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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I overreacting here?

11 replies

RoseAdagio · 14/02/2020 08:53

I've just chucked the Christmas card I bought for my husband away (recycling, obviously). He never even bothered to open it. It just stayed on top of his bedside unit (unopened), so it's not like it was in a drawer and he can have forgotten it was there.

He didn't get me a card either, although he did buy me a present (part something I'd asked for, and a couple of bits he had thought of himself, one of which was quite clever and I liked it). He had apparently intended to get me one from the shop by his office the last day of work before Christmas, but then there were issues with the trains and so he didn't get to go as he worked from home instead. He did apologise for the lack of card, however it's not the first time it has happened. Our previous wedding anniversary, he "left the card" in his desk at work apparently. Said card mysteriously never arrived. No present either. In fairness I only got him a card for that anniversary...but a nice personalised one with a photo of us on it.

He's really stressed by work and permanently tired so I have to cut him some slack but am I being unreasonable for being a bit upset about this kind of thing? I mean, how much effort is it to open a bloody card, read it, and thank your wife for the nice message she put in it?

Sorry for the rambling post, I just needed to offload and sanity check that I'm not being a complete diva here.

OP posts:

Lipperfromchipper · 14/02/2020 08:54

Cards are a waste of time and money imo OP!!

rootsonshow · 14/02/2020 08:57

You could have saved it for next year and recycled that way

RedSheep73 · 14/02/2020 08:59

Yanbu to be upset, but I think maybe cut down on the cards? I've never bothered with Christmas cards for the people I live with, no one in my family does. If cards clearly don't matter to him, don't put so much effort in - you know it's not going to be appreciated.

Persu · 14/02/2020 09:00

It's not the card, it's the fact he didn't bother to spend two seconds opening something you bought him, with effort and thought.

I'd be a bit upset, but I don't understand why you didn't say anything to him? i.e. "Do you want to open the card I bought you? I wrote you a message I thought you'd like, should I take it personally you've left it unopened?"

Original poster

RoseAdagio · 14/02/2020 09:02

Damn, why didnt I think to just put it away and keep it for this year?!

He always used to write such lovely messages in our cards and kept all of mine. We even have a scrap book with a load of our old ones in, plus tickets from events we had been to together etc. But now he just can't be bothered. It makes me sad.

Overall I agree cards are a bit of a waste of money and last Christmas I only did them for close family and then did a charitable donation instead of giving them to everyone else. Not getting one from your husband or even bothering to open the one from your wife seems a bit much though to me...

OP posts:

Bluewater1 · 14/02/2020 09:02

I'd be upset too, it's about showing someone that you value what they do for you

Original poster

RoseAdagio · 14/02/2020 09:04

@Persu I did remind him of it the other day and I got a "shit haven't I opened it yet?" Then when he was having a shit day the other day I handed it to him thinking it might cheer him up and he just put it to one side whilst pulling a "don't nag me woman" face at me.

Apparently reading my Christmas cards has now been demoted from something pleasant to a chore. 😔

OP posts:

PrinnyPree · 14/02/2020 09:05

YANBU to be upset that he never even bothered to open the card and read the nice message, that is really mean, however he is obviously not a card person (like me) and it probably stresses him out so either make a pact to not get each other cards or tell him he doesn't need to get cards anymore (but at least bloody read the ones you get him)

Jenasaurus · 14/02/2020 09:24

Now you have said that previously cards meant a lot and you both saved them in a book, I can see why this would upset you, he has basically changed from who he was when you met him.

I prefer to receive a card than a present from loved ones, if they choose them with me in mind and write a lovely message it means so much more than an expensive gift so you are DNBU to feel this way.

Jenasaurus · 14/02/2020 09:25

Is this a coincidence you have posted on Valentines Day about this? Has he given you a card today?

Original poster

RoseAdagio · 14/02/2020 11:35

Yep a complete coincidence - we never celebrate Valentines Day, never once got each other a card for it. He did once make me a nice dinner for V day a few years ago actually but as a general rule we both just ignore it. The Christmas card thing is a separate issue, I was having a tidy up earlier and it was just still sat there on the bedside unit and I found myself thinking "why did I even bother?!"

OP posts:

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