Midweek contact and school pick ups/drop offs

[richteasandcheese]

For those whose children stay overnight midweek with their dads - are they collected from you after work or from school? And in the morning, are they dropped back to you or are they taken to school by their dads? Trying to work out if I'm being unreasonable or not in expecting him to take them to school - his refusal because of work feels like a control attempt as it limits what I can do during the day in my own work

I would expect collect from school and drop off to school...pretty obvious in my opinion, guessing thats what you want as well?

From school/ drop of back to school. The contact agreement makes him responsible from sometime in the middle of the day ( forget exactly) until the middle of the next day. I think that’s standard.

I say he picks up from school but he uses an off-site breakfast and after school club or sometimes a childminder, as do I on some of my days. Our arrangement is 9/14 to 5/14, with me having the greater share. I use his mid week day to work a really long day to give me flexibility elsewhere. We both work FT but his hours are longer.

It depends really I think. My sisters ex picks the kids up from my parents who do the school pick up and in a morning drops off at hers as he starts earlier than her. He lives local and school is on her way to work so she doesn't mind.

Yes @Lazypuppy but apparently that's just not doable despite his flexitime (he will often have 7.30am meetings) and I'm a selfish bitch for expecting it

I think it really depends on each persons work pattern, degree of flexibility etc. One friends sahm so her ex drops them to her and she takes and picks them up from school. Another friend splits breakfast club costs with her ex do they can each drop at breakfast club before work.

He picks up from school and takes to school the next day. Otherwise there would be no point in him having the DC midweek.

It depends on the work pattern, surely?

Some people do have set hours and can't just come in late to do the school run.

What does he do? He may genuinely have no choice.

We take DSD to school. Mornings she's at her mums we will pick her up around 6:45. If her mums not having her, we will pick her up from school. Sometimes it's me and other times it's her dad as he changed his shifts so he can do it too. If she's going to her mums after school then her mum either picks her up or pays/puts her in after school club until she finishes work.

If it’s his day, it’s his problem to solve. Funny how women can normally manage to sort something, even if it’s at extra expense (clubs, childminder or drop in income) but some men “genuinely have no choice”. Bullshit.

Let’s be reasonable if you always worked 10-2 then it wouldn’t be an issue but if you pattern is work late when they are with dad then you can’t help can you?

Don't make the mistake I did, you are not a selfish cow like he says.
I have very recently changed due to my work that he now takes them to school after having them the previous night - dumb arse here used to let him drop them off for me to get to school then me get to work later and work reduced hours!!! How foolish was I. Also I'm a dumb arse as I pay for after school care on his night!! Apparently that's what he pays maintenance for!!!
I need to sort that one too it's on my list

What does he do? He may genuinely have no choice.

That is no longer op’s problem. He will just have to find a solution like everyone else in the same boat. It is easier for him to make it the op’s problem and she absolutely should put her foot down.

⬆️⬆️ exactly not your problem as not your night

He works in an office. He would like to make out that the world would end if he was later in to work

@richteasandcheese that's my ex! His work is far more important than mine!! So he gets to work full time and enjoy a full
Time salary while I work part time for pittance to look after our children! 😡😡

If he can’t parent during his parenting time, he could ask for a favor to have you do the school run and offer something in return that helps you. Or he could compensate you financially because your work is taking a hit during his parenting time.

ExDP has DD (5) EOW on a Tuesday and Wednesday night. He collects her on a Tuesday from school, takes her there Wednesday morning, collects her Wednesday after school from school and then drops her to me on a thursday at 7.30am because he has a meeting at work at 9.30am on Thursdays. It’s a 30 minute journey but an hour in rush hour traffic.

To add : he did two months of taking her to school on a Thursday morning and looked into breakfast club (no space ) before asking if he could bring her back home

His mum collects them on his evening and takes them in the next day.

does school have wraparound care or could he look into a childminder?

I pick up from school and he then picks up from me at 6. But he is responsible for dropping to school.

But this works for us because I plan my shifts around school pick up. He can't get there for pick up time but can go in a bit later.

Yanbu if he wants the kids mid week then he needs to make his work fit around that like single mums have to do. You shouldn’t have to finish work early, with the reduced pay to facilitate that. If he can’t be flexible enough to look after his kids one day a week then he’ll have to wait until the weekend.