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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider asking my ex if they would consider a reconciliation?

4 replies

Wwyd12 · 11/02/2020 09:29

So we split just over a year ago. External pressures meant that both our mental health took a serious dive. We weren't communicating, we barely acknowledged each other, the atmosphere in the house was pretty bad. We didn't argue, not at all, we never had actually. We did everything for the kids. They were our entire focus. We didn't do anything to look after our relationship. I felt lonely, desperate and I was suicidal.
I started spending time with a friend who, after some time, I realised I had fell for. I don't know why, maybe it was spending quality time together that did it.
I left my spouse, had a breakdown, crisis team got involved, got together as a couple with my friend who I'm still with but it's been very on and off.
But I still miss my spouse, everyday. I know that's terrible because I'm with someone else now and I'm trying to make it work with them because this is where I am now. But I still miss my ex and wonder pretty much daily where it all went wrong. I wondering whether to try to speak to them. We are very civil together still. I am wondering whether to ask if they would consider reconciliation?
It all feels such a mess and although I am back at work now my mental health is still an issue but to a much lesser degree now thank goodness. I am no longer considered at imminent risk of suicide.
I don't know what I want. I'm so confused. But I feel like an urgent decision needs to be made before any of it is too late.
I'm going round in circles in my head and I don't know what to do.
I would welcome your thoughts please

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 11/02/2020 14:30

I think you should be on your own and find out what your needs and wants are. Doesn’t sound like you’re in touch with your own emotions. Have some counselling too. All just my opinion of course!

VioletTurner · 12/02/2020 15:56

I agree with Teddy. Perhaps the relationship right now isn't what you want, and if that's the case you need to let that go. Spend sometime on yourself and taking care of you. You'll be in a much better position to re-look at this question then. Sending hugs Flowers

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 12/02/2020 15:58

Yep split up with this current person and do some work on why you were unfaithful and disrupted your spouse and children's lives

DratThatCat · 12/02/2020 17:20

SuperLoudPoppingAction very nice, kick the OP while she's down why don't you?

OP I also think you need to be on your own to figure out what you want. Think of it as necessary self care.

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