Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What would you think?

29 replies

Buttons4me · 13/02/2020 14:19

I'm hoping I'm not being unreasonable posting here. I've just had my 7th session of cbt for Anxiety/social anxiety. My belief is very very strong that I shake eating and drinking with everybody apart from my children and my mother. I believe that people see that there is something wrong with me and wonder why I am shaking and see me in a negative way. If you seen me shaking whilst having a cup of tea or some soup etc. What would you immediately think of me as a person? If we were friends and you knew me would you question why id be shaking especially as we were friends. Would you question the fact of being friends and expect that i should be comfortable and not nervous?

OP posts:

RedRed9 · 13/02/2020 14:24

If I knew you were as anxious and receiving support for it then I wouldn’t think anything at all. I would just think you are you and shaking is what you do at the moment.

If I didn’t know why you were shaking then I would probably presume you were unwell and ask after you.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 13/02/2020 14:24

Depends on your age.

Older person I'd assume Parkinson's or age related nerve issues (my dad shakes).

Younger I guess I'd assume anxiety. Maybe I'd worry that I was making you anxious.

Maybe I wouldn't notice. I've worked with peeps with various disabilities/sticks/stimmings and guess I tune it out.

I people are mostly wrapped up in their own lives and probably wouldn't notice.

Curiosity101 · 13/02/2020 14:26

If you were my friend - I'd ask you if you were ok. If you told me you were shaking because of anxiety / social anxiety then I would accept it and just leave it at that. I wouldn't think anything bad of you at all.

If you were someone I didn't know and I saw you were shaking (which I don't think I would notice in the first place to be honest), then I probably wouldn't think much of it unless you looked distressed / like you were with someone who was causing distress. If you were just sat having a drink with someone and overall you both seemed happy I wouldn't give it any thought at all. I'm sure there are 100's of reasons people might shake so it wouldn't even register for me.

Well done on seeking treatment by the way. I hope things continue to improve for you.

inwood · 13/02/2020 14:27

I'm you. I hope people just think I'm anxious.

Gatehouse77 · 13/02/2020 14:27

If I didn't know you I'd think you were either ill from something (short or long-term) or cold but otherwise wouldn't give it more than a fleeting thought.

If you were my friend and I was aware of the reasons I'd ignore it and carry on as normal. I'd be making sure that you were feeling comfortable and knew that we could stop/switch at any point.

TheOrigBrave · 13/02/2020 14:28

If I didn't know you and saw you say in Costa shaking while eating/drinking I would maybe keep a wee eye on you to see if you were OK and offer my assistance if I think you needed it.
I would think you either had a physical condition, or were very nervous but that's it.

If I knew you then I'd hope that you would be able to share with me what was going on, even just a heads up e.g. "I'm aware I shake, I'm getting support, thanks for letting me get on", but of course I'd be there for you if you wanted to tell me more. I'd follow your lead.

Hugs OP.

InDubiousBattle · 13/02/2020 14:29

I wouldn't think about it in terms of you as a person. My first thought would be that you're too cold then maybe that you weren't very well. Op I struggled for years with social anxiety (I felt dizzy and faint and became utterly convinced I would pass out, thouroghly humiliating myself in the process), I've been much better for a long time time and have told several people about it and they have almost all said they'd never noticed and a good few 'confessed' to their own depression or anxiety.

RositaEspinosa · 13/02/2020 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotALurker2 · 13/02/2020 14:33

I would assume you had a neurological problem. I would not think more about it than that and wouldn't mention it. Good luck.

TheCanyon · 13/02/2020 14:36

I would probably assume you had essential tremor, like myself,or similar neuro condition.

DownWhichOfLate · 13/02/2020 14:36

I’d ask if you were ok. I sometimes shake if I haven’t eaten for a while so I’d assume you had low blood sugar levels. If you said you were anxious I’d try to help you (whilst letting you know you could tell me to bugger off if you didn’t want me to help!).

Hidingtonothing · 13/02/2020 14:36

I'd wonder whether you were anxious like me and possibly try to convey solidarity via eye contact and smiles if I was having a good day myself and you seemed receptive. Is there something specific you're worried people might think OP?

