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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner up all night playing Xbox

24 replies

nsav · 11/02/2020 00:58

Hi there

Bit of background - I go to college Monday Tuesday and work 3x 12 hour shifts (working every 2nd weekend). I’m also 17 weeks pregnant. Partner is self employed so works from home.

I’m totally fed up, DP will come sit in the bedroom and watch a series we like for a bit then will piss off to his office, pump himself full of energy drinks and will play Xbox with his friend all night!

I struggle to sleep by myself (as does he) and would appreciate if we could go to bed at the same time - around 10/11pm so that we are up early and more productive. Will also help with a baby I think! DP can work whenever he wants really so he’s fine to be up until 3am whereas I am up at 7am most of the week.

He is sitting in the next room fucking around on Xbox just now instead of being normal and going to bed at a decent time?

He has terribly bad moods and I assume it’s a mix of being up late and drinking 3/4 energy drinks a day. It’s ridiculous and really annoying me!

Actually considering smashing this Xbox, and I’m usually a patient person!! Am I being ridiculous here?!

Note - we don’t spend much time together just now, only the 2 days a week I have off

OP posts:

Original poster

nsav · 11/02/2020 01:01

Oh and he’ll come in at like 3am, turn on the light and wake me up with his stomping

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 11/02/2020 01:02

This doesn't bode well at all in terms of him being a parent. Be very prepared to do absolutely everything on your own. I would be making an exit fund if I were you.

Original poster

nsav · 11/02/2020 01:04

@aquamarine1029 already on it...

OP posts:

Starksforthewin · 11/02/2020 04:42

What an absolute dick. I would have no respect for someone who prioritised their life on stupid gaming.
There is no way I would allow my sleep to be broken by this; it’s one thing caring for a baby overnight, that can’t be helped, but being woken in the small hours because of his selfishness would see me contacting a solicitor.
If he ‘works from home’ are you sure he is actually working at any point, or just playing his daft games?

He sounds like a liability and I would not have him in my life.

curiousierandcouriser · 11/02/2020 04:51

Well, I think YAB a little U regarding the bedtime. He's an adult and should be able to go to bed when he wants. The fact you have issues sleeping alone is not his problem.

However, YADNBU to be upset about him waking you up! If he chooses to stay up late, then he should either be extra quiet coming to bed OR sleep in the guest room / on the couch. A considerate partner should recognize that you need to be up early and work around that.

Make sure he is aware of the duties he will be expected to contribute 50/50 to. Don't concern yourself with his time management (adults can get non-time sensitive tasks done when they want) but make it clear that he will be doing half of the care as the baby's father. A visual rota might help.

Bluerussian · 11/02/2020 04:53

He does sound very immature. I associate x boxes with youngsters.

Do you not have a television in a room other than the bedroom on which you can watch series?

No way should he be stomping into the bedroom at 3am, waking you up. That has to stop straight away, it's totally inconsiderate.

Other than that I agree with what the others have said - and there will be plenty more when everyone gets up.

storm11111 · 12/02/2020 17:26

Ok my first reaction: HE TURNS THE LIGHT ON AT 3PM!?????

I'd punch his lights out for anyone who tried to pull this off!

Now i've got that out...

I'd sit down with him an explain that now he's a parent he can't act like he's single and nothing has changed.

He needs to keep regular hours so he is around to support you and the baby.

Say that you've both had this baby together and we both need to be bringing up this baby together. Pissing around on the x-box till god knows what time is not just about being on the x-box but it is him actively choosing to opt out of family life. I'd say that i''m not prepared to continue to put up with this situation where i'm compensating for your refusal to change your lifestyle to someone with a child.

Cyberlibre · 12/02/2020 17:31

You can't tell him when to go to bed. It isn't his fault that you can't sleep alone.
He will need to make sure he is getting a better sleep when the baby arrives though. How old is he? He sounds immature.

EuroMillionsWinner · 12/02/2020 17:34

When people show you who they are, believe them. He was like this before you got pregnant, he will not change because you are or when the baby comes. He wants to live like a teenager. Now you're pregnant, you have a choice, either live with the baby and another child, him, or make plans to leave now.

