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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be upset?

6 replies

Phoebe73 · 11/02/2020 18:48

My DH has recently been laid off. He was in a leadership role with over 20 direct reports. One of those direct reports is a young, pretty mid 20s female that is also one of his most talented/strongest employees.

Last week, he was working on his computer at home when I went up to talk to him and he asked me to wait while he minimized what I saw was clearly a chat session along with other windows, then turned to me with his full attention. I asked him why he minimized and he flew off the handle.

A few days later, I saw he had the same females resume, and a lot of her work as well as a picture that he seemed to download off his phone of her. My question and point is that he has over 20 direct reports and she is the only one that he had a picture of on his desktop. I don't suspect that he has ever cheated however, he has crossed the line before albeit not physically. I'm looking for thoughts on how I might interpret this. I'm obviously a bit upset by it but I'm looking for another's perspective. Perhaps I'm over reacting.

OP posts:
Notajogger · 11/02/2020 18:55

How has he crossed the line before? I expect that might be relevant to know what his mindset is.
Does sound a bit odd, yes, mainly the flying off the handle.
Was she made redundant too, could he be helping her find work?
Have you asked him about it?

whereishappyat · 11/02/2020 20:26

If this was me I would be honest with him, I may sound a bit desperate and needy but I would just say I'm feeling a insecure about this I'm really sorry but can you just show me what's what with such a thing. What have you got to lose? Just ask him, if he flips then I would be more suspicious. I would do anything to make my husband feel secure within our marriage and he would me too.

Laurenk474 · 11/02/2020 20:31

Hmm i would not like this either. My suspicions would be raised. I would be having a look through his phone if I got the chance!

FritzDonovan · 11/02/2020 20:35

There is no good reason for him to be in contact, or looking through her pictures. Do your research then confront, and be prepared for him to minimise and lie. But you probably know this already, if hes already crossed the line before. Do you keep an eye on him atm because of that? Sounds like you should.

ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2020 20:43

I asked him why he minimized and he flew off the handle.

This is not OK, why would he fly off the handle? I mean, unless you accuse him all the time of having affairs and don't trust him (which if innocent would be awful for him), then I can't understand why he'd treat you like that?

FritzDonovan · 11/02/2020 20:51

unless you accuse him all the time of having affairs and don't trust him (which if innocent would be awful for him)

But deserved, if he's crossed the line before (whatever that was).

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