LochJessMonster · 13/02/2020 14:36

If we were friends and it was the first time I had seen you shake, I would ask if you were ok. Otherwise, I would simply ignore it unless you brought it up.

If I saw you out and you were shaking so hard you were spilling the drink/struggling to eat, then I might quietly approach and ask if you were ok. Most people would probably ignore you.

I wouldn't think anything of you as a person - as a pp said 'there are 100's of reasons people might shake so it wouldn't even register for me.'

goldenorbspider · 13/02/2020 14:37

I'd assume you was ill and try not to stare

Picklypickles · 13/02/2020 14:41

I would think that you were unwell in some way. My mum was diagnosed with Parkinsons at only 40, I sometimes get shaky when I'm not feeling well. I wouldn't assume anything negative.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/02/2020 14:44

I suspect your shaking is more obvious to you than anyone else. Most people are so busy in their own heads that they wouldn’t notice anyway. If I did notice I wouldn’t say anything in case you had a condition you didn’t want to mention. I once noticed a friend of my parents had shaking in one of her arms. I didn’t show I had noticed and later she was diagnosed with Parkinsons.

Zurina · 13/02/2020 14:45

If elderly, Parkinsons
Younger, anxiety
I might think alcoholic having withdrawals

Original poster

Buttons4me · 13/02/2020 14:47

Reading through the replies here and I'm so glad I posted. Thankyou for lovely replies. My therapist was talking to me today telling me people will not see in the negative way that I believe they will see me if I shake. A friend invited me to go for Afternoon Tea, I was worried about shaking and couldn't go. I believe my friend would think bad of me as I should be comfortable with her. My therapist is trying to make me see that I probably don't shake as much as I believe I do too. I think people look at me and think what's wrong with her. Thankyou for the replies.

OP posts:

Emijen · 13/02/2020 14:47

I wouldn’t mention anything and I’d just assume you had anxiety

Original poster

Buttons4me · 13/02/2020 14:48

Also I'm 42 and it's not Alcohol I don't drink.

OP posts:

Zurina · 13/02/2020 14:50

Yes, I'm not saying it's alcohol, it's just one of the many reasons that woukd come to mind for why someone woukd be shaking.

DownWhichOfLate · 13/02/2020 14:51

Oh! When I first met my now-mil, she was shaking through nerves (no idea why, I’m lovely! ). She just laughed it off, as did we. You could laugh it off if that helps?! Honestly, we all have our own “problems”. And people, especially friends, like to help one another. If the situation was reversed what would you do?

whereishappyat · 13/02/2020 14:55

I feel your angst... whilst I don't shake I go red like a beetroot at the drop of a hat, used to avoid any social situation (even shopping) in case this happened but I tried a different tact, now if it happens I address it I say oh god I've gone red again haven't I and just laugh it off, weirdly it seems to help it disappear quicker because I'm not consciously thinking oh have they noticed? Are they staring? Don't be ashamed

LochJessMonster · 13/02/2020 14:55

Sorry Op I didn't answer this part -Would you question the fact of being friends and expect that i should be comfortable and not nervous?

You are worried a friend would be offended if you shake in front of them as it would suggest you are not comfortable around them?
Not at all! I would absolutely not think that at all. No decent friend would even have that cross their mind.

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 13/02/2020 14:57

I might glance at you just a second longer than usual to check you were ok, e.g. not about to drop something heavy, not stopped breathing and turning blue etc.

If you were just busy eating and drinking then I'd assume this was normal for you and nothing to worry about, and wouldn't think of it again.

I certainly wouldn't draw any conclusions about who you were or what you were like.

If I knew you and we were eating together I'd say "Are you shaking?" as a way of inviting you to tell me about it. If you said something short and vague then I'd assume you didn't want to tell me about it and would leave you alone. If you told me about the anxiety then I might admit to you how bad mine is and some of the ways it affects me - not many people know.

I've got a friend with terrible anxiety who occasionally suddenly shouts "ARG!" due to his own panicky thoughts. It makes me jump sometimes, but then we just carry on. Doesn't affect our relationship at all, it's not me he's panicking about and I think very highly of him.

Flip

1 2