AIBU - full time teacher and two kids?

[JaneeceBryant]

Part time at my current secondary school and have two kids, 6 and 3. Finding it hard work but very unhappy at my current place. A full time position has come up in a nearby secondary school, nearer to home and a really good opportunity. Am I stupid for even considering full time teaching and having two kids. Husband works long hours and no other support. HELP!

I've just gone up to 0.68 over 4 days, although I finish at lunch on two of those. I'm definitely planning on going up to full time once my youngest is through reception. Decent pay and pension will make all the difference to life, plus there's always the holidays. DH works from home half the week, plus breakfast club and helpful parents make it work.

Ft teacher, single parent, two DC. I use before- and after-school clubs every day - I feel like this is balanced out by not having to use childcare in holidays. Parents evening and open evening are a bit of a scrabble as I don’t have family near by. I have DP now who can watch them but before that I’d draft in friends or do swaps with teacher parents at other schools - they’d pick my DC up on parents evening, take them to their house, do tea and even get into PJs, and I’d do the same for their kids when they needed it. Their old nursery takes older kids during holidays and on INSET days and will even pick up sick kids from school in a pinch. If you rotate who you ask for help it’s not too bad - friends with grown-up kids quite like spending a couple of hours with little ones once every few months.

I do 4 days. DC aged 6 & just 4. It's full on and needs organization. No family nearby but great childminder who's just told us shes moving away😮 and just been told the school wants the position ft as of September .... I'd say go for it but be organized. We meal prep. Dh does pick ups for my late meetings. Friends cover inset days.

Interesting that so many people mention parents evenings. I am 0.6 and do parents evenings, despite the fact that they’re on my day off (always on Thursdays) What I’m saying is that they’re a childcare nightmare for PT and FT, although a FT teacher naturally has more of them.

FT is definitely, definitely the way forward if you have any support or flexibility in your family life eg grandparents to pick up from school, a partner who can work from home or flex their hours. We have zero flexibility, which is why I remain PT for the time being.

Mine were 3 & 5 when I upped fŕom PT (0.6) to FT on a temp contract. DH was working away a lot that year and often abroad. We normally split the school/ nursery drop off, but I often had to do it solo, often at short notice and 35 minutes to drop off in two venues and drive to another town 20 mins away felt like living on a knife edge. The final glory was DS's TAs going on strike and having to be collected at lunchtime with absolutely no childcare options to tide him over to the afterschool wrap around. Thank goodness my exam class had left on study leave giving me enough window to collect and return and then teach with my 5 year old present...

I was knackered. I'd get up early to get an hour/ 90 mins work in before dealing with the DCs, then getting to work in the nick of time, working in school until just after 5:30 to maximise working without distraction, picking up both DCs in the nick of time, dealing with domestic stuff/ dinner/ bedtimes then getting working again from 9pm until about midnight. PT was definitely easier as I could spread the load over my free days and spend more time relaxing and actually being a decent mum.

DS hated 50 hours a week of wrap around/ school; it turns out he has several high functioning special needs/ learning difficulties and it wasn't fair to keep teaching at the cost of his happiness and I became a SAHM. It wasn't intended to be long-term at that point, more while DS2 finished nursery.

I didn't actually see much more money for FT because of tripping the threshold on my student loan, my tax code, and the costs of the DC's childcare and no longer getting a subtle sibling discount. It was poor value for effort!

Huge respect to teachers still in the profession; I now help out a lot in the DC's school. It just wasn't right for me to continue in the particular circumstances my family were in. I haven't looked elsewhere due to DS's dislike of childcare and need for quiet time at home, especially as holiday sports clubs are hell for dyslexic children with ASD!

I won't say never again, but not until I'm content that DS doesn't need childcare.

Don't do it, unless you have to, or unless you're one of the eyeball licking lizard types who only see teaching as a path to the SMT. Or if you are going for a post in one of those mythical "no marking" schools.

I took a full time HoD opportunity when my kids were 3 and 5. There were some hairy moments but I got an excellent and flexible childminder and DH adjusted his hours so he started later and finished later so he could drop off. I'm teaching abroad now where it's infinitely easier but it was okay.

At some point you just have to weigh up the pros and cons. I teach in a small department that’s part of a bigger one and I'm the only full-timer in my subject which means I get the pick of the timetable as the HOD does mine first. And in an unofficial way my opinion carries more weight and I get more say in how we do things. So that’s worth quite a bit to me as I like doing things my way! But not everywhere is the same.

Is that not discrimination against the part time staff members, michaelbaubles?

It’s hard going imo. I get to school at 730 and leave at 545. As a primary teacher I rarely have evening meetings other than staff meetings and occasional CPD but my friend’s secondary has at least twice weekly commitments such as staff meetings, plays, parents evenings, options evenings, interventions, prospective parents evening etc. I found working full time exhausting with 2 children, to be fair was deputy head but even so 55 hour weeks and shattered once I got home plus planning and marking to do. I love love love 💓 part time and weekends don’t feel like a tread mill now. It feels like I can be a good teacher, good enough parent and partner rather than pretty shit at all of them.

It would be if they were completely shut out from opportunities, which they aren’t, at all. But I’ve taught part-time before and it’s just a fact of timetabling life that you get what fits if you want certain days (which is your right). Everyone knows what hours I’ll have and that’s the easiest one to plan so it gets done first. I don’t get given something because I’m full time, and I don’t get exactly what I wanted ever (always a surprise on my timetable in September, like everyone else), but I’m the only person who’s in the office every day of the week - it makes sense for me to be the person who oversees things.

