To ask what it's like when your kids grow up

[twelveminutespast]

I have a 10 month old baby boy and he's my first. I just read another thread about OP saying she'd had enough of parenting teens. The thought of my little baby boy growing up into a young man makes me so sad.

I know it's a long way off but time flies

What's it like when your babies grow up? Is it difficult or does it just feel like a natural adjustment? He's my first DC so I've never experienced it before

I couldn’t wait for my two to grow up as I didn’t like the toddler years, but now they are grown up and left the nest, I yearn for the days they were at home. I had a purpose back then, now I’m on my own it’s hard to adjust again. Yes I have the freedom I yearned for but it’s lonely.

@Stuckupsnob that resonates with me, my kids are 36, 33 and 18. The 18 year old is still home but probably not for much longer and I’m dreading it!

My ds is 16, in the middle of his GCSE's & it feels like time has flown, it doesn't seem 2 minutes since he was a toddler, started preschool & then proper school. On his last day at primary school on of the other mums said that time would fly once they go to secondary school & it really has, he is off to Italy with school next week, it feels wrong that my baby is going away without me & doesn't need me by his side,but in other ways I am so proud of the intelligent young man he has become. It is probably harder for me because since he was 6 I have brought him up as a single parent, it has always been me & him together against the world.

I could have written your post myself. I have one Ds who is 5mo. My DH mentioned him going to school the other day and I burst into tears. I want him to be my little baby forever. .

I wasn't keen on having another as really struggled the first 3mo, but now it's all I can think about. Time really does fly.

I couldnt imagine mine grown up either and thought I would hate it. It's great. I love it, having adult conversations, discussing anything and everything, going for meals/drinks together.. you adapt to all the stages. For me teens were the worst stage

After the teen years you're ready to let them go and refind tour own sanity.

My eldest hasn't left home, he's 18 and in college, but my god, the difference from when he left school to now is huge. He has turned into an absolutely lovely man. Yes, he has his grumpy moments (so do I at 47!!), but the way he has become independent, knows exactly what he is doing, is lovely to see.

I look at all 6'3" of him now and can't believe he was a 6lb 7oz new born. Will I like it when he leaves home? No, but I'll also be excited for him. He's a person to be proud of.

Our youngest is 13 (going on 30!!) and has his life mapped out. He has benefited every step of the way from having an older brother. He's extremely independent and very grown up, but I still get a kiss goodbye when he goes off to school.

OP I bet you won't be sad when he grows, the years will be challenging for sure, but I know you'll love seeing him grow into a man. Trust me, the 18 years with our eldest have flown by.

It is a privelige watching them grow into independant adulthood.

Oldest is getting ready to buy her first home with her partner and planning her first big business trip. What we can offer is grown up experience and DIY skills if wanted. It is no longer our role to sweep in and make it all better.

For all the traumas in the moment I cant say that there hasnt been a stage I havent enjoyed. Yes, even the teenage years!

I have a different perspective as I work with poorly children who sometimes don't grow up, or will need life long care. As hard as it is seeing your babies grow up, it is an absolute privilege and the natural order of things. That's not to say we all wouldn't want to freeze time on happy moments.

In a lighter note, having 2 hideous sleepers and a high energy child has left me with no illusions-the baby years were brutal, the school years have been welcomed with open arms!!

Mine haven't left home yet, but my mom was fine when I did, as was my dad. They were happy I was independent. I have a great relationship with them, as do my children and I hope to follow in their footsteps. There's a difference between loving your children and being there for them always and making them your complete life. I don't want to be bereft when they leave, because that's the point of raising them.

OP just as your baby will be ready for weaning, to run, for nursery, school, secondary, first party, girlfriend, etc, he will one day be ready to leave home. All natural developmental steps.

Practically you will be proud and your home wil be tidy and quiet.

Op it’s just different, not better or worse. It’s like when you are heavily pregnant and then you suddenly have a newborn. Then you have a crawler, then a toddler touching everything! Each stage is different and you will love each one :)

That's hard @fantasfooook

When people say it goes by in a blink of an eye it really does. On her 18th birthday I was quite overwhelmed by that feeling.

And I was bereft when my oldest left home to go to uni last year - I cried for about a week like my heart was broken. She’s so lovely to have around but I slowly got used to the new norm and we text every single day numerous times (she initiated it) and speak a couple of times a week. She’ll be home next week for a few days & I can’t wait 🥰 but I should also add I’m also enjoying not having to give her lifts or pick her up at 2.30am from a party!!!

I can’t fucking wait.

