to be annoyed about not being invited on a Hen Do?

[gymandgin]

My boyfriend's best friend is getting married this year, to a girl I (thought) I'm friends with. The four of us have been away for weekends together so I was under the impression we are all friends. My boyfriend is best man. I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid, which I understood, but I recently found out through someone else that I haven't been invited on the Hen Do, which I was pretty upset about. To make it worse, my boyfriend's sister has been invited on the Hen.

I am unreasonable to be upset about this?

You have had a lucky escape. Hen dos are awful

I’d be pretty upset in your shoes, as it seems you were quite good friends. Although, do you know what the hen do involves? Is it abroad? An expensive spa weekend? Maybe it’s something she’s just planned with a few of her closest friends?

Are you actually friends the two of you? Or are you extended friends because the men are friends?

I'd be upset too but I'd also try to justify reasons in my head. There could be so many reasons that you aren't invited. Maybe it is a small hen do?
Maybe she is close to your boyfriend's sister? Have they known each other longer than you?

Thanks for your comments so far everyone.

@GoodnightJude1 the hen do is just 2 days & one night in a country house, not too far away. not sure how many people going but def more than just a few

@Theholidayarmadillo4 I'd say we are friends the two of us, we have done things just us two, not always as two couples.

@cyberlibre Yeah I get you, its not a small do though, and she is close ish to my boyfriends sister but I'd say no closer than me and her are. They've known each other a bit longer yes.

Ah that's crap then. I'm sorry you're disappointed.

I would be delighted not to be invited to any hen-do, ever.

Yeh that does seem a bit odd from the context you’ve given, I’m not surprised you’re upset

Id feel a bit snubbed, but overall happy I dont have to go to a hen do, or go to the trouble of making up an excuse. They're awful.

Yeah that is weird, hen does are pretty shit but I can see why you would feel snubbed

Were you actually expecting to be a bridesmaid? It sounds like you sort of were.

Personally I'd think "dodged a bullet". DH was best man. I knew the bride and she did ask me on the hen but I think she was relieved when I said no!

Is your boyfriends sister going?

If it's a holiday type cottage/house they're renting I wonder if the maximum capacity of the house means she's having to miss out people she'd normally invite. If there aren't enough bedrooms for everyone then maybe that's why and it's possible you're not the only one she's not invited?

In any case I'd be thankful for having dodged a bullet too and take a step back from the relationship. Don't make a big effort for the wedding and you won't get hurt. If she talks about it just change the subject and move on.

If you are good friend i would be too hurt that you weren't invited eosecially as you have been away for weekedns etc and are part of that group. I would be upset too in the same boat.However i wouldnt have expected you to be bridesmaid at all. Dont let it get too you though, be cool with her and dont make any effort with her in the future, Buy yourself a fab dress and have a great time at the wedding. Remember this when its your turn though and return the favour to her, ie do not invite her. I know people agree you had a lucky escape which i agree with to a certain extent but its the missing out of a good weekend and a bonding with the rest of the hen party you will miss. I have had some brilliant nights out at hens with girls i have never met before then had another great night atthe wedding wth them. Similar happned to me when my brother got married two years ago. His now wife lived across the raod from us and they have been together since she was 16 (Was nearly 30 when got married) so she grew up with us and was part of the family, but both me and my sis were not invited to the hen party. We were quiet annoyed and my sister said something to her, she sid she had no control over who was invited, which was BS, which was party with about 20 people invited. My sis had all her future sis in laws at her hen party and was invited to about 6 others in the same year, all with sis in laws invited. Getting married myself this year. She is not invited to my hen (My two sis in laws are) Also having an afternoon tea for my mother, Mother in law and older aunts who are not coming to the hen party and she is also not invited

Does she have friends you've never met/don't gel with?

You're friends through the men - it's a different kind of friendship than the people she went to university with, for example.

@gymandgin

It is never nice to feel left out especially when it concerns a friendship group of your other half. I was not in the exact same situation but my DHs best friends wife seemed to have an issue with me, my DH or us both.

Over the course of some years, they would snub invitations to things or the husband would come on his own. While the situations (yours and mines) are quite different, the advice I can give you is that it is best to not let these sort of things get to you. I always used to get upset and anxious about this women not approving of me (she snubbed an invite to my hen) but over time I just did not care anymore. She did not see me as a friend and while I never really cared to be hers, I will admit I liked the idea of double dating and couples weekends etc, which you have had.

In my experience, things can change over time and people see the error of their ways. Only recently this same couple changed their tune towards me and was suprised when I did not go to their babies christening.

I think you might be worried about being excluded from wedding related things and feeling like your BF and his friend, fiance, sister etc are all part of something your not.

The wedding is one day and the hen one weekend, try to get through it as best as you can and afterwards, your BF will be focused on you and only you. When you get engaged, just do not invite her to yours. It could be that she does not see your relationship as serious? When my DHs friend got married, I was not invited to the wedding and then a few years later when we got married, his friend said to him 'If we knew, Oceanblueeyes would be your wife, we definitely would have included her in our wedding'

I know it is so annoying but organise something great with your BF for the weekend of the hen or with your friends. Buy an amazing houseofcb dress or something as nice for the wedding and go look amazing.

After the wedding you then can decide if you want to continue these couples things. Personally for the sake of your BF, I would put up with drinks or dinner but draw the line at any weekends away again.

Ask her. She might think shes already asked you

How long have you known her?

How many close friends does she have?

What is the capacity of the accommodation?

She might have a lot of friends over her own outside of her fiancées friendship circle.