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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lone parent. Aibu to accept I'm really on my own..

1 reply

Strugglingmummy15 · 13/02/2020 11:23

I'm A very lone parent of 5 year old DD and 3 year old DS. Dad is not allowed contact and hasn't seen them since DS was ten weeks old. My parents are a strained relationship and won't watch the kids together and have a single child overnight in dire emergency ie for a night at Christmas because one was in hospital and then the time before that was April also due to hospital. No siblings.

DD has complex SEN and is absolutely exhausting. She barely sleeps and absolutely can't cope with any sense of loss of control and there's big sensory and language issues.

DS has global delay and is in a really challenging phase where nursery are struggling with him.

I've never felt so lonely, I literally have no one to talk to about any of it. The school sort of have their family worker working with me but I haven't actually had a conversation with them in weeks. I know they are ridiculously busy so I try not to be a nuscience but the few times when I've needed to ask something (like about a referral that was needed to be done in october) I never get a response. They mentioned having a catch up this week but when I said I can work around them for a time they haven't replied so I'm assuming they are too busy which is fine. If I try and say DD came home distraught I just get "nooo she is fine don't worry about it" from the TA. They are giving her additional support in school but I have had to really push for it and they don't really see it as necessary and I'm 90% sure they are all sick of me aha.

I lost my friends because I was crap at keeping in touch and for many it's now very different life stages/circumstances.

If I try and say about Dd being challenging I either get dismissed or told I need firmer boundaries and thst she behaves perfectly at school so now I'm on a parenting course.

Sorry, I'm just tired and emotional and completely alone.

Would I be unreasonable to just stop trying to access support and accept I'm in it for the long haul completely alone? Wishy washy support is worst than no support.

OP posts:
GoodnightJude1 · 13/02/2020 11:32

I’m not a lone parent but my youngest DS has SEN and it’s taken me 4 years and a change of schools to get anyone to do anything. At times I felt like you, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle and like you say, that no support was in some ways better than the half hearted attempts I was getting.
I’m a mardy cow though....
I dug my heels in and rang the SEN coordinator sometimes daily. I kept a diary of things that were happening at home, things that they’d often dismissed. I kept on and on at them. I know they’re busy, I know they have a heavy workload, I know there were children that probably needed their input more than my son did....but selfishly, that wasn’t my problem.
My son is now doing brilliantly. Partly because I moved him to a different, smaller school, but also because I kept on at them to do something. He’s seen SALT and various external SEN specialists and everything’s fallen in to place.
Don’t ever feel guilty or embarrassed for stamping your feet to get people to listen. Sometimes they need to know you’re not going away!
Good luck...and a hug 💐

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