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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's stupid for parents to supply alcohol for 16yo birthday parties

59 replies

StorminNormin · 09/02/2020 08:20

DD is in y11, preparing for her GCSEs. Her small circle of friends are gradually turning 16, and birthday party invitations are now coming with messages from parents ... they will be supplying alcohol and do we want them to make sure our DCs are excluded don't have any?

Last time I checked, the law said it was ok for parents to supply alcohol with a meal ... but I assumed it meant to their own kids, not others. I started drinking at 16 but it wasn't supplied by parents ... we were getting away with looking 18 in pubs or inviting older boys to parties, who arrived with illicit bottles of cider.

These are fit, healthy, bright kids who don't need alcohol to have a good time and wouldn't miss it if it wasn't there. The last thing they need in the run up to their exams is a weekend hangover. So why are parents encouraging them to think you can't have a "grown up" party without it?

OP posts:

Appletreehouse · 09/02/2020 10:34

I think it's pretty responsible of the parents to ask to be honest! At 16/17 most young people will be trying alcohol, it's not excluding your child by offering it is it, she's still invited?

NC4Now · 09/02/2020 10:35

The parties DS went to at 16, I sent him with three beers. When he had a party they all turned up with their own booze - those whose parents supplied it had a couple of beers, ciders or alcopops/cans of cocktail.
Those who sourced it themselves brought vodka.
I know which I’d prefer...

AnnaFiveTowns · 09/02/2020 10:42

@NeverTwerkNaked - you are spot on with your comment. This current obsession with GCSE grades is far more damaging in the long term for children's mental health than having a few alcoholic drinks at a party.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 09/02/2020 10:42

Ds is now 17. I panicked when I found out booze was at his 16th and told them all that it was a no booze party and they were to put it in a place and could take home after. This was a few weeks before xmas. All were ok with that. By new year after discussions with other parents my decision was I buy it for him (that's up to us) but I will not buy it for others. TBF he seems to be able to control himself and know his limits. unlike his ridiculously over the top piss head mother at his age. If he's drinking I want to know. Don't want him hiding it.

richele4 · 09/02/2020 10:42

Those whose parents supplied it had a couple of beers, ciders or alcopops/cans of cocktail.
*Those who sourced it themselves brought vodka.
I know which I'd prefer... *

^this

Would you rather your DD hangs around with older boys and lies to you like you did? That's hardly safe. At least you know she's drinking more responsibly

Original poster

StorminNormin · 09/02/2020 10:56

Grinning at all these "Would you rather ... " questions. Reminds me of my youngest who is always asking me things like "Mum, would you rather have your face bitten off by a dog or your legs chopped off by a train" ... to which the answer is invariably "neither".

Acvording to Drink Aware there is absolutely no evidence that giving kids alcohol under supervision makes them less likely to indulge later, despite all the anecdotals.

OP posts:

Weebitawks · 09/02/2020 10:59

I think the parents were being responsible texting to see how other parents felt about it.

They sound more responsible than your parents who didn't know you were sneaking out to pubs or getting booze from older boys tbh.

PassAnotherGlass · 09/02/2020 10:59

I think it’s fine personally. I didn’t let DD have a house party or alcohol for her 15th because I didn’t want my 12 year old drinking. Her friend is having alcohol at her party and I’m fine with that.

hopeishere · 09/02/2020 11:00

You were an underage drinker. Have you had issues with alcohol in later life?

Aragog · 09/02/2020 11:05

It never bothered me, as it was in a safe environment and pretty well controlled. DD has friends her age who don't drink at all through choice and one due to medication, they aren't excluded or miss out at the parties. They still go and still have a good time. We did allow dd and her friends to have some fizz/fruit cider on her 16th birthday, with her friends' parents permission.

They are all turning 18y this year and for the past year all parties have included taking a bottle with them. Parent permission is long gone now. DD normally takes a bottle of fizz or similar from the fridge. At least she's mainly drinking something half decent then rather than the cheap spirits lots of teens start with!

