To just call it a day with friends who get me down?

[Aquarius1619]

Just that really.
I have a couple of friends who are really starting to get me down at the moment.
They’re just so judgemental and I feel like I can’t talk to them about anything anymore and I find myself completely avoiding telling them about certain things going on in my life because of this.
I don’t know why they are this way towards me, whenever they have had a problem etc I have always been there and been a listening ear and would never ever cast judgement on either of them.
They have been this way for years but I’ve noticed it most now I’m a mum.
One of the said friends is also a mum and our parenting approaches are very different, and I am ok with this, parenting is so personal and what works for someone may not work for the next person. But whenever I say I’ve had a bad nights sleep or DD is being a bit clingy or I just need a general rant I’m faced with comments about how I’ve created a needy baby through my choices and there doesn’t seem to be any support (there are plenty of examples but I’m not going to list all of them) I To top it off, I am a single mum and have struggled so badly with my mental health and they both know this. Not once have I been asked if I need to talk or how I’m feeling, which makes me feel so alone. I just am at a point where I don’t think either of them are good for me emotionally and I think we are just too different.
AIBU to think think they’re not good friends and just not bother as much?

You're outgrowing them, don't cut them off, just find more friends and fill your time with new friends. Your old friends might become more important in a later chapter of your life but they aren't helping you right now so trust your instinct and spend time with others.

If they are getting you down then they might not necessarily bad ppl all round but just not good for you.

I would give them I very wide berth too.

Thanks for the replies.
I don’t want to fall out or make a big thing of it so I suppose just accepting the current situation and focusing on the people who do help is best.
I just feel less lonely when I’m alone than I do I think their company and I just know that’s not a good way to feel

Than I do in their company*
Can’t type properly this morning

I did this. I just realised that before I was going to meet a particular friend that I would feel anxious and not comfortable and that I was about to be judged, and I realised that that isnt friendship. I just let her slip away and I feel so much the better for it. I didnt make some grand proclamation and we are still in the same friend group, but I invest nothing in the friendship and am polite but distant when we meet. Life is way way too short for that kind of shit. Good luck x

I agree with allowing a bit of distance to develop. I’d also suggest trying to convey to them that you find them judgemental at times, and that this is draining/unhelpful, but appreciate this is easier said than done.

This is me at the moment. We have friends who I’ve known over a decade but since we all became parents something happened really changed. I feel really judged , there have been comments which I brushed off as me being sleep deprived or both of us. My husband and I are skint but she seems to delight in telling us how her parents provide free childcare so they can keep all their earnings whilst we sacrifice a salary. I actually don’t know why this is bought up so much. I struggle with missing my friend so much, when we arrange to meet I get so excited but then I’m always upset after. We move in the same friendship circles so cutting out isn’t an option but when I ask to meet up it’s always met with tumbleweed.
But hopefully in time things will change and we will be friends again, I keep thinking, young kids are so full on that it doesn’t help.

Can you not call them up in their comments when they make them? "Why so critical? Each baby is an individual and I don't criticise your parenting"

But really don't invite them around as much and find different more supportive friends to spend time with. My BFF and I have very different parenting styles as our DCs are so different. Neither of our strategies would have worked with using on our vastly different personality DCs & we both know that. Besides you are who you are, and your parenting style will come from who you & they are.

Each child presents their own challenge at different ages. There isn't a right way to do anything you just muddle through as parents, doing your best, picking and choosing the parenting advice that works for you.

As your DD is still young (a baby or toddler?) I hope there will be plenty of opportunities through baby or toddler groups or activities (or even at school gates) to meet other like minded mums who you can relate to as a parent better and that you find more supportive.

@Didshereally yeah I could call them out in theory, but one of them in particular is very stubborn and would just argue with me and I suppose at the moment I’m avoiding that kind of interaction as I just don’t have the energy! But yes I have been going to some baby’s a toddler groups and there are a couple of women there who I do have a lot in common with and they are very refreshing to be around as they are very open minded people which is great

@Heartshappedsunglasses sorry to hear you’re experiencing something similar. It’s really hurtful to feel judged in that way, it’s been really playing on my mind. I too have wondered if it’s me taking it the wrong way but I doubt myself all the time in general and I should give myself more credit. You know when someone is being rude/judgemental and that isn’t your fault.
Hope things work out for you!

A couple of years ago I realized that a particular group of 'friends' were making me feel anxious. I stopped seeing them and it felt wonderful!

I don't miss any of them at all. Sometimes you have to concentrate on what's right for you.

@Aquarius1619
It's good that you've met a few like minded parents at baby & toddler groups. They sound more fun to be around! I found friendships changed over the years and I like to spend time with supportive people not those who cause me angst or unnecessary drama.
I hope you've had better week than the last few.

Ps. I understand not wanting to call someone out but you don't need to engage in an argument , just state that it 'sounds an unkind thing to say and you're sure they couldn't possibly mean it that way'. If they continue justifying (trying to argue) just reply that you don't want to hear anymore and walk away. I find the 'Thats quite enough' said in a Nanny McFee voice very effective

Or silence to their comment, long pause blank expression and a ' Yes well... (that's quite enough.. or)... ahem.... so who's for biscuits ?(talk to children deliberately ignoring her)'

It's quite cutting when someone goes silent and makes it obvious they are ignoring your last comment. Don't engage at all in what they are saying. Keep long pausing ... ahem no... and going over to children to chat about anything else (even if they can't reply) and leave judgyparentfriend's comments hanging in the air.

Like someone upthread said - no need to make a big gesture of cutting them out of your life, but maybe just focus on other friendships. Being a parent tests friendships and magnifies differences in us as parenting is a very individual personal thing that we all have strong views on. I must admit some of my friends style of parenting doesn’t sit well with me, but mine might not sit well with them either. So I guess we all bite our tongues to stop being judgemental. Maybe in years to come the dynamics of your friendships may change again, and they might fit into your life better.