So we split just over a year ago. External pressures meant that both our mental health took a serious dive. We weren't communicating, we barely acknowledged each other, the atmosphere in the house was pretty bad. We didn't argue, not at all, we never had actually. We did everything for the kids. They were our entire focus. We didn't do anything to look after our relationship. I felt lonely, desperate and I was suicidal.
I started spending time with a friend who, after some time, I realised I had fell for. I don't know why, maybe it was spending quality time together that did it.
I left my spouse, had a breakdown, crisis team got involved, got together as a couple with my friend who I'm still with but it's been very on and off.
But I still miss my spouse, everyday. I know that's terrible because I'm with someone else now and I'm trying to make it work with them because this is where I am now. But I still miss my ex and wonder pretty much daily where it all went wrong. I wondering whether to try to speak to them. We are very civil together still. I am wondering whether to ask if they would consider reconciliation?
It all feels such a mess and although I am back at work now my mental health is still an issue but to a much lesser degree now thank goodness. I am no longer considered at imminent risk of suicide.
I don't know what I want. I'm so confused. But I feel like an urgent decision needs to be made before any of it is too late.
I'm going round in circles in my head and I don't know what to do.
I would welcome your thoughts please