Would your husband be able to do half of the childcare and housework? If you're both going to be FT, he needs to take on some of your additional burden, or you'll burn out.

Could he drop a day at work to go PT? Or reduce his hours a bit to do the pick-ups?

You're a team, and you're unhappy in your work. He needs to stop being facilitated.

Different circumstances to you but due to my circumstances I am also looking for a job, currently working part time but very flexibly in the business I run with my Husband. Were handing business over to new owners over the next year so i'm keeping my eyes peeled now. He's 55, experience of only the motor trade and being self employed for 30 yrs, currently has health issues and as such cant drive at the moment, so his future job prospects are going to be limited may be.
I'm 45 hand my fingers in many pies, so whilst not qualified for anything specific could walk entry level in to many industries. There have been a few jobs come up which are just up my street and I could nail them and be good at it but they are full time and on the opposite side of the city so my whole work life balance will change dramatically. Financially not sure yet if I would need to do this in the future, if needed I would but for now I find my self not wanting to apply for them as I have doubts as to if the great job would equal quality of life at the moment I dont think it would.

Sometimes its just not the right time for stuff. I can understand your 'dilema' but look at the big picture, the job you hate but good work life balance and financially ok or great job great money but you never see your family as much and your whole family dynamic needs to change.

Maybe its just not the right time to step work up op.

I'm a full-time teacher with 5 and 3 yo. DH also full-time. Youngest in nursery, oldest in wraparound. Life is busy, but having holidays makes it worthwhile working full time. I agree with michaelbaubles tbh, also I seem to observe part time staff doing far more than their part time hours.

I do feel I'm stuck at my school however as I get on ok with my boss and my team and due to DH job I do the majority of drops/collects so can't move any further away.

When my kids were that age I stepped down as HoD on 4 days to 3 days as classroom teacher. We got a new full time HoD whose kids were the same age. 3 years later she is assistant head.
It depends on your priorities and your set up. I wanted to be able to pick up my kids from school sometimes, go to sports days etc. But we have no other support, so even now, if the kids are ill and I take a day off, it costs me over £100. We are only allowed 2 x dependents days paid per year.
I find teaching really inflexible actually. My son has an Inset day coming up and I have no one to watch him.

I also find it hard because dc hates before and after school club. It really breaks my heart to not be able to take to school and pick up at night. Plus having to beg to be allowed to go to school activities and sports days etc. Also by the time you get home there's no time to help your dc much with their homework and reading. I don't feel I can do a good job parenting and a good job teaching on more than 0.5 really.

YANBU to consider. But if you are in a shortage subject you could call and ask to speak to HOD about any potential job share opportunities. If you are an outstanding teacher and they are struggling to recruit they may be up for some flexibility.

In my experience part time teaching is not relatively half the job of full time so your workload won’t double.

If you were happy where you were I’d say stay but I would take the opportunity. Your colleagues can make or break a role. I work ft with added responsibilities but my colleagues are amazing all on the same wavelength so we are a tight knit team. It makes a huge difference to every aspect of the job.

I second asking about the possibility of part-time in the advertised role. Schools often will try to make roles full-time if they can so it's more appealing to a wider range of people, but they might be perfectly happy with someone who wants to be 0.6-0.8. We also advertised a job once where actually the department was still going to be stretched when we appointed a full-time member of staff. We were delighted when an excellent lady turned up and mentioned (at interview!) that she would much rather be part-time. We appointed her and another chap. You never know!

If I were you I'd apply (no harm in applying) for the career opportunities and the proximity to home. Those are two very powerful arguments FOR the job.
If you get offered it, yes, you could ask for PT but, take it, try it for 6 months. I bet you'll find it easier than you think.

Yes it may involve you hiring babysitters but your kids won't be damaged by that any more than living with a stressed at work parent.

Many people work ft with no help from the wider family. You need to get really good childcare in ace and get your husband on board with also taking time off for emergencies, ill kids etc.

I’m ft single mum with 2 kids and no other real help. It’s tough going sometimes but I keep these in my head: a) I am setting an example to my children b) the pay off is not needing to arrange childcare in the hols which would be nigh on impossible for me and c) it’s easier than pt as a pp said because you are more in the loop and not playing catch up so much.
The bottom line is that I have no choice though and sometimes I resent it but I think I would still do it even if I did have a choice if that makes sense. I love my job ( most of the time) and you have to be happy at work.
I say go for it-nothing is forever and you can always move again in a few years if you need to. Good luck

I've been a ful time HoD of a large Eng Dept for 10 years. Children are now 11 in Y6 and 12 in Y8. It's about your motivation, your organization and the back up you have. I've made every nativity of both children, every sports day and every parents eve by doing deals with my colleagues to cover me and then I give the same back to them. You can take paid time off if children are ill (within reason, I think there might be a limit) in a full time job. I work one day each weekend every so often to keep up with it all. I'm accruing a good pension and setting a good example to my children in a profession I'm proud of. Win win. Crucially, DH does 50 50 on most things. I have a cleaner too.

I'm a full time teacher and head of year. I have two kids aged 8 and 3. I have to pay for full time nursery. Older child is at school and stays in her aunties class after school as she is a teacher at her school. Our nursery feed are £880 per month. Once dd3s funded hours kick in, it will be better. Its tough but we have the holidays.