Ok, so I don't know how to deal with this. Whilst searching for something on my DP's phone I came across 'Busty escorts' from a city around 40 miles away, then further escort sites both searched and accessed closer to home.
I took screenshots and confronted him. He denied at first (bloody typical) and said they had come from PopUps. BS I know. Eventually he admitted to having looked out of 'curiosity'. He tells me he has never paid for sex and had no intention of doing so . We have been together 2 1/2 years and he's amazing in every way so this has been an absolute blow to my confidence, trust, self-esteem etc. WTF??
He has apologised so many times since then and told me it meant nothing and he would never take it any further but I cannot let it drop. I don't say anything for weeks and then I look at the screenshots and torment myself and start questioning him again, thinking of a batch of new questions each time. I regularly search his internet use now and have found nothing suspicious since. We are together nearly all the time and there is nothing on his call logs to suggest he contacted any women from these sites. He has even offered for me to check his internet banking to see for any suspicious transactions or cash withdrawals (he does everything by card). I didn't take him up on this.
He is not experienced sexually and I am older than him, I'm very confident and told, attractive, and I'm wondering what could possibly have made him do these searches. Our sex life has always been good and just gets better, I regularly dress up sexily for him and he will do anything I want. Plus we are very loving and tender with each other, we treat each other with kindness and respect (or at least I thought so).
He says he made one 'mistake' and I need to stop going on about it. This happened ten months ago now. He's getting fed up with me bringing it up and I know I'm making him miserable.
I really think this could be the end of what I hoped was a lifetime relationship as I simply cannot get over it. No matter what I try to do to get over it I see it as a massive betrayal to me personally. Goodness knows how women who've been cheated on cope if this has turned me into a mistrusting wreck. He has now had enough and is making me feel like a crazy bitch. He refuses counselling but I feel I need it. Am I completely over reacting?
Am I being unreasonable to believe that men looking at these sites is wrong?