To ask your thoughts on residentials

[beckywiththeshithair20]

My ds will be going on his first school residential trip in June - by which time he'll have just turned 8. It's for two nights, an adventure type 'retreat' and it's in a town about a half hour drive away. I'm used to him being away as he spends EOW with his dad but for some reason I feel a bit uneasy about this trip. He says he wants to go but I feel like as it gets closer he might become a bit more nervous.

What are your thoughts on residential trips? Do your kids enjoy them? And what do you think is the right age for them to go? Will there be any way he can contact me as he doesn't have a phone and I don't think they're allowed to take them anyway.

I still do baby him a bit I'll admit. So just worried how he'll cope alone.

Mine went in year 2 and year 3! He loved it. Of course all the kids were a bit nervous but they all had such a great time and were really well looked after. We also got texts and pictures which helped.

He won’t be alone. He’ll be with his friends and I imagine will get a say in who he shares with. Don’t put your nerves and worries on to him as that’s unfair.

One tip, label everything.

DD had a school sleepover in Y4, a 3 night residential in Y5 and a week in Y6. She also went on a week residential holiday alone when she was just 10.

She loved it. The teacher use the same provider and venue since years so they know all of it, have strict rules in place and they have a virtually 100% attendance, give or take 2-3 children per year who don't go.

She also did a Brownie sleepover at a London museum with hundreds of other Brownies attending.

They will have a great time, we wrap them far too much in cotton wool.

Our primary did them in Year 2, 4 and 6. Year 2 was only for one night but the kids loved them all and weren't at all fazed about about being away from home even though they hadn't done sleepovers with friends by Year 2.

Mine did it. There was generally something every year from about 8 plus he had a few days away with cubs. Some he liked, some he was less keen on (the cubs). There was one when he was a bit older, sort of outdoor pursuits thing, which he really did not want to go on. I tried to get him out of it but the school were insistent and in the end, he agreed. It ended up not being too bad.

Most of the trips were places we could drive to in an emergency but the outdoor pursuits was miles away in mountains.

Going to France at 11 was great fun, he loved that. They got up to all sorts.

I was never allowed to do anything like that :-) (made up for it later).

Our school does one night in y2 and 4 nights in y6. Other schools locally start at y1 with one night away. The kids are so busy - and so tired by bedtime that they don't usually notice feeling homesick.
My own kids did their first nights away with scouting /guides both at 5 years. First time either had ever spent a night away from home. Ds found it hard; he'd only been in beavers 3 weeks and didn't know many people but really enjoyed all of the activities. Its usually a fabulous opportunity to do something a bit different.

Our school starts residentials in y1. DS6 has had one night away with school, and two 2 nights away with beavers. He has another beaver camp coming up in a couple of weeks, and this summer he'll have two nights away with school.

He absolutely LOVES them.

Our local school don't just stay local with their year 4 residential - they stay on the school field. It seems an ideal first residential - a company brings tents and helps pitch them, and they do activities on the field. They're on familiar territory, so if they need the toilet in the night it's less scary. I think they have a member of staff awake on duty all night. And of course, it's so near that if they really don't cope, going home is no problem, and any that can't do an overnight can join in for everything else.

DDs school did 1 night away in Y4, a weekend (so 2 nights) in Y5, then in Y6 they were away Monday to Friday. She loved every one and still remembers the Y6 trip with great fondness.

She had actually been away for 2 nights with Brownies when she was 7 so I wasn't that worried about her coping.

My 8 year old did one last year and it was fabulous for her. She is generally quite quiet and had barely had a sleepover. She absolutely loved it and it was a big leap forward for her confidence. She can’t wait to go again this year

Beavers and brownies do 2-3 night camps from just turned 7, they’re not compulsory, but the kids get a lot out of them

Mine have gone away from age 6 in Beavers for one or two nights.

The hardest one was when I was on site on a big camp with my Brownies and DS1 (8) was there with his new Cub pack. His ASD hadn't been identified at that point, and he took "you must not go on other pitches" very literally and was quite torn as I was there but was not there, and felt that the Cub leaders' rules overrode me saying that he could come to my pitch if needed. I did find him in a bit of a state at one point and ended up taking him off to be reconditioned If I hadn't been there and hadn't seen him, he'd probably have drifted off to the leaders, but having encountered him in that state, it would have been very unfair on him to ignore it.
It was easier for us both on the next camp with him off, his best friend newly joined and DS2 there and me at home. Now we know about the ASD and that makes it easier to prepare and adjust for him.

As a parent and as a leader, it is better not being in direct contact with the child. Homesick children are reassured, but it is normally tiredness talking, usually on the first night (or near the end) and a good night's sleep and company of friends makes a massive difference. It is such a valuable experience and very bonding too. Very rare is the child who went away, felt homesick and never went away again.

8 is fine. He'll have a great time, just please don't let him see you are anxious about it or he is likely to get anxious.

I regularly take Rainbows off on sleepovers from 5 years old, Brownies for longer trips from 7. Between Guiding, school and youth work I have done approximately 70 nights away now, in that time I have never had a child ask to call home, I've had a few tears at bedtime but never more than a minute or two. I've never had anything more than the usual bumps and grazes to deal with.

Honestly you are worrying too much, a lot of my Rainbows particularly have never been away from home before, some have only just started school, the parents are always more anxious than the children are. The advice I always give the parents is to send the child off with a smile and brief bye, if you start fussing you will make them anxious.

We take our Beavers (age 6-8) on one night camps quite regularly, and from 8 at Cubs they'll do 2 nights. By 10 they can do a full 7 days on Scout camp. Most of them cope really well with being away from home and really enjoy it. If we do get an upset child (honestly hasn't happened in the last 3-4 I've done), we will comfort them, often their slightly older friends are the best at this as they've been through it.
I went on my first week away aged 10, my dsis from aged 9 (music residential). My dsis cried down the pay phone every afternoon, but she was insistant on doing it again the following year, and seemed a lot happier. I think it was worse for my dm than for her, and she was a very sensitive, routine oriented child!

I went on my first brownie camp (2 nights) when I was 8. School didn't run trips until Y6, which would have been 10/11 - mostly 11 as the trip ran each July.

My mum didn't want me to go on this brownie camp. I remember it clearly! But I finally talked her (read: wouldn't shut up about it) round, and she let me go.

I had the absolute best time.

Don't let him pick up on your nerves, let him go, be enthusiastic about it.

As you say, it's only half an hour away, so if it comes to it, you can go and bring him home - but I'm fairly sure he will love every second, and no offence, but he probably won't even think of you once.. and that's a good thing in this situation! :)