GrapesAreMyJam · 12/02/2020 17:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Saturdaysnotforexercise · 12/02/2020 17:52

Hang on - it’s not his fault you can’t sleep but fgs he’s the father of your unborn baby so should be falling over himself to help you any which way. Or at least adjust his juvenile lifestyle to reflect the fact he’s going to be a parent.

RasberryRoyale · 12/02/2020 17:57

Yanbu.

And I’m a huge gamer as is my DH. But even we wouldn’t do this.well, perhaps as a one off for a big game release but never when we are up early for work.

Gaming isn’t the issue. It’s your DP. What you describe isn’t normal.

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2020 17:59

Ok. Im going to be that poster.

Is this new or has he always been like this?

Tombliwho · 12/02/2020 18:13

That is a sad way to live for a grown adult, especially a soon to be parent.
I wouldn't be tolerating it when the baby arrives. He doesn't need to be going to bed at the same time as you, your sleep issues are yours to deal with.. but he does need to act like an actual grown up.

ghostmous3 · 12/02/2020 18:29

He sounds like my ex. Yes my ex is an adult and I couldn't tell him when ti come to bed but every night when he wasn't working he would be on his x box till 4 or 5 in the morning and he was also addicted to energy drinks.

It destroyed our relationship, we had kids and he became a a lazy shit who stole money off me and slept all the time because he was tired. Sex went out of the window dow. Well he was never in bed and I got used to sleeping on my own

Finally binned him off and I'm now with a normal man who hates gaming and gies to bed..with me at a normal time. It was an eye opener.

Your do won't get any better, make an exit plan

Vulpine · 12/02/2020 18:32

So gaming is not the issue? Does that mean alcohol is not an issue for alcoholics?

RasberryRoyale · 12/02/2020 18:34

Not all gamers are like this. I’m not, my DH isn’t. We spend time together every day and we go to bed together every night.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 12/02/2020 18:36

His gaming shouldn't take priority over your relationship.

Personally I like to go to bed at the same time as my partner but I see the point of people saying you can't police that - you do need to learn to be able to sleep on your own. No point creating an exit fund if you're incapable of sleeping without someone next to you.

Who's going to do the night feeds if he's gaming all night? You.
Who's going to do the day feeds if he's sleeping/'working' in the day? You.

Who pays for all his energy drinks? They're not cheap. Is it an affordable habit?

EuroMillionsWinner · 12/02/2020 18:41

Who pays for all his energy drinks? They're not cheap. Is it an affordable habit?

You can get CostCutter or EuroShopper brands of RedBull for about 50p so hardly breaking the bank. Unhealthy AF, though.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 12/02/2020 18:43

@EuroMillionsWinner even that's almost £15 a week. That'd pay for our nappies and formula.

PhilCornwall1 · 12/02/2020 18:48

I think expecting him to go to bed the same time as you isn't reasonable, he's an adult and if he wants to stay up later, he should be able to. The Xbox gaming as an adult baffles me, but that's just me. The stomping around and switching the light on at 3am is not on.

I'm usually getting up at about 3:45am to get painkillers and then stay up. I'm as quiet as anything to make sure I don't wake my wife and boys up (at 18 and 13 not much wakes them up). You have every reason to be hacked off being woken up at that time.

Motorbike311 · 12/02/2020 19:06

Is he playing call of duty BO4? its double XP on nuke town atm so its worth the effort if his trying to max prestige and get to level 1000.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 12/02/2020 19:10

I'd be asking (telling) him to sleep on the sofa if he's staying up and then waking you up in the middle of the night –sleep is so important and he's being unbelievably unreasonable turning lights on and stomping around at 3am.

You can't dictate an adult's bedtime, but as a light sleeper and someone who can't doze off properly if I know I'm going to be woken up at some point I appreciate it's frustrating. Maybe a few nights on the sofa will make him think differently? And if not, the fact that he can't prioritise his pregnant partner isn't a good sign.

I'm assuming you have actually sat down and explained how you feel to him, rather than just getting ragey?

SallyLovesCheese · 12/02/2020 19:33

I'd be totally PA and make sure when I got up at 7am that I turned on the light, stomped around and made as sure as hell he woke up. That would piss me off so much!

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