Aibu to think chores not fair

[Onaslipperyslope]

DSD 17.5 arrived home from school, 2 hours before DS & put already cooked sausages on plate onto a piece of bread (bread already on a plate) and some frozen chips in oven. In return DS (14) was told by DP to: clear & tidy the kitchen, bread, sauce, tray, left over sausages (all just left) unstack the full dishwasher and then restack (sink full of dishes) and wipe all surface because DSD had 'made dinner'. Aibu in thinking this is not fair?

I hope you intervened. He's a prick.

Depends whether it evens out over time. For example yesterday DD laid the table before dinner, stacked the dishwasher after dinner and wiped down the table and kitchen surfaces. DS did nothing. But today it will be DS's turn to do those jobs.
So if you have general rule that one person makes dinner and the other person clears up afterwards then it's fine.

YANBU, doesn't seem fair. Is DS just yours?

Maybe you should have a chores rota to make it fair.

Did you stand up for your son?

I will get fried for this, but I don't believe children should get given chores, mine never did, but as they got older they would naturally help without being asked. They have beautiful spotless home, so never did them any harm.
My mum never gave chores to us either.
Let kids be kids, they're not young for long.

Whoever makes the mess cleans up . Your dh is unreasonable to say otherwise . What did you say ?

Who voted that YABU?!

I hope you stepped in at the time and stopped your child being treated to unfairly?

Well, what you've put is just a snapshot.

Does it even out across the week?

The complainant sounds as though it's being made by a 12 year old, not the mother of a teen!

Chores should even out over time but might not be second for second identical on the day.

We have a rota for the dishwasher - a piece of paper attached with a magnet and the kids write their name on the list after they've done it - if child 1 did it last time, child 2 does it this time, next time child 3, then child 1 again. If the child who's turn it is is out it remains their turn but DH or I do it, they still do it next time.

They also take it in turns putting bins out.

DC1 cooks most often but cooking means you get to choose what's for dinner... DC2 cooks if told to. Dc3 is only 8 so doesn't cook family meals unsupervised yet.

Any other chores like laundry I pay for if I want done, or they can do their own if they're in a hurry for something (dc1 and dc2).

Get a rota organised if the teens can't communicate and you think your partner is a dickhead.

Or don't blend families with a man liable to behave badly towards your child.

Yes, DS only mine. Chores usually pan out like this. I agree, cook cleans own mess. Unfortunately DP doesn't. When I cook, I leave the kitchen spotless before serving, soak pans if needed. When DP cooks everything, chopping board bits, pans, sauces, left overs, left out & usually my DS ( in my opinion) then asked to tidy & stack.

Ii like your rota idea.

What’s the usual? I wouldn’t intervene in a one-off disagreement like this. I would just make sure it evened out over time.

Well, from that update, it definitely sounds like there’s some unfairness going on. Have you discussed this with your partner?

Well it seems like it was a little unfair on this occasion. However, it seems like you think that DSD should have made dinner AND cleared up, whilst your son did nothing,which would have been even more unfair.

Personally, I would say that whoever left the dishwasher unemptied and the sink full of dishes was in the wrong, maybe you or your DH should have ensured that the kitchen was clean for them to start with. If it had been then DSD preparing dinner, and your DS putting the plates and cooking trays in the dishwasher and wiping surfaces down would have been fair. Its only because other jobs were previously left undone that it is a problem.

He sounds like a charmer, not. You need to be firm about the unfairness of this and it sounds as though dsd is cut from the same cloth as her dad [

So basically DS had to tidy up all the shite left by DSD "making dinner" as well as loading and unloading the dishwasher ?

Nope not fair.

DSD should have been made to put away the bread, sauce, leftover sausages etc and wipe down the worktops and then DS could do the dishes.

But, DS actually eat any of the dinner if he was home 2hrs later? Because if not, then honestly she shouldn't have had to do anything as none of it was if his making/for his benefit!!

He I meant, shouldn't have had to do any of the tidying up if he hadn't actually been there to eat any of the dinner.

OP, either you need to stop leaving the kitchen spotless for DP when you cook or he needs to leave it spotless for you when he cooks.

Anything other than that is unfair. He is taking the piss out of you and your son.