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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've never been to the dentist and desperately need to

67 replies

PlaymobilPirate · 08/02/2020 21:34

My teeth are a mess and I'm so ashamed.

My parents never took me and I just never went as an adult.
I have plaque all down the sides, I'm missing a whole tooth on each side at the back of my bottom set
My mouth has been sore and I finally looked tonight and one of my bottom teeth near the front is obviously infected and has a horrible yellow / grey area round it at the gum

I sucked my thumb right into adulthood so my palate is a really odd misshapen mess too.

I take ds religiously and he has an appointment on monday morning. I desperately want to ask if I can register but I'm so embarrassed. I'm 41. How can I get past this?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 08/02/2020 21:40

Just do it. You don't need to tell the receptionist you've never been to the dentist. They get new patients all the time. When you see the actual dentist, they'll see what needs doing, probably take an X-ray and then discuss the plan going forward.

I am a rare visitor to the dentist and my teeth are truly terrible - worse than yours. I've never had a dentist tell me off for it - they know a lot of people are genuinely terrified of going, so they don't want to put you off going back. They're always just glad that you've finally gone.

TheyDoDoThat · 08/02/2020 21:45

I was so scared of the dentist I had two rotten teeth in the back that had abscesses. I went because I read the dangers of heart damage. I was embarrassed and cried a little in the dentists chair. However they were great. Got the bad teeth removed and a good plaque clean. This was about 5 years ago and every 6 month check since I’m in and out.

There is no magic solution to this just reassurance you won’t be judged they will just want to help you.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 08/02/2020 21:49

I just want to cry at the thought of how bad they are. I feel like they'll be calling me dirty. I do brush, I don't know why they're so bad.

OP posts:
Roussette · 08/02/2020 21:50

Please go.

I've got pretty awful teeth even though I've gone regularly all my life. Look at reviews, find a dentist who gets good reviews for someone who is dentist-phobe. Bad teeth starts to actually effect your health the older you get, so please pluck up the courage and go. A good dentist actually will want to help you get on track

I could recommend a really good practice depending on where you are.

Roussette · 08/02/2020 21:50

Playmobil mine are awful and I've gone all my life! They won't judge you, they will want to help you.

user764329056 · 08/02/2020 21:52

They won’t make you feel bad, they will be pleased to help, please be brave and take that step, you will feel so much better and if you can afford to buy an electric toothbrush that will help massively, good luck

teagivesmejoy · 08/02/2020 21:52

Please, go. As a Dental Professional I promise you we won't think you're dirty. Won't think anything, just get your mouth healthy for you.
It's our job, honestly there is no judging on our part. We see this often and all I can say is let us help you.

Reallynowdear · 08/02/2020 21:55

Please just do it OP.

Dental professionals want to help, that's why they do what they do.

Good luck.

FlowerArranger · 08/02/2020 21:56

Unfortunately brushing, even if done regularly and well, is not enough. You need to see a hygienist twice a year.

As a PP suggested, find a dentist who is sympathetic, or just talk to your son's dentist. Remember, for them it is just a job, and they see dentist-phobic patients and bad teeth all the time.

Cherry111 · 08/02/2020 22:04

I was terrified of the dentist too until I got to the point I had 2 abscess and was trying to buy antibiotics online. It's such a scary feeling but if you can just make that phone call or even pop in and speak to the receptionist and book an appointment. I had to sit outside on a bench for ages before I went in. I knew I had to though for health reasons. You will be ok. Many people are scared and leave things a long time so they know that and will understand. Plus you can tell them how nervous you are. They are there to help you. I ended up with 2 teeth out but I'm no longer scared as they were so nice and understanding. You just need to find the strength, it will be ok!

Drum2018 · 08/02/2020 22:07

No doubt they'll have seen it all before and these days there is so much that can be done to fix up your teeth. You need to just go as gum disease can be quite dangerous.

Jumpjumpjumper · 08/02/2020 22:11

Hygienist here, we HONESTLY don't judge! In many, many years qualified, I never have!
Usually we love the challenge and if someone is motivated, it's brilliant to compare the before and afters!

Go for it, I'm excited for you!

