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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or petty?

30 replies

Loli2 · 12/02/2020 10:32

AIBU

There are three of us in a friendship, All get on really well. Never have any bad words or fall out about anything. Great laugh together.

Two of us already married, all three went to the weddings. For mine they did not stay on to celebrate for a second night (thats fine, people dont want to take a monday off work and wouldn't expect them too even though they are my best friends, that's up to them) but for the other one we all did stay for the second night which was a bit annoying but hers was first so I did not know she wasn't going to return the effort.

Now the third is getting married this year. Making an emphasis that it will be a full weekend party and that it will be great fun to have everyone stay on the second night. OTHER FRIEND IS UP FOR THIS ALSO!!!

AIBU to think they are treating me unfairly or am I just being a princess and petty?

Also...I now don't want to stay for that second night out of principle but worried 1. I'll miss a great night 😂 and 2. That it's petty. I'm sure they would know why I didn't stay on.

OP posts:
frillyfarmer · 12/02/2020 10:34

Yeah you're being a dickhead.

GinDaddy · 12/02/2020 10:37

It's petty...why are you measuring friendships by such an arbitrary and specific metric, namely staying an extra night to celebrate?

YABU, just go and be a good friend to them and celebrate with them.

GinDaddy · 12/02/2020 10:37

@frillyfarmer

Was it necessary to call the OP that?

Is this an example of the "robustness" of AIBU that I'm meant to appreciate here?

CakeandCustard28 · 12/02/2020 10:39

You’re being petty. Go have fun.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 12/02/2020 10:40

I thought a wedding was a marriage to your fiancé not a competition to see who can be the best friend?

Nothing2doooooo · 12/02/2020 10:40

I can understand feeling a bit looked over. If it bothers you so much, could you possibly bring it up jokingly..as an offhand comment, so as not to make it awkward. See what they say.

Secondly, if you want to stay for the second night, then stay. Don't leave just because they didnt stay on your wedding - that would be petty and spiteful. But if you have actual commitments, then don't feel bad about leaving.

CameFromAway · 12/02/2020 10:41

It's not a competition. Go, have fun, celebrate with your mates.

Constantlurker · 12/02/2020 10:44

What days were the other weddings? If theirs are Friday/Saturday nights, or Saturday/Sunday night's its a bit easier to manage than a Sunday/Monday night as you have to take time off work to do it. I wouldn't read too much into it.

KatharinaRosalie · 12/02/2020 10:44

that's a really odd way to measure the friendship. Sometimes I can spend more time with friends, sometimes less - does not matter i like one of them more.

Divebar · 12/02/2020 10:44

Is it not enough to have a wedding day now....People must have a wedding weekend?

Randomname85 · 12/02/2020 10:44

Wow, impressive levels of pettiness here.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/02/2020 10:44

Did all second nights involve taking a day off work?

Either way you're being petty, let it go and enjoy yourself

BlackCatSleeping · 12/02/2020 10:44

I agree! Don't be a dickhead. Just go and have fun. Wink

Original poster
Loli2 · 12/02/2020 10:45

*2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

I thought a wedding was a marriage to your fiancé not a competition to see who can be the best friend?*

Yes you are totally right and it didn't bother me at the time, only now years later when i see the commitment theyre happy to give each other but not me.

@frillyfarmer thanks for the constructive criticism😂

Thanks everyone, for feedback, glad there's a consensus. I'll just forget about it, dont think its worth bringing up!

OP posts:
OlaEliza · 12/02/2020 10:46

Were/are their weddings on a Friday or Saturday and yours was a Sunday?

If so you are being unreasonable.

You are are being ridiculous anyway.

Whynosnowyet · 12/02/2020 10:46

Surely you should be too 'busy' with your new dh to care if anyone stayed a second night?
Confused

puds11 · 12/02/2020 10:46

@Loli2 you petty dick head 🤣🤣

Forget it, just have fun and free booze!

FetchezLaVache · 12/02/2020 10:47

Who on earth wants guests still around the night after their wedding??

OlaEliza · 12/02/2020 10:48

Two day or weekend weddings, along with hen do's abroad are unreasonable and ridiculous too.

Original poster
Loli2 · 12/02/2020 10:49

And for the record it is a cultural reason there are two nights of celebrations! We're not all spoiled and need a two day celebration😂😂
Good to see we have a healthy mix of cultures here though

OP posts:
jellybean85 · 12/02/2020 10:50

Could be all sorts of reasons. Depending on what's Going on at work home sometimes an all weekend party is welcome sometimes it's a pain in the arse Grin I doubt it's a bigger sing sign of how they view the friendships

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/02/2020 10:50

Is it possible that they really enjoyed the full weekend at the first wedding and are now thinking ‘I wish we’d done that for Loli’s wedding too - let’s definitely do it this time’? That sounds more likely than a deliberate snub.

It sounds like you have a good friendship group with no issues. If you cause one over this you might regret it. Go and have a brilliant time Grin

Billyeyelash · 12/02/2020 10:53

If this is the only thing niggling you as something you feel is unfair then forget it. It's not likely to be a slight on you but due to circumstances at that time.

Enjoy your friends.

frillyfarmer · 12/02/2020 10:57

@GinDaddy it isn't "necessary" to respond in any given way, on a forum.

But if you're going to post in AIBU and the essence of the issue is that you don't want to go to day two of your friend's wedding because she didn't come to yours, even though by your own admission you might miss out on a good night, then you're fairly deserving of the title "dickhead". I don't know why weddings seem to draw out the worst of people, but neither "petty" nor "unreasonable" seem to accurately describe the OP in this instance, IMO dickhead is bang on the money. 👌🏼

Bezalelle · 12/02/2020 10:57

Petty.

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