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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be holding 9 month old for naps

52 replies

Pondlife87 · 14/02/2020 18:14

My LG is almost 9 months old. Until she was 5 months old and went through leap 5 she would fall asleep anywhere. Then after leap 5 (wonder weeks) she hasn't been able to nap unless I am holding her.
I nurse her to sleep, but my husband, Mum and Dad are able to rock her to sleep. Then throughout her nap she has to be held. I frequently attempt to put her down, but she just pings awake and no amount of shhing and patting will get her back to sleep.
I know she now has huge sleep associations with nursing, rocking and cuddles.
She is a rubbish napper and always has been. I normally get two 30 minute naps (40 mins maximum).
People keep telling me i need to get her sleeping independently in the day, but i don't know what an earth to do to get her to nap.
I have downloaded the huckleberry app which identifies her ideal nap times, which is making night time sleep better, but not improving her dependence on me to nap.
I don't mind her napping on me as it means we get cuddles and closeness, but I guess it isn't sustainable?

OP posts:
Cremebrule · 14/02/2020 19:42

My first was the same for naps but was good at night. I think you do need to tackle it otherwise it’s really unfair on them when they start nursery. If you had other children, you wouldn’t be able to do it. In the end I did sleep training for naps and she became an amazing napper and was for a long time. It took about a week but I remember feeling elated at having so much time back for myself.

With my second, she was down for naps in her cot or the sling. I missed the cuddles a bit but she was in a far better routine if I’m honest with myself. 30 min naps aren’t great so you might find you’re disturbing the sleep. At that age both of mine were doing 2x 1h30 naps. I remember everyone having to potter around in silence when she fell asleep in our arms and it wasn’t really a great set-up.

LowcaAndroidow · 14/02/2020 19:48

@Pondlife87 if you are going to send her to childcare, then yes you need to sort this out! Not fair on baby or carer. Teach her to sleep in a cot or pram with a comforter.

LowcaAndroidow · 14/02/2020 19:50

@Boom45 "@Pondlife87 she'll nap like a pro at nursery. Nurseries are magic when it comes to naps, its definitely witchcraft"
It's not witchcraft, it's sleep training! Parents just don't want to deal with an upset baby so they're happy to let someone else do it.

RibenaMonsoon · 14/02/2020 19:59

I went to the drop in sleep clinic at my local children and family center.
They were amazing. Helped DS (he was 13 months at the time). He was exactly as your little one is, would only nap when held and Co slept at night.

We had a chat with the awesome nurse there and she took details on what we did, our routine, bed times etc and have us some pointers as well as coming up with a sleep plan together.
It wasn't the cry it out method as we were in his room with him but it did involve putting him in his cot and giving him a cuddle and kiss every now and then to let him know we were there and to calm him. By day 2/3 he was visibly alot less upset in the cot and napping during the day fine.
Within a week he was sleeping in his cot both day and night.
Worth checking if you've got anything like that local to you. They can help you come up with a plan that works for you and your family.

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 14/02/2020 20:13

A childcare provider isn't going to be able to hold a baby whilst it sleeps and look after the other children in her/his care so it needs addressing to be honest. I'd start by cuddling until sleepy, then putting the baby down and use the shhh pat method whilst staying with them in the room the whole time. She'll cry at the beginning because she's not used to it but if you're constantly sitting there Patting her until she falls asleep she'll soon get used to it and sleep.

modgepodge · 14/02/2020 20:45

Mine was exactly like this at 9 months. She started at a childminder then and the childminder puts her down and she goes to sleep. I asked if she cries and she said no, or only for a minute or two of gentle whinging, not proper crying, then off she goes. Maybe she’s lying but I don’t think so. This technique now works at home too (she’s only 11 months!)

I had previously put her in to a crèche at a hotel and she slept fine there too, I doubt if they successfully managed to sleep train her in the 3 hours they looked after her Hmm I think they sometimes do just sleep better for other people even though that’s not what you’d expect.

The holding her for naps didn’t bother me at all while I did it, but I confess now i do like the freedom of an hour to myself whilst she sleeps. If it doesn’t bother you, don’t change it.

somewhereovertherainbow2 · 14/02/2020 21:06

I'll hold my 8 month old whilst feeding her, wait till she's drowsy then take her up to our bed... I'll lay next to her till she falls asleep (usually nose to nose!) then I make a pillow fort & take video monitor downstairs... we are having trouble getting her to sleep a full night in her next to me (sides up) like she used to Sad since around 6 months she's enjoyed our bed Blush cot this weekend in her own room!

Wish me luck!

2020runner · 14/02/2020 21:14

I still cuddle my 18m old for 3 naps a week. I love it, if you're happy dont worry about it

Boom45 · 15/02/2020 00:26

@LowcaAndroidow they train bloody quick then. My 2 both napped in a chair the first day they were at nursery - I was impressed.

Megan2018 · 15/02/2020 00:31

If you are happy with how things are then that is fine-you don’t have to change anything.
My 5 month old doesn’t nap until 4pm -I just go with it.

You won’t be rocking to sleep at 18, you can’t spoil a baby.

Megan2018 · 15/02/2020 00:34

Oh and the nursery we are using is not bothered either-they will try to encourage naps but are happy to be baby led and will replicate whatever is done at home as closely as they can.