GeePipe · 08/02/2020 22:12

Bless you op. My dp is in the same position. Hes never been the dentist as his dm never made him go and as a result he totally needs several fillings at the very least and has had an abcess he drained himself. Difference is you want to change and dp doesnt as much as i want to convince him to. Can you make an appointment and tell them you are very scared and ask to sit in the chair and talk about it before letting them look in your mouth? Also they wont do any treatment there and then if that helps you?

peanutbutterandbanana · 08/02/2020 22:24

OP - my DD is a dental student at a UK university. There are 17 dental schools around the country and they all need people to do dental work on! The advantage is that the treatment is free, you can self refer (although there may be some waiting time) and they really do get all sorts of problems in the clinics. So many people are like you and you will find that the dental students are lovely people (they are heavily screened to be lovely people before they get offered a place) and will not judge you. They will see you as a really interesting project where they can impress their supervisors with what they have achieved. My DD has a pic in her coursework of a before and after mouth of a guy who had lost most of his teeth and the rest were in a terrible state. She is so pleased to have helped get rid of his decay and get him some dentures. His new mouth looked amazing. The pics only showed his open mouth (in fact I thought it was a woman before she told me it was a man) so privacy is respected but as a guinea pig for the students you sign up to having photos of your 'problem' being shared. I bet that guy started off being embarrassed and ashamed, but he will now be walking around with a great set of gnashers and his dentist (my DD) is also incredibly proud and happy with what she has achieved. Win Win.

Pinkette06 · 08/02/2020 22:26

I went to the dentist this week after years of not going. I was utterly terrified and wanted to cancel, but made myself go. I was shaking, felt ill, nearly ran out, but I didn't and I'm so glad. When I booked the app I even felt sick with nerves, I asked them to put me with a dentist that was good with someone anxious and scared. And they did. They were wonderful, and always asking me if I was okay. I'm already booked in again, but the relief I feel at finally having been is amazing. Do it op, you won't regret it. Flowers

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 08/02/2020 22:33

I promise, a dentist will think nothing of teeth in a bad shape. It's what they do. People with good teeth don't need the dentist! Wink

Isleepinahedgefund · 08/02/2020 22:34

I have a friend who was the same, had never been to the dentist before he had a child and started taking her - didn't want to have to explain why daddy doesn't have to see the dentist but she does.

He had to have a lot of treatment to get back on track but it's been worth it for him.

Bite the bullet and make an appointment ASAP - an infected tooth can have devastating consequences if left. You certainly don't want an infected jawbone.

Can you take a friend?

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/02/2020 22:41

My teeth are ok but I largely avoided the dentist for years. My parents never took me so I was terrified. I saw a dentist once at Uni because I had an infection around my wisdom tooth but that was it (luckily, no actual work was needed on the teeth).

After my son was born and got his first tooth, I registered us both at the same practice and started going every six months. I told the dentist I was nervous and they were really great. Now, I don't mind it so much.

I think going with my son helped - I was determined he would not end up as terrified as I was. Thankfully, at six, he doesn't mind going.

Babdoc · 08/02/2020 22:43

OP, I used to run a sedation service for dental phobics in my hospital. We regularly had patients who hadn’t been near a dentist in 40 years, where every tooth needed extraction or fillings, they had gum disease and halitosis that could kill at fifty paces. None of them got judged. Sometimes it took us half an hour to coax them into the treatment room, but we did whatever was needed to win their trust and help them get the treatment they needed. We dished out lots of praise and encouragement, and it was very rewarding when they finished their final treatment session and could smile for the first time in decades without trying to hide their teeth.
Go along and register, and don’t worry. Just tell them you’re phobic and need support, and they’ll do the needful. Good luck!

Kwkwjwkek · 08/02/2020 22:45

You need to go. You won’t want it to get worse. Toothache can be one of the worst pains

delilahbucket · 08/02/2020 23:15

Another one here saying you need to go. My sister didn't go, got an abscess, still didn't go, got sepsis, nearly died. It's really important not to ignore the problems you have listed. Just like going to the doctor's if you are ill.

Gingerkittykat · 09/02/2020 01:57

Please make an appointment ASAP to at least get antibiotics before the infection gets worse. Tell the dentist you have never been before and ask them to talk you through everything.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 10/02/2020 09:40

I've dont it. I nearly bottled it but asked to register when I took my son this morning (I take him religiously and his teeth are perfect)

Theyve booked me in for 11.15 TODAY. I've already had a little cry and I genuinely dont know how I'm going to find the courage to open my mouth. I'm beyond ashamed.

OP posts:
PineappleDanish · 10/02/2020 09:45

this isn't your fault OP. It's the fault your neglectful parents who didn't bother to take you to the dentist - that's appalling.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 10/02/2020 09:48

In their defence they were both terrified of the dentist. Mum has no teeth at all now.

I've had lots of chances to go as an adult- I've no idea why I haven't 🙁

OP posts: