Sister .. Bully .. Would love opinions

[GoshAnon1234]

Trying to keep a long story short! I guess ultimately this is to do with sisters having a baby and the sudden change in dynamics.

Growing up my sister was always a bully. she has done/does many things that are just plain mean. Some context - my mum had always agreed she’s a bully and said she was very jealous of me.

Over the years examples include picking on my face/make up/ hair, generally but particularly on a night out when I’ve made so much effort and she does her very best to make me feel crap. Obviously leaves me feeling rubbish! Loudly embarrassing
me in a supermarket/similar questioning if I’d washed my hair as it was so greasy/teeth as my breath smelt (in both cases I had..) another example both being in a room and a stacked up Item falling from an entirely other side of the room and the immediate response being “Hayley!!!!!!!” (Name changed..) When it was obviously nothing I had knocked over( last time I can remember but happened so many times) also if for example a friend cancels a plan and I’m a bit upset .. I’m told it’s MY fault and for whatever reason I have done something wrong/am just generally wrong! She had one bad period (she’s very hard and I am very sensitive so this was unusual) in which a fiancé left her and my god did I go over and beyond to help her out financially and emotionally and practically and just as much as I could for example taking out a loan to buy the flash car she wanted as her credit rating was so bad! Did I ever get paid on time- no way!

I’ve had a bad few years - suicidal, very very down and sHe knows this. Never have I even had an are you okay text.

She has ‘moved on’ with what she wanted in life partner, house, job,
Pregnancy and I think views me as so far beneath her.

I have absolutely none of that happening in my life and I would Love just one.

So .. I find it so hard to be happy for someone who I have done SO much for and now has everything she wantS. Someone who has made me feel so bad and has treated me worse that anyone - she’s still horrible to me. I just can’t feel any happiness or excitement for that pregnancy/baby. To be quite honest I don’t want her on my life as she impacts negatively.

My mum now has our her on a pedestal and I feel totally worthless as I don’t have any of the things she has.

I really don’t want to attend a baby shower, buy presents, go for visits when I don’t feel a thing at all.

Am I totally wrong? You can’t choose your family, that’s what I feel. And I would NEVER be friends with her after what she has put me through.

I just can’t pretend.

OP, you poor thing.
I can't imagine being around someone like that constantly; my brother and I aren't close but at least he isn't an arsehole like that! Your sister does not deserve your time, family or not.
For your mental health, keep your distance. At least for a while.

@GoshAnon1234

People who bully others and purposely humiliate them are often very insecure about themselves.

It's okay to distance yourself from your sister if her behaviour is affecting your mental health but remember her baby is niece or nephew;you can rise above her childish selfish behaviour and be the best aunt you can be if you choose too.

From your mums point of view she may feel like piggy in the middle between you both.I don't think she prefers one of you to the other but it can potentially feel that way due to the ambiguity between you.

Let your sister have her time to shine in her pregnancy and let your mum revel in it.Remember their both excited;your sister will be a mum and your mum a grandma.

Perhaps use this as an opportunity to build a better relationship with your sister?

Tbh, just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to be in contact. Why are you still in touch? Just drop contact and maybe only see her if you’re both at your mum’s. I just cannot be arsed with my sibling: I see them if we’re both at mum’s, otherwise I’m very low contact.

Go no contact if you need to. Sounds like her behaviour only makes you feel awful so you'd be doing what was best for you.

@popsydoodle4444 like she hasn't already tried to build a relationship with her when her sister's fiance left her? You said it yourself, she's childish and selfish and may take every opportunity to belittle OP infront of this child.

I'd keep my distance, OP.

Thanks so much - I don’t feel so alone now!
MTGgAmer - sucks having a rubbish sibling doesn’t it 😔 were not constant but as I live At home and my mum is still very involved with my sister it feels like we are! Gosh I wish I could move somewhere else!

PopsyDoodle your advice is great! Thank you - i agree with all your points but unfortunately I’m not dealing with an easy person. My sister will only take delight in highlighting the fact I am so far behind her, have a rubbish life etc. I know my mum is excited and I won’t take that away for her. Tried to have a relationship with my sister to no avail many times unfortunately.

CherrySoup - i still live with my mum at home as it were so unfortunately I can’t get away totally 😔😔🙄🙄 but yes this would be ideal! Xx
HSldl- thank you! I want so much to limit my contact. I have kind of, but to go no contact would be great! I know I’d be judged though.. x

Similar to me. I am the scapegoat in my family. It may be the same for u ??

YANBU

She sounds a lot like my awful sister.
Could it be that she’s secretly envious of you and that’s why she behaves like this? Surely it’s absolutely not a valuable excuse for this behavior.

I would surely take distance from her and possibly go NC. I never want to talk to my sister again after she flat out ignored the birth of my DS and hasn’t even send so much as an ‘congratulations’ text to this day. In the beginning it made me sad but now I feel relieved that I no longer have to pretend ‘because we’re family’. Fuck that. Being family doesn’t give anyone the right to treat you like shit and if they do, you have every right to defend yourself (by keeping distance/NC) even if it hurts your mum’s feelings. If she has a problem with that she can talk about it to your sister.

Best of luck

My mum always said she was so envious of me (don’t know why) but yes I do think she was jealous.

Right! We ‘are family’ HoneyBee 🙈and yes at first it’s sad but I really don’t miss her! She only added negativity to my life..

Thanks for everyone’s lovely messages!xx

And Square .. I think maybe! Not a nice feeling but speaking for myself, it’s so often a reflection of a few people, a ‘group’ in your family xx