To leave new senior management role because life is too short

[Guccidowntothesocks]

I started a new job in senior management for a private company two weeks ago. Previously held a similar position in the public sector for many years and accepted this opportunity because of the significant pay rise on offer. I absolutely hate it. Thrown straight in at the deep end with huge responsibility and no support or training whatsoever. Since my first day I’ve been absolutely bombarded with an unmanageable amount of work to do. In addition to the volume, the work is far more complex than I’m used to and I can only conclude that I’m not as competent/experienced as I thought I was in the field. My manager is based at the other end of the country so I have no direct support. The management colleagues I sit with in the office have not been at all welcoming, so spend most of my day in silence, which feels very isolating.

I realise now that I have made a terrible mistake leaving my previous role, which was stress free, I was good at it and I worked with lovely bunch of people. I now spend my working days feeling anxious each time yet another email comes in to my inbox. With each day that goes by I seem to be receiving more and more work through and not only is there far too much to manage, it feels beyond my level of capability. I have barely slept over the last two weeks worrying about the expectations of my role and the volume and complexity of work. I left the office at the end of the day today in tears and have reached the point where I don’t feel I can continue.

WIBU to leave straight away so that I can miss this off of my CV, start job hunting again and just put it down to a lesson learnt? DH is insisting that to leave after such a short time without at least finding another job first would be career sabotage, but I’m not sure I can stay long enough to find another job, in fact I can barely bring myself to go in tomorrow

Any advice/opinions would be gratefully received.

Blackbear low paid jobs come with a different stress. The constant, gnawing fear of homelessness and debt.

Can't compare that to the fear of losing a contract.

Op - I suspect that you have simply had a sharp dose of reality of leaving the public sector.

Unless you go back to the public sector, I think you will simply find yourself in a similar situation again!

I’d never ever think that how I felt two weeks in was indicative of how I’d feel long term. A significant increase in responsibility is going to be hard.

Way too early to make any decisions.

If you can afford to, do. I felt exactly this. Not as senior role as yours admittedly. I quit after 3 months. It was truely awful.

My last job was similar. I decided to give it a year. It was dire. Unsustainable work load. Totally unsupportive colleagues, backstabbing managers. In hindsight I should have left after a fortnight!

If you have already emailed, requesting support and thus documented all this?

I had. And was then told I was being paid so much that they expected me to able to do it all, and more! That's when I knew I could never win.

It is going to take more than two weeks to get to grips with a significant increase in responsibility and gel with new colleagues, and you need to be proactive in making both happen.

Your employer will not want to go through the recruitment process again. They thought you were right for the job so, unless you lied or wildly exaggerated, you have the potential to be. Talk to your line manager about your concerns at least, and their response will probably tell you whether it is worth persevering or not.

Op I don’t think this is a case of moving from public to private sector. I’ve worked in both at various levels. Yet every new job comes with the “what the hell am I doing moment” especially when you don’t get a proper induction or handover of roles. You do need to flag up that you need more help/training though, be honest and tell them the areas you are struggling with. Presumably you have a probationary period and some form of oversight during this?

You gave its go and it is not for you
Hand in your notice, leave it off your cv and be glad you did.
Income is not worth the overall Stress if you can go without it.
Oh to someones reply it's not fair you don't give them a try,,, "sabotaging your sector" make them look bad" Get real.. the management sector of over load and unnecessary pressures not for everyone.

Great advice from PlanetSlattern.

Tbh, I think you're learning the hard way about the perils of going after the money. (I thought of that thread about the dh too), and perhaps the perils of following general ideas of what a 'career' should be. I'm a specialist, not a manager, and I have never had any desire to be one. It's only on here that I realised some people feel that means I have no 'career' and am unambitious. (I work for myself now, but I have no intention of ever 'growing' to have employees ever).

The only sensible way out of where you are right now, assuming you can't return to your old job, is to be proactive about getting what you need to no longer feel like this, and, if that doesn't work, then to leave. You seem a bit like a rabbit in headlights right now, which can't be the full story about you and your capabilities, otherwise you wouldn't be a senior manager. Channel the abilities to communicate and advance your agenda that got you where you are, and have a go at sorting this out. No shame in leaving if they're not responsive.

You gave it a go and it's not for you

I'd argue that she's not really given it a go though? Two weeks is nothing.

No shame in not wanting the stress (I'm in a very low stress job but it's not well paid, that's how these things usually work) but I think you need to give it a bit longer.

Why not start looking for something else right now, today, so you can feel like you have an 'out' but simultaneously follow some of the advice above about asking for help and in this role from your manager and colleagues. What's the worst that can happen? They think badly of you? Or that you can't cope? Because they are going to think that if you leave after two weeks anyway. So you may as well ask for the support now and see if it helps.

