” text, but heard absolutely nothing.

It’s not the end of the world, we don’t have plans til the afternoon today, but it’s not the first time he’s done that! His opinion is that if you’re out with friends, it’s rude to have your phone out and be texting. I completely get that, and I agree in terms of sending multiple or lengthy texts to other people while you’re with company. But in my opinion, friends would understand you sending one quick text to confirm plans for the next day. These are all men in their mid-thirties, with wives and children, who I imagine would understand!

So MN, let me know what you think!

YABU = your husband is right, it’s rude to send even a quick text while you’re out with friends.

YANBU = you’re right, of course what’s the harm in one quick text?!

It’s more than one quick text, it’s asking him to predict when he will be home the next day. That would probably depend on how late he is out with friends. So he won’t know the answer to your question until the next day tbh.

So yes YABU to expect him to say when he will be in the next day before he’s even gone out, but YANBU to expect him to respond to your text. He could have texted to say “don’t know, will let you know when I know” or something.

To the people saying why didn’t we discuss it in advance, I said upthread that due to work, we’ve not seen each other since Thursday early morning, and it completely slipped my mind! We would normally do this though.

Also, just in case anyone thinks I’m a complete monster, if he was due to come back that night, I wouldn’t have asked him what time he’d be back, it wouldn’t have mattered!

@lilmisstoldyouso you sound like you have issues
I would probably send a text like this and expect an answer at some point. My husband would most likely reply, emd of conversation. Although like you, it wouldn't be a big issue if he replies next morning or not at all.
Answering a quick text from home is fine on a night out. Scrolling facebook/instagram/mumsnet =rude.
I like to plan my time at the weekend and it's helpful to know what sort of time my oh will be home.

Oh fgs
It wouldn’t take him a minutes seer
Of course Yanbu

My DH usually sends two texts when he is out. 1) saying good night at around the time I’m likely to go to bed, and 2) saying on way home or similar.

He’s not usually out till the next morning but when he is I get 3) morning, hope you slept well etc, be home at xx

Unless he’s got a train or a flight booked to get home that he can pinpoint a particular time I don’t think it’s really reasonable if he’s gone on a weekend away.
To me it feels like you’re using a child’s innocuous question to get him to commit to an end time on his activity.
If that question was asked of me I’d have said I don’t know yet.

My DP would text me on a night out, as I would him - especially something practical like in this situation.

I'd of expected a time, though my husband texts me while he's out. I've never asked him to, he just does.

I rarely text my dh when he is out. But he probs would have already given me a rough time of return the next day. Nights out i never bother him

YANBU a text or a quick phone call once he got there and before going out. This is what DH and I would do. If you have DC, then a call or FaceTime to say goodnight. I'd also message or call in the morning to say I'm leaving and then give the eta for arrival. I don't message or take pics constantly while I'm out either.

This is the one thing I hated about having a mobile phone. I never wanted to commit to making a plan to start out the next day, while out the night before.

It would depend on how the night went and if I wanted an extra drink, because that would dictate what time I would get up etc.

Texing back 'I'm not sure', often opens up a conversation. Normally I'd put 'I'll let you know by 11am' (usual hotel check out time).

My Dad was in the Merchant Navy and in the 70's used to write home. Likewise my DH worked away in the 80's and we didn't have a house phone (yet), so occasionally I'd go round to my Mother's to take a call. When I went out, I was back when I showed up.

Those days seemed a lot less stressful.

YANBU. While he does not have to text while with friends, he surely checks his phone before he gets into bed like most people.

YANBU. I also have a partner who rarely texts when he’s out. It used to really irritate me, particularly because he would text me, I would respond, sometimes with a question, and then I’d get nothing back. Now, if he’s out I just work on the basis I won’t hear from him!

I think people get a bit melodramatic with this not wanting to have to check their phone stuff. FFS it takes 30 seconds to get it out, check it and send a very brief text. Sitting watching a movie on it is rude. Checking it and sending a discreet message is fine.

That said, I wouldn't expect him to give you an update with that short a time away. I don't think you're being controlling exactly but I think you might find it helpful to chill out a bit.

My husband and I text chat sporadically throughout our nights out apart so I’d expect a quick text. We do the odd call just to check in if we’re getting a little merry. It works for us. It’s nice. We’ve always been like it.

We don’t sit at a table with friends texting or calling each other, it’s more when you’ve nipped to the loo or on the stroll between bars/restaurants.

Bit of both. He should set out what his plans are for when he will be home etc...I wouldn't expect him to be texting me while out with friends though. He should have just responded to your first text (or set out plans when you last spoke to him) before putting his phone away. We use our phones for everything now so I doubt he didn't look at his phone all night (phone taxi, see opening times for club/pub, order takeaway, check bank balance, use apple pay etc)

Yabu

If I'm out I sometimes forget to text because I'm enjoying my friends company. Then I get shit off my partner the next day. I'm just crap at texting and he spoils my mood. My advice is let it go. I'm splitting with my partner soon so won't need to deal with his nagging soon ...

It Takes all of 10 seconds to read a text and send a quick reply. He is being unreasonable!

My husband always sends me a few texts on a night out. It takes 10-20 secs to say “love you, all okay, see you around X” - he could even do it on the way to the loo or waiting at the bar if he doesn’t want to be caught being rude.

Yes, of course, dh and I always message each other if one of us is out (which tbf isn’t often). It wouldn’t be excessive, because it’s rude to be on your phone when you are meant to be spending time with people, but definitely we would talk to each other because why would we not?

I don't go out often but when I do, I don't check my phone or reply to texts. Especially if I don't know the answer (when I will be home for example).

I think I convinced myself years ago that texting whilst under the influence was not a good idea.

Being out is escapism. Having to identify a time under command is not.