Wedding or Funeral?

[LifeIsAPotato]

I have been invited to the Wedding of a good childhood friends son, I haven't been in touch with her for approximately 20 odd years, however we it in touch again a few months ago after I tracked her down using the internet.

A cousin's wife has suddenly passed away today and the funeral coincides with the wedding.

I was having second thoughts about attending the wedding, it will be held at a posh London hotel with parking issues and extortionate parking charges, although I was pushing myself to go to support my friend who is now having issues with her family saying they may not attend the wedding 😏

I rarely see cousin but I do really like him, rarely saw his wife but she was nice and they have a very young family.

Do I apologise to my friend and go to the funeral or am I using the funeral to get out of going to the wedding! :(. No idea what's best here..

@HeddaGarbled

I feel the complete opposite. Guess that's what makes the world go around or MN anyway! OP does have a compelling reason not to go - a funeral. I doubt the strength of her relationship with her cousin's wife will come up.

I would go to a family funeral if I could (and, in my family, I would be missed if I didn't) especially as she is fond of her cousin, and be happy to miss the wedding of someone I don't know well (she may not have even met the groom) especially as it sounds like it is going to be a large event. But would send a generous wedding present and apologise to old friend and maybe make it up to her in some way.

Sounds like the OP was having second thoughts about the wedding anyway.

I would attend a funeral over a wedding, they may marry again but you only get one funeral.

@HeddaGarbled

Be honest, you won’t be missed at the funeral, will you? But you will be missed at the wedding.

How on earth can you know this?
Neither weddings nor funerals are set sizes.

Dear ‘old friend recently reconnected’
I am so sorry about this - I have to attend a completely unexpected short notice funeral today. My cousins wife died yesterday and as they are Muslim the funeral is being held today. There is a young family involved and I really need to be there to support family. I would so love to have come your your sons wedding and wish I could. Also i am sorry as I know all too well the constant arrangements and the costs of catering and hosting a wedding. There’s just no way around this. Please accept my apologies and pass on massive good wishes to the happy couple. I’d really have loved to be there. Hope the day goes well for you as ‘mother of the groom’. Sorry again and I’ll be in touch soon to see how it all went - perhaps you can fill me in over a drink or two ‘.

in your position I would go to the funeral but not stay for the food afterwards - once ceremony over I would take the first opportunity to express condolences to the spouse of the deceased, and would then leave and get to the wedding - doesn't matter that you might not be there for the official start time, with the timings you have given you would be there not too long after it starts.

I wouldn't be parking anywhere near a posh London hotel though. if you have to drive to get to London, park in the suburbs and get a tube train or bus for the last bit - quicker than sitting in traffic jams and cheaper too.