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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeding questioned

18 replies

Wuzzle85 · 14/02/2020 17:56

AIBU to be fed up of being asked how i choose to feed my little one? Every time I meet a new mum the second or third question seems to be are you breastfeeding. Then when I say it didn’t work out people seem to launch into did you try this or that. As if I didn’t try hard enough. Trust me I did. The being asked by complete strangers in cafes if the milk I’m giving him is expressed. Yes it is but why does that matter. I’m probably over sensitive about being asked as feeding didn’t work out the way I wanted but why is everyone obsessed with how I feed my child?

OP posts:
Nopointinwednesdays · 14/02/2020 18:21

I am currently 22wks pregnant with my first dc and this is always one of the first questions I always get asked “ are you breast feeding “ and when I reply no, the look of sheer horror on some peoples faces makes me feel terrible, well it used too ( I can’t breastfeed I have had to come off a lot of medication while pregnant and as soon as baby is here I’ll be put back on them so can’t ) but now I’ve had the “ look “ so many times I just let it wash over me now. People make assumptions without knowing the facts try not to let it bother you OP x

Winterwoollies · 14/02/2020 18:23

I’m pregnant and people keep asking me my feeding plans. When they ask if I’ve decided how, I just say “yep” and move the conversation on. They will invariably continue to dig and I will invariably refuse them any specifics. Not their business.

Feeding is one of those areas of pregnancy and babies that sends some people absolutely loopy. They feel they have a god-given right to judge or have some input. Mental.

Delbelleber · 14/02/2020 18:24

I breastfed my dc when they were babies and I found the questions equally annoying... And sometimes rude.

Lazydaisydaydream · 14/02/2020 18:27

I breastfeed and find questions about feeding intrusive and rude. Honestly you cant win - no matter what you do someone will have an opinion and will gladly tell you it whether you want to hear it or not Hmm. I suggest learning to zone it out as best you can.

As long as you've made decisions you're happy with then fuck anyone else.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2020 18:28

I have no idea.

I bottle fed all 3 of mine by choice and I don't recall anyone ever passing comment?

I think a couple of people asked if I was breast or bottle feeding, but that was just out of pure interest.

firstimemamma · 14/02/2020 18:29

Yanbu. I breastfed and the "when are u going to stop?"s did my head in! However you feed there are rude questions!

Geordiegirl79 · 14/02/2020 18:29

Urgh. I hated this. As soon as you become pregnant, you somehow become public property and it seems to continue once you have the baby!

Kittykat93 · 14/02/2020 18:30

The thing that used to really upset me is when people said 'are you feeding him or does he have a bottle?' erm... I am feeding him... With a bottle Hmm

I couldn't breastfeed and It made me feel like shit like I wasn't feeding my baby properly

InDubiousBattle · 14/02/2020 18:31

There are some just standard 'baby questions'. Once people have asked how much they weighed and their name etc then there's not much more to small talk about until you move past the baby talk and find something in common (or not as the case may be!)! Try not to take it personally, it's a lazy, annoying chit chat thing.

HoldMyLobster · 14/02/2020 18:31

I breastfed and everyone asked me too. I think it's just something for them to chat about.

HoldMyLobster · 14/02/2020 18:32

Apart from MIL, who asked it in more of a 'Good god are you still breastfeeding that poor starving baby? No wonder she cries all day.'

iklboo · 14/02/2020 18:33

Tell them you've arranged a female orangutan from a local zoo to wet nurse for you.

brendansbuddy · 14/02/2020 18:33

It's a tyranny of judgement and competition. You feed as you wish. It's only one factor of many for your child's health and well-being and women are made to feel so guilty, sadly in my own experience, often by other women. Ignore them. Lots of women bottle feed for lots of very good reasons.

soundsystem · 14/02/2020 18:33

Even worse than "Are you breastfeeding?" is "Are you feeding her yourself?"

You can't win: with my eldest DD who was formula fed I got this all the time, complete with disapproving looks. DD2 is 5 months old and breastfed and now I get asked "Are you still feeding her?"

Practice your death stare OP!

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 14/02/2020 18:40

YANBU, my DD is nearly a year old and during last summer when I was out and about with her the same women would stop and speak to me and always ask "are you feeding her yourself" I really wanted to reply no I let her get her own meals but my British politeness prevented this response Grin

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/02/2020 18:42

Next time just say, "sorry, why would you need to know that?" with a puzzled expression, like this Confused

Original poster
Wuzzle85 · 14/02/2020 18:46

I’m still quite sensitive about the feeding and that probably doesn’t help. However I just think being a mum is hard enough so questioning how a mum feeds a child (strangers in the street etc) or offering unsolicited advice about feeding (other mums) just adds a whole unneeded pressure.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/02/2020 18:56

I do wish parents would put as much effort into feeding their kids past weaning stage, as they apparently do when it comes to the whole BF V FF subject.

That way we wouldn't have such a huge problem with childhood obesity.

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