Hi all, not really quite sure what I hope to get out of posting but have been feeling very down since around new year and it doesn’t seem to be lifting. I’m feeling quite concerned actually as I’m having suicidal thoughts and feel very hopeless.
Have had periods of depression in the past but in recent years could usually spot a low mood and sort myself out with exercise, talking to my partner, staying busy, etc. And could recognise a low mood as a low mood and separate it from myself iyswim. At the moment there are a load of things swimming round my head, and I feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts and hopelessness. My thoughts seem to cycle from one thing to the next in a loop.
I was looking at counselling around a year ago and met with some different people. I wasn’t feeling massively awful at that point but had had some stresses and wanted to develop ways of managing such periods. In the end I decided to self-refer through my GP, which took 8 months for an appointment, which I had last week.
I left feeling much worse to be honest - having found counselling very useful in the past (around 10 years ago) I had been relieved to finally get an appointment. But rather than a counselling session, for about the fourth time since seeking access to talking therapy, I was ‘screened’ to see if I can still get access to counselling (are you depressed/anxious enough) and run through a laundry list of blunt questions (do you lose your temper? Do you have trouble with relationships?). I had already been feeling like this beforehand and it just felt quite bleak really (not at all the experience I’ve previously had with counselling).
I’ve reduced my hours at work recently (also work self-employed from home), which I think has not helped. I am feeling very isolated and scared that I am going to spiral down and not be able to get back up.
Don’t know what I am asking really! Just feeling quite fragile and worried and not sure what to do.