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AIBU?

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Sisters DH feeling left out since having the baby

9 replies

namechange39582 · 12/02/2020 16:13

Name changed as not sure who is on here. My sister has recently had a baby and from the minute she was pregnant her DH has almost seemed jealous. For instance when she announced it a relative said something along the lines of. I can't believe your having a baby congratulations. That night I found out her DH was apparently angry at us all for focusing all the attention on her. But especially on said relative as he had said she was having a baby not them.
Since having the baby he was upset when we visited again at the hospital for asking how she was after the labour but not him. She also admitted to not breastfeeding as apparently it's his baby to and he wants to feed the baby.
AIBU to think this isn't normal? I do get to an extent men can feel like a spare part sometimes. I have a toddler with my DH so I know what it's like. I do think maybe we should have asked how he was after the labour as I know it can be traumatic to watch. But still feel like I can see some red flags.

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 12/02/2020 16:16

Not normal no

Janaih · 12/02/2020 16:16

Shit definite red flags. Keepin close contact with your sister, dont criticise him so she feels she has to make excuses but be as supportive as you can Flowers
If you get a chance to talk to her on her own maybe gently probe further Flowers

MermaidUnicorn · 12/02/2020 16:16

Loads of red flags! He sounds very controlling. None of this is normal behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 12/02/2020 16:17

Lots of red flags
Is he controlling in other ways?

Ladyks · 12/02/2020 16:19

Not breastfeeding solely because he wants to feed the baby too? Huge red flag imo

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 12/02/2020 16:19

It’s not normal and comes across as controlling. I would be concerned if this was my sister in a relationship with a man like this.

namechange39582 · 12/02/2020 16:21

Thanks everyone I didn't think it was normal but was questioning myself. @Shoxfordian no before she was pregnant I never thought he of him as controlling at all. In fact he has always seems quite laid back.

OP posts:
BusyProcrastinator · 12/02/2020 16:22

Red flags! Have a look at this and then see what you think freedomprogramme.co.uk/

LolaSmiles · 12/02/2020 16:23

I think it's normal for partners to feel like a bit of a spare part. I also think it's very easy to overlook the impact of labour and a new baby on a partner and forget to check in with them (DH found it hard to see me in pain for example because he felt he couldn't help even though he wanted to make it better).

However, your sister's DH takes it too far. He seems to focus far too much on him and attention on him and what he wants. The fact he wants the baby to not be breastfed because HE wants HIS way over what is best for baby, combined with the wanting attention and his own way is a massive red flag.

Agree with other posters, be there to listen, don't criticise him and keep an eye.

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