to be exhausted and fed up of co-sleeping

[St0pTryingT0MakeFetchHappen]

It's been 3 months, I hate it. I'm terrified I'll crush him to death in the night. I have back and neck pain. He won't sleep next to me, it has to be ON me. He has been fed, and changed, the room is a perfect temperature, the side on cot has been warmed, there is a muslin that smells of me. My boobs are empty - I have fed so many times and he's sucking for comfort not nutrition. My husband works away and there's no-one else to take him at night.

I don't think there's any good answer, I just want to know I'm not alone.

I hear you OP. I had a baby that was the same. I was so tired in the end I was having dreams that men were grabbing my boobs that I'd push her away in my sleep and we were both exhausted all the time. I had the health visitors involved and tried loads of different things. In the end we got a sleep trainer in at 7 months and put her in her own cot in her own room and I feel like I got my sanity back

10mo co sleeper here. Ironically I started co sleeping again at 7m for my sanity as he would wake every 45-60 minutes all night every night. Now I'm wondering why the hell I didn't just put him back in his cot at 8m and sleep train the heck out of him. You are not alone.

It’s so exhausting. We recently got a sleep consultant to help us get our six-month-old son out of our bed and into his own room, and it’s honestly been life-changing. Good luck OP.

Currently sitting up holding my 8m old. We were cosleeping to get more sleep which was working but it's not working anymore. I'm exhausted and over it. Love her to bits but oh my god I'm tired. Solidarity.

I know! I NEVER understand the threads on here where people suggest coalescing as the best way to get some sleep. Co sleeping for me was unbelievably exhausting. I put off sleep training for so so so long because of scaremongering. In the end it took 1 night and transformed all of our lives. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

How old is your baby OP?

My DD was the same. A friend gave us a nest which we had in the bed with us for a week - I would have her fall asleep on my chest and lie down before rolling onto my side and slowly lying her in the nest with my arm beside her. She took to it quite well and I found I never moved in my sleep because I was so aware of her being in the bed beside me. After a week or so, I moved the nest to her cot and would put her down asleep. It worked for a while but she often cried the second we put her down by the time she was about 6 months and grew out of the nest, normally when she was teething, and we ended up having her back in the bed. Shes 11 months now, still co sleeping and it's quite lovely because she just snuggles up to us and we all sleep a lot better for it. When my partner is working nights I use pillows on his side of the bed as a barrier to stop her wriggling off and dont tend to have any issue putting her down because she knows I'm close. That being said, it was a lot harder when she was younger but it does get better with time.

Aside from using a nest, I also found feeding her in her sleeping bag then putting her down seemed to help. Or lying down with her on my chest, rolling onto my side and slowly shifting so I was cradling her in my arm and patting her back if she stirred. At the moment shes teething and has been walking for the odd comfort feed and I just cuddle her close and feed lying on my side.

I know just getting them down can be a huge challenge some nights but personally I really enjoy co sleeping. I like having her close and being able to check her temperature/ breathing easily and neither myself nor my partner have ever rolled onto her in the night. Have you tried using a maternity or nursing pillow for your comfort and to stop you rolling or moving too much in your sleep?

Young babies are exhausting, I hope you find something that works for you

Do they wake up frequently for feeds during the night?
Initially I was worried about deep sleeping and harming lo but after I gave birth and I was waking up every 5 bloody minutes to feed, and then leaking boobs, nappy changed I realised it will be a long while before I'm ever in a sleep deep enough to do harm.
20 months on and it's still the best decision.

I think even in your sleep your subconscious is very aware of the precious little one lying next to you. I never move an inch, even on the rare nights where she decides to sleep 10 hours straight and we both sleep deeply. We've all always slept better with her in the bed rather than in her cot

Oh you poor thing
Try all the suggestions here. Have you tried swaddling for feed and putting down like that? Or friends swear by a sleepy head pod thing.
You're not alone. It does get easier eventually. I'm sorry you're having to do nights by yourself! .
Have you tried a dummy for the sucking not feeding times?
Or feeding lying down so you dont have to move them once finished you just withdraw yourself to the other side of the bed
Or white noise that sounds like your heartbeat? .
All you can do is try different things until you find what works. It wont last forever, though I know it feels like it will.
The first 3 months are so tough

*by here I meant PP, not just mine!

It is hard work. I was in the same position as you. I used to have them in the crook of my arm. DH worked away and I had no family here.

So don't do it anymore! There's been some great suggestions here for how to transition baby into the cot, believe me, much better you do it now than after the 4 month regression. Good luck!

Thanks foe the suggestions. In addition to what I've mentioned above, I've also tried (more than once) a dummy (several, spits them out), white noise (no appreciable difference), swaddling."Just not doing it" is not terribly helpful - I don't want to let him scream and wake up my other child. Last night he didn't sleep on me at all, so that helped. Glad I'm not alone

Baby just wants to be near you and hear your heartbeat. You are the comfort. I’ve been there and it is exhausting. Now mine are at school and I have to beg for a cuddle! It disappears so quickly. These newborn days are so so precious. I’m sorry but they are. You’ll never get this closeness back again. Ever. Once it’s gone, gone and suddenly they only want their friends and you’re surplus to requirements. Please try and enjoy it more. Breathe that baby in. I know it’s exhausting but it won’t be forever. What worked for me was sleeping when the baby slept. Housework gets left. If the baby slept 1-3 then I slept too. You have to get the sleep when you can and stop over thinking routines. Right now is all about bonding and it’s natural for the baby to want to be on you!

If you don’t want to do it, don’t. Make a plan of when to do it, then just stop and stick to it. Your baby will adjust much more quickly than you expect. You will be upset more than your baby, yes there will be crying but stay strong. Baby’s do not suffer any long term effects from a change like this. Just remember that. 💐

Update
Thanks whoever posted the "crook of the arm to laying down beside you" manouvere! Have managed to get the baby sleeping NEXT to me not ON me since trying that, and although it does involve me being awake a bit longer, the sleep I'm getting is better now that I'm less fearful of crushing him!

I was in your position too. I didn’t go the same sleeping training route, but cosleeping just got easier with time where instead of wanting to be on/plasterer next to me, she actually turns away herself and gets into her own comfortable position. Now she’s one year old and I get a decent sleep the majority of the time. But everyone has their own threshold for sleep deprivation so it’s not for me to say what’ll work I guess...

I'm so glad to hear it worked OP. Sometimes it's the only way I can get my little one down to sleep if shes teething, plus it's a good position to feed and it's nice to have a little snuggle in the bed. Good to hear you're sleeping better, well done!