A wedding etiquette one, help make sure I don’t end up BU!

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Hello oracles of Mumsnet.

One of my lovely school friends, is getting married in the summer, and all our girly school friends are invited, and it sounds lovely.
However.
I’m due two weeks before her, although according to the midwife and consultant it looks like I will actually be offered an induction or section due to health reasons between 36 & 38 weeks, leaving a month to six weeks before the wedding.

This leaves me with a conundrum
Do I...

Explain I am pregnant and bow out straight away?
Explain I’m pregnant and ask if she’d mind/ if easier for numbers to just pop along for the evening if she doesn’t mind me bringing bubs if all has gone to plan.
Explain I might not be a reliable guest, that I’m likely to bring a newborn if I do come, and that whilst I would love to be a part of her day, but that I know the invite didn’t initially extend to me with child and it’s totally up to her if I come or not, and that I love her and will see her for coffee and cake soon!

Thanks for your help
Definitely don’t want to sound entitled or to ruin her special day, she is honestly lovely and I have known her since we were six, we did infants, juniors, high school and college together and have never lived more than 2 miles apart, so it would be great to see her on her special day. But obviously I don’t want to intrude etc

thanks in advance

I was invited to a wedding when I was 38 weeks and 5 days. I just told my friend and told her I'd come if I hadn't had the baby. The baby came at 38 weeks and 6 days 😃

Third option.
My sister gave birth two weeks before our wedding and was able to come bringing the LO with her. Mind you it wasn't a terribly formal do so we were happy to accommodate in any way. I would much rather have my sister there with her baby than not there at all.

The third option is best and you are very kind and considerate thinking about this!

I don't think many people would object to a newborn at a wedding, they obviously don't eat a meal they don't make a huge amount of noise and don't run around.

That said definitely do option 3 so she can decide.

I gave birth about 3 weeks before a wedding, I phoned them up and asked if they would mind if I could bring the baby, said its not a problem if not.

Got some lovely photos of the baby with the bride, next wedding we went to DS was around 18 months again a child free wedding, this time didn't bother asking ,just got my dad to babysit. Massive difference between a new born and a toddler so I would just ask

Definitely the 3rd option.

My wedding was the actual due date of one of our guests, she and her DH drove 3 hours to get there, were late because they had to stop on the way, missed the service, got on one photo, then had to go home because she was having twinges! I didn’t mind one bit and treasured the photo she was on, she had made the effort to share our special day with us and that meant the world. Who cares that we’d paid for places for them and they weren’t there!

Congratulations by the way 😊

I think just be honest, most people will understand. One of my bridesmaids ended up pregnant and due a month before my wedding, which was about a four hour drive from where she lived. We just did the whole "if you can make it then awesome, if not then it's ok" and ultimately she had to pull out because she went a few weeks over her due date.

I was sad that she couldn't come but overall it was fine and didn't affect our friendship in any way. Another friend who was a guest pulled out for similar reasons and again, no damage to the friendship. And some of our friends brought babies/toddlers and that was equally fine.

I think most people do understand that life happens and that friendships are overall more important than one big perfect day.

We took our twins (few weeks old, not sure exactly) to a friends wedding - why wouldn't you? Obviously they didn't need a meal so just sat in the buggy while we ate - and/or were passed around loads of strangers all wanting a cuddle! No trouble at all!

The only downside was that one started grizzling during the ceremony so I took him out. But no big deal.

At that age they're very portable and mostly sleep. We bottle fed so even easier - but assuming you'll only have one I'm sure you'll be fine. But our friends knew we were likely to be in that situation - speak to your friend and ask her how she'd like you to play it? The only real issue is if she pays for your meal and you then can't make it (for any number of possible reasons which might arise straight after giving birth.....) - but that's a risk with anyone, really.

I'm sure she would like to have to have you there if at all possible.

None of those options. Venue is close to you so, I suggest you pop along to the church/ venue to see her married. Bow out of reception and then pop along in evening to wish her well if you can manage it. Leave baby at home both times. Not everyone wants a baby at a wedding/ newborn stealing their limelight.

I enjoyed this thread because it is so full of kindness. Very best wishes to you and your baby, and to the bride and groom.

I agree with Katzia.

My SIL took DN as a new babe in arms to her friends wedding reception and the bride was really fucked off with her as it "stole her thunder and totally upstaged her."

Leave the baby at home. Everyone will say "Oh you should have brought them" but they will be secretly glad you didn't

It’s a difficult one. I was invited to a friends wedding 3 hours away 4 weeks after due date, so baby could be 2 weeks old or could be older. No accommodation on site and coach pick ups from hotels in the morning and drop on at the end so a long day. In the end, as I knew numbers were limited, I felt I couldn’t just ask the couple if I could be flakey and risk them losing two places (as would need to take DP to drive). So I just said I was gutted (I am!) but it’s probably unlikely I can come so I’ll bow out. If it had been local would be much more comfortable with the idea that I would make it though. Especially an evening do- they won’t lose money if you can’t come to that!

I vote option 3, you're very considerate

15 minutes away makes it very easy, you can just see how it goes on the day.

I left ds to go to a local work Christmas lunch when he was 3 weeks old so you could leave baby to go to ceremony and then maybe go back in the evening with or without baby.

Not sure how taking a newborn steals the limelight of the bride. I am always quite shocked on these wedding threads how oversensitive people are.