Biker47 · 09/02/2020 11:08

My dad used to get me a few cans every few weeks and we'd drink them at each of our mates houses in turn when I was in the last year of school.

Aragog · 09/02/2020 11:10

I always include low or no alcohol beer and cider in the mix when dd is having friends here for a meal or party. A few choose to move over to that after normal alcohol strength drinks.

My experience is that though most of the teens at 16-18 are still having alcoholic drinks at parties and nights out, they seem to drink less on the whole as when I was that age. It can also be trickier to get into bars at 15/16 than it used to be - its only now dd and her friends are 17, turning 18, they are going out into bars, and none of the under 18s are heading into clubs yet. They seem a lot more sensible and clued up than 30 years back ime.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 09/02/2020 11:16

I started drinking at 16 but it wasn't supplied by parents

So did I, but it was in a park or a nightclub that i'd gotten into illegally. I got shitfaced every time and it wasnt safe.

These are fit, healthy, bright kids who don't need alcohol to have a good time and wouldn't miss it if it wasn't there

Lets be honest, they're probably doing it anyway. Its better do it supervised imo.

StandingOvulation · 09/02/2020 11:33

@StorminNorman

Doesn't the "drinking with a meal" only apply to licensed premises?

As far as I'm aware it's just illegal to give alcohol to under fives.

Porcupineinwaiting · 09/02/2020 11:35

I think that, from 16 onwards, there will probably be alcohol available at all social gatherings, meals out, parties etc. I'm 48 and that pretty much the case for me. The thing is, you dont have to drink a) at all b) to excess and 16 is a pretty good age to start figuring out how to handle that. My nephew is 17 and very sporty. Lot of "beer culture" associated with team nights out. He's learnt how to take a can and make it last all night whilst still having a good time.

user1493413286 · 09/02/2020 11:38

I think the theory is that if you supply it then they’re less likely to bring it themselves; so supplying 2 beers or ciders per teenager is better than them sneaking in vodka that they all swig from. That’s a direct example and the party where the parents provided it was a lot less messy and problematic

Doyoumind · 09/02/2020 11:38

I'm in my 40s but went to parties where drink was supplied at 16. I also went to pubs then. No issues with alcohol now.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/02/2020 11:49

A couple of beers or alchopops wouldnt bother me but spirits no

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/02/2020 12:41

After GCSEs there’s usually the ‘after party’ following the prom and that’s very boozy. Best to let them find their ‘limit’ before that.

Gogolego · 09/02/2020 13:17

I’d rather they experimented with booze at 16/17 if they wanted to than suddenly hitting uni at 18 and going mad. *

100% this

And in an environment where parents can keep an eye on things as opposed to in a park/ field. Where no one knows where they're are and what's happening

TabbyMumz · 09/02/2020 15:24

You are lucky the parents are telling you. Most just invite the kids then you find out afterwards there was alcohol provided.

BlueMoonRising · 09/02/2020 15:28

The law about 16 with a meal is at a restaurant.

At home, its legal to give children alcohol from age 5.

Which is clearly ridiculous.

I'm not sure what age another adult other than a parent can supply it, however.

Greedycushionhoarder2 · 09/02/2020 15:29

We allowed alcohol at my daughter's 16th, we were in charge of serving and each person had their hand stamped and they were allowed 2 drinks each, we had checked with parents first and it worked really well.

Crockof · 09/02/2020 15:39

I'd imagine its hard to work out correlation and causation when looking at adults who drank as children who now have problems with alcohol.
I think it's better DC to go to a party where the parents are aware of what's likely to happen than a party where the parents don't forsee reality.

mcmen05 · 09/02/2020 15:58

I don't drink so have no clue as to most suitable drink names to allow my 16 year old. I have been buying her a bottle of wine when she is going to a party. No over drinking yet.
She was at a party Friday night and she shared it with her bf but he has diabetes 1 and I haven't a clue if it was safe for him but told her I didn't want to be getting in bother with his parents he needs to get his own if he is allow cause he not 16 yet to April.

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