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Go ask how you fixed your marriage after betrayal?

8 replies

Hurttomybones · 09/02/2020 15:34

Married 4 years. No affairs emotional or physical but lots of lies about money and gambling etc. The spouse in question has accepted they need help and has actively sought the help they need. They have left the marital home for a while

The spouse that remains in the home is hurt beyond words and needs space and time to come to terms with things. Both parties want to come to a reconciliation but how?

So, if you've been there. How did you work through it? Either as the betrayed partner or the one who did the betraying.. how did you forgive yourself and them?

OP posts:
Whatsername177 · 09/02/2020 15:35

Relate.

Hurttomybones · 09/02/2020 15:37

*To for fucks sake!!

OP posts:
Firstimemam · 09/02/2020 15:49

We are not yet married but been going out for 8 years. After about 2 years, all the lies about money and gambling came out. First and only time I ever saw him cry. He hated himself for it, and I know that now.

We talked about it and there was a lot of anger on my side. Is that the only thing he lied about? If so, then he has basically hidden his addiction and the debt because he is probably ashamed and never meant to hurt you but of course, he did. It's so hard.

We went to gamblers anonymous and I went with him and one thing I learnt is not not make him feel bad about the past, that is what they tell you at the support groups for family members.

You have to learn to accept what's happened and not look back and by doing so, you are his support system. My fiancé got badges for a week, a month, 2 months, 1 year gamble free etc and continues.

There is a register which will put him on some sort of list that will stop him from all sort of online gambling (that where my fiancé gambled, only online),

6 years later, he hasn't gambled once since it's happened, he's brilliant with money and I cannot see it ever happening again, with all addictions, it could always relapse, so I keep an eye on our finances but I couldn't even remember it was ever a thing when I read your post.

I hope you're ok. X

Firstimemam · 09/02/2020 15:54

An addition, it will take time to heal. It does not happen overnight but if you are willing to work through this together and he is truly sorry and truly wants to change and make things right, I do believe he deserves a second chance because after all, this is an addiction, similar to a drug addiction, nobody wants to be addicted to something. Through the good and bad I would say but you will have to make peace with that's happened and forgive, for your and his sake x

Hurttomybones · 09/02/2020 15:56

I do want to move forward, I really really do. I can't see my life without him in it, but fuck me it's hard

OP posts:
Firstimemam · 09/02/2020 18:06

100% - there is no easy way & the debt will not disappear overnight either but you can get through this. I knew I wanted him forever and he's my forever now x

Hurttomybones · 09/02/2020 18:25

Thank you :)

OP posts:
Hurttomybones · 09/02/2020 18:48

Bump

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