5 year old daughter at school

[iamruth]

Hi all,

My 5year old has become a little unsettled at school, I think she is often “falling out” with her best friend (inseparable since last year in nursery). As an ex teacher I absolutely appreciate this is not uncommon but what concerns me is the worry that it might often be caused by my daughter not always being as nice/kind as she could be (two sides to every story but she can be strong willed at home with her siblings too). We work really hard to support her to model reacting to situations at home in a “kinder” way, speaking nicely etc and have a good relationship with the friends parents but does anyone have any advise or has experience of how to support in this situation? The class teacher isn’t that engaged and doesn’t seem concerned but I hate the idea of her upsetting someone with any regularity.

As I'm sure you know, kids use their friendships and relationships with others to learn how to interact with people. Your daughter will be learning how to do this, will make mistakes in order to learn. She will also test friendships, especially those close to her.

I think if her teacher isn't overly concerned I wouldn't worry too much. Just talk through things with your DD if she comes home unsettled so she can work it through with you.

If you think her being unsettled is happening too often and is making her unhappy, then that's the time to ask to meet and discuss with the teacher.

[Also bear in mind that if there is anything worrying her at home, that could impact on her emotionally too and spill out into school.]

Do you know the parent of the sometimes-best-friend? I always think it’s good to chat parent to parent if possible. There may be something going on that you don’t know about. And just to pre-empt any problems that may happen in the future it’s good to be on good terms in case they have a major falling out. Good to tell them that you’re aware there are problems and you’re talking with your daughter about being kind.

At least you realise that it is two sided! I'm always amazed by how many people assume that their children are perfect and won't hear of anything to the contrary. Little ones are just learning about friendship and they all have a bash at being top dog.

@teapotter
Yes, I have been able to talk to the friends mum thankfully and she thinks it’s probably a bit of six of one half a dozen of the other, they’re both pretty feisty and know their minds! Hoping that by keeping that communication open I can at least talk to her if anything major comes up!

@ShawshanksRedemption
Absolutely, she is definitely testing and learning I’m just concerned that We are not there to support her to see another point of view but I’m hoping to arrange a few More play dates so we can see how they’re getting on. They always seem happy at the end of the school day and play together in the playground but I just want to make sure we’re supporting her to learn to have positive friendships

@ironicname

Oh yes, I am under no illusions that she is by no means perfect (well she is to me but in the real world...). I guess I just feel like she might need some support to empathise and be a bit less stubborn to have good relationships with friends and I want to make sure we’re doing as much as we can to facilitate that. My other children are naturally much more easy going so I feel like there are different challenges usually for them but I’m sure they do their fair share of ‘being in the wrong’ too!

Also @ironicname your comment about having a bash at being top dog struck a chord with me, she’s the middle of three children and quite competitive so maybe it’s her way of being “on top” as you say.