I’m pregnant with DD2 and DD1 is a year old. I’ve not slept in over two weeks for more than a 3 hour stint at a time. Oh and I’ve got a husband with man flu.

I can’t fucking wait for them to move out right now

I adore my teens and adults. Funny, articulate, caring, yes pains at times as young teens but so what, we all can be!
When they leave home...that is awful.

It's lovely. Seeing them grow up into independent, lovely, mature, caring people. Having adult conversations. Seeing them face real difficulties and come through. Being proud of who they are.

Dd and I love the same books, the same actors, the same jokes. She has left home and is living in London, but she phones several times a week and tells me about her life. She is coming home for a few days next week and it's going to be lovely. I didn't even think it was that bad that she went: she is doing the thing she has always dreamt of and I am so excited for her. She has fought her way through enormous difficulties and I trust her to keep on fighting.

Ds (19) is still living at home. He is quieter than dd, doesn't go in for long chats, but it's just nice to have him around. He cooks us a meal once a week; he pops his head in in the morning to say have a good day. When his grandmother was dying he travelled for hours in each direction with us and sat patiently by her bedside talking to her, watching out anything she might need. I am so proud of the young man he has become.

I love having teenagers and watching them grow from boys into young men. Sometimes I feel a twinge of sadness when I see photos of them as toddlers or babies cuddled up to me, but I love the relationships I have with them now and we have a lot of laughs, deep chats and still have cuddles, although not as often. The challenges they bring now are different and they need as much ever as teenagers, albeit in different ways.

My kids are teenagers now and the days of not having a moment to myself are over. I really, REALLY appreciate this in a way I didn't before children.

Remembering them as teeny chubby children is, frankly, a nugget of pain, like poking a sore tooth. Sometimes I think - I wish I could kiss a chubby cheek again, I wish I could smell them again, I wish I could bury my head in their hair again....

They're so lovely and I'm so proud of them - I can see my earlier hard work bearing fruit (I love their perfect grammar and elegant vocabularies; I love when they pass by me doing some kind of housework and offering a hand- these are thrilling developments) but I miss having young children so much.

The 17 year old - I worry so much, particularly when he's out. I wonder about his mental health, him drinking too much, him taking some random drugs, and so on. I worry all the time.

My kids are teenagers now and the days of not having a moment to myself are over. I really, REALLY appreciate this in a way I didn't before children.

Agree with this. It wasn't long ago when me and my wife were out on our own (we can do this a lot now), we said, "god, we have got our lives back".

I think the teen years are a way of helping you all adjust to them growing up and leaving home. They do often become so awful that you're pleased when they do decide to fly the nest. 😆

It's lovely. Seeing them grow up into independent, lovely, mature, caring people. Having adult conversations. Seeing them face real difficulties and come through. Being proud of who they are.

Yeah, this! My DS is only 12 but it seems like since he started secondary school he's suddenly grown into a teenager. He definitely doesn't feel like a child anymore.

But it's so good to see those first steps of independence...dealing with secondary school and all that entails, going to town on his own, having his own bank card. I love seeing him become his own person, with his own interests, dealing with challenges in his own way. And I enjoy my independence more too - no more rushing home from work to do the school run. I can take my time as he's at a friend's house or football training, or can wait by himself at home for a little while.

And it's fun to do things with him these days, as we enjoy doing the same things. I can take him to the pub to watch the rugby, give him a coke and a bag of crisps and he's brilliant company!

I do miss his little squidgy cheeks though, especially as I was aware quite early on that he'd be my only, so each stage has been the first and last time we'd both be doing it.

I always say that each stage is the best but I have to say that the pre-teen one is the one that I've been most proud. Hope it doesn't all go tits up when he hits the teenage years!

A lot depends on their individual character. My three are completely different characters ranging from very family oriented to vaguely embarrassed that we're their parents!
One of mine loves popping around and we have a close relationship. One has become more and more distant since she married and basically ignores us these days. And the youngest barely bothers to answer his phone.
Don't know where we went wrong.

Like everything else, it's gradual. You adjust without noticing, just as your newborn became a 10 month old without there being a big change all at once.

Of course we all have our favourite stages of parenting (mine was the 3-5 age, which I can get quite nostalgic and soft about) but pretty much every age has its moments, and the progression is natural and gradual. No big shocks!

My ds just turned 18 he is my only child, we have always been just us 2 and it's a lot of adjustment, some of his teen years weren't great but neither were some moments when he was small. His at college and working and I work 2 jobs we rub along nicely and have a fab relationship but I do find little moments when I get sad about all that has gone but am ultimately proud of him of me and of our little family.