Try and think why you wanted this job. Ok, the money, but there must have been things about the actual work that you were excited about? Start there in your chat with your manager.

I would give it a bit more time and at least one significant attempt to request more support. I have had this feeling a few months into a new job and have turned it around.

It’s not the end of the world if you leave and your cv will recover but it just sounds like you are still settling in.

If you feel the expectations around support or lack of support are unrealistic you do need to speak up. It’s not in their interests to have people feeling they are drowning in senior management roles.

I don’t think you have to become a martyr; if it’s really killing you don’t stay. I just don’t think two weeks is long enough to tell.

Probation is for both sides. If you absolutely hate it then I don’t see any reason for sticking it out. Life is too short really. You will find another role which is a better fit for you.

Really tough one.
I've known a few people in my life who have moved jobs for ones that seem better and have better pay, and they've been back in their old jobs (lucky to have that opportunity) within a month because the new jobs were just too much for them.

Is there the slightest chance that you could go back to your old role or is that gone now?

I'd consider putting feelers out to your old department if there IS a chance, unless you'd feel too humiliated to do that - but usually people are pretty good and understanding if this happens, in my experience.

If it's just overwhelm at the moment and you believe that you could get a handle on it if you only had the time, then try to create the time for yourself by refusing to be sidetracked by anything/anyone else until you've got a system going.

But if it's going to make you ill worrying about it and having no sleep then maybe it's better to let this one go and start looking elsewhere immediately.

I was in a very similar position to yours and few years ago, although the reason for leaving my previous job was stress rather than pay.

Within a couple of days, I realise that I had taken my knowledge and expertise of my previous role, the sector, and my contact, all of which gave me a sense of confidence for granted. Finding myself in a new role where I felt out of comfort zone was totally distabilising and like you, I considered leaving in the first few weeks, however, I decided to wait for my 1 to 1 with my manager and to my surprise, she was very supportive, telling me it was normal to feel the way I did, and that I just needed to take time and to be patient.

I continued to feel the same for 6 months, and although I did start to feel more confident and was building new relationships, I desperately missed my old comfort zone. Thankfully, a role came up at my old organisation and I love it.

Looking back, I realised that I'd reached an age where doing something new, learning is exciting is now gone. What I need now is being in control to be confident. I think it is quite common.

My advice would be to discuss it with your line manager. You might find that they don't expect half as much from you as you expect from yourself. Your colleagues might be lovely, but take more time to get to know people. Go to work telling yourself that whatever happens doesn't matter because you'll be in a new job soon. What worse can happen than to be told to leave, which is what you are thinking of doing anyway?

Check if your old job is still open. Check if there are jobs out there for you to apply for.
Then if there are consider leaving.

I've been in this position - you know when something is not going to work so I think you should leave immediately but so give your manager feedback as to why it didn't work for you as you may need a reference. I wouldn't miss it off your cv, if they ask at new interview simply say the role wasn't as you expected.
Good luck.

It’s good advice that the additional money is for the additional challenge. However there are management jobs where you are trained and supported and those where you are not. So this doesn’t mean you’re crap at management. I would argue though that if you’re not happy and feel unwell it’s not worth it.

Two weeks isn’t that long and most people take a few months to find their feet.

However, I understand what it’s like to be very unhappy at work.

Could you stick it out for say three months. Tell yourself if it doesn’t get better you will leave, but then at least you will have given it a chance?

Will your old work area be recruiting, what are your chances of returning?

OP, can you go back to your old job? Might be worth checking. I know someone who did this. Tried something new, it wasn’t for him, but was able to go back.

This reminds me of a recent thread where the OP wanted her DH to leave his public sector role and take a job offer in the private sector with a much higher salary.

Yes, and with so many posters saying he had to man up!

Was your old job in the civil service because I am sure there is something where they will try to take you back (possibly in another role if your old one has been filled) if you change your mind within 6 months or a year of leaving. I know people who have done this but am struggling to find any info online.

Are you meant to be doing it all yourself? Can’t you delegate?

I think this is how it is in the private sector and what the big money is for. You have to speak to your manager and give them a chance. Also speak to your local colleagues. Maybe they all feel the same and that's why they are not chatting.

You sound a bit like your throwing your toys out the pram. Man up and review the workload and break it down into deliverables and talk to your manager about what you can and cant manage. Sounds like you've had a fairly easy ride on lower money. You need to give this more time.

When i started my current role 6 years ago I knew something was amiss. It was unlike any of the jobs I'd had before - the volume of work, the stress, being a team of just one with lots of responsibility (sitting in senior team) /emergencies and out of hours working.

I wanted to leave after 2 weeks, but didn't. I wish I'd stuck with my gut as it never got any better. However, I can't afford to leave even though it's an average UK salary.

I disagree with the poster upthread about only high paid jobs coming with a certain level of stress and responsibility.