ThePurpleMoose · 15/02/2020 00:36

Same here! It's only a problem if it's a problem for you, don't listen to anyone else. My DD is too busy for cuddles when she's awake usually so I've got to get them in while I can Grin

Check out The Beyond Sleep Training Project on Facebook - you'll find plenty of contact nappers there. They have loads of resources on different topics, including what to do if your contact nappers is about to go to nursery (spoiler alert: absolutely nothing! Babies often find their own way of sleeping at childcare even if they'd never do it at home, and it's better to keep their 'connection cup' full by carrying on with the naptime snuggles when you're at home).

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 15/02/2020 00:39

I think I’d just enjoy the sleepy cuddles for the couple of months until you go back to work. She’ll soon enough settle into the sleep routines at nursery. Or if with a childminder she’ll likely sleep in the buggy / car seat while doing school runs for the older mindees.

Boom45 · 15/02/2020 00:43

(obviously I know it's not actually witchcraft and they're just good at getting multiple babies with multiple sleeping patterns and methods to go to sleep at the same time because it's their job)

Laserbird16 · 15/02/2020 00:52

Don't worry about childcare. The staff will have met a cuddle napper before and can handle it. It's like some weird voodoo where your Velcro child can't possibly sleep at home without you but at childcare they happily tuck themselves in and fall asleep. My DD1 had to sleep on me at home but when she was at childcare she started off sleeping on a cushion instead of a cot with lots of pats. Slowly graduated to the cot and now at 3 she is dropping her nap but often lays down and sleeps when everyone else does at childcare. Now at night she often sleeps on the floor holding DHs ankle as he sits in a chair in her room and reads his iPad. Odd but result is she is asleep! Enjoy the cuddles and enforced rest

sofaandchoc · 15/02/2020 00:57

@Boom45 but it is! I ask my DC nursery how he sleeps and they say "just lay him down and pat his back" yet, if I tried that he would never sleep!

My DC napped on me but slept great through most of the night for a long time. So to get him to independently nap I followed the routine I did with him at night (minus the bath - nappy change, moisturise/massage, put into sleep suit, bottle, cuddle then into crib). It worked for him but not sure if it's because of that or because he's a pretty good sleeper. But it was a game changer, first he napped for 20 mins then it got longer and longer. The first time he slept for an hour I was creeping around the flat in silence not knowing what to do with myself Grin now his naps are 3 hours long. The kid loves his sleep sometimes

sofaandchoc · 15/02/2020 00:59

Just to follow up on my previous post, when he started nursery they only ever got him to sleep in a pram but eventually got him sleeping on the mats with the other children. They know what they are doing

Original poster
Pondlife87 · 15/02/2020 14:43

@fellyjish You are officially my new favourite person. I tried this today and it has worked both times, with minimal fussing. Is it also referred to as the pick up, put down method? I am amazed. I even managed to lengthen her naps by repeating this when she woke up at 30 minutes. Thank you so much. I can't believe it!

OP posts:
MrsJBaptiste · 15/02/2020 14:50

Bloody Hell, there's no way I would have done this but each to their own.

Nap times were for getting things done so I was more than happy for mine to sleep in the moses basket and then cot from birth. I also had much less time before going back to work (it was 5 or 6 months back in those days) and had a few nights out so needed to have sleep, etc. sorted if I wanted people to look after the baby!

Original poster
Pondlife87 · 15/02/2020 18:25

@MrsJBaptiste - just to clarify I didn't choose to let her sleep on me. She chose to sleep on me, and I struggled to find a way to get her off me without waking up. As much as i like the snuggles, i would have been happy if she'd always let me lay her down in her cot for naps as I would have got time to get stuff done.

OP posts:
fellyjish · 15/02/2020 19:29

I just saw this @Pondlife87 - I'm so pleased it worked for you! Sometimes we have to reteach it as if he's teething or poorly I cuddle as much as he needs!

Long may it continue...!

catx1606 · 15/02/2020 21:05

A nursery won't worry about if a child needs to be rocked to sleep. They can work wanders with children so I wouldn't even worry about getting anything sorted for that. Just do what you are doing if it works for you and your child

user1476277375 · 15/02/2020 21:12

Try warming her cot/buggy with a hot water bottle first - always worked a treat for us!

MaryShelley1818 · 15/02/2020 21:20

I still hold my baby for naps....he's 26mths! Lol.
Just in the last week has he started to nap on the sofa while next to me instead of on me. I will treasure those moments together for the rest of my life and wouldn't change a thing.
One day will be the last time...it's just a blink of an eye in your child's life.
DS went to nursery at 11mths and for the first few months his wonderful Keyworker held him while he slept...through her perseverance which often involved her commando crawling across the floor after she lay him down, he then started sleeping on the mats with the other children and has done this for a year now. (Please note I never asked nursery to do this, they were just so wonderful with him).

FlyingPandas · 15/02/2020 21:39

OP if you like it, if you have the time to simply sit and cuddle her rather than get on with other stuff whilst she naps, if it makes you both happy and doesn't stress you out then carry on, where's the problem?

If you actually feel quite frustrated and stressed and feel that the situation is getting you down, then do something about it.

I have to admit the situation you describe would never have been my choice and if I were you I would sleep train (not CIO but there are other options) rather than feed and rock and hold to sleep. Your situation would have driven me completely nuts. But I'm not you, am I? If it works for you and DC then carry on with it.