Or are nights out always a bit crap after dc's?

[Sixteenbars]

I went out to a nice restaurant with some friends tonight. My dp gets back too late so I asked my DM to have the children until I got back. I know she prefers to have them at hers so she and my DSF can carry on with their dinner plans, drink wine etc.
I dropped the dc's (3 and 4) to DMs then it took me an hour to get into town and park. Reservation was at 7. Had a lovely meal and then around half eight I get a text from DM that dd was upset and that they didn't think she would sleep without me here. So I drove back, getting back around half nine. Dd was asleep so this outburst was just tiredness. DS was still playing with toys, no pyjamas on, teeth not brushed, eating biscuits. As I was back DM and DSF stopped and left me to it (obviously as he's my kid!) and so there I was trying to get him to sleep at 10pm in the smallest single bed whilst DSF loudly roars with laughter in the living room.
I suppose I just feel like what's the point for less than two hours of being my old self? This evening has been mainly me driving, as we live closer to town, half hour one way and then an hour back to town then back again then I'll have to drive back to ours tomorrow, plus getting kids up and out early on a weekend when at ours we could have just slept in and had a lazy morning at ours.

This isn't the first time. Very often I enjoy nights out but the planning, logistics, stress and childcare side of things makes me feel like it's all too much hassle. Any tips?

Get better babysitters sorry but I think that's a pretty poor show, if they didnt want to have the children then say but to not even try and stick to a routine and then ring you after an hour and a half is shit.

I do agree though nights out after kids arent the same, you still have to get early and be a functioning adult the next day and it's always at the back of my mind so I can never properly enjoy myself.

Maybe next time arrange it a bit later and get DCs asleep in bed before you go?

@Digitalash yeah I think that might be key, I don't really like clubs but coming home at half eight was a bit of an anti climax.

I’ve had a few nights like this. I’ve found it a great excuse to bail on a mediocre night out.

Why don't you go out on a Saturday instead? Would your DP be home to look after the DC?

No, nights out should not be like this after having children. My husband or parents would have never called me back from a night out unless it was a life or death issue!

Next time ask someone less flaky to have the kids and go out and enjoy yourself. Coming home at 8.30 is ridiculous!

@StinkyWizleteets what about good ones though?

Get yourself better babysitters would be my tip too.
Ask around - there will be teens willing to come to your home who will do a far better job and mean you don't have to drive your dc anywhere.

I have great nights out. When my mum babysits DS she would never dream of asking me to come home halfway through.

Sorry your night was ruined. In all honesty it sounds like your parents either can't or don't want to cope with the DC.

I would find different babysitters.

Have some nights where the whole family goes out late with another young family , Digitilash has great plan of some nights meeting friends for a late dinner -would Dh be home by 7.30 ?
Dont stay overnight at Dm's? Save your Dm's babysitting for daytime, weekend? Maybe ask your DM if she would mind babysitting for 2 hours on a weekend so you can have at a lunchdate with your Dh somewhere near her place.

@Waxonwaxoff0 yeah they're great in all other aspects! If I ask to have them when I work then they collect them, feed them, drop them back. It's just night time, whether they just feel it's not as important or they get tired and just want them to sleep I dint know. I nearly always get a text saying 'are you coming back yet?' Or 'dc is missing you' it's so off putting. My in-laws just flat out refuse to babysit after 5pm so we don't really get to go out much.

Totally agree with everyone who's posted. Get better babysitters and preferably have kids asleep before you leave. We use one of the staff from our childcare centre for babysitting - it means she's more expensive than average, but the kids love her and we know she's completely capable of handling anything that might crop up, so we can head out without being interrupted or worrying

I'm off out tomorrow night (my first club night in 5 yrs woohoo!) and I'm making sure DD is full of food, burnt up all her energy and snoring before I even leave my DM's. Thats the key to having a good evening/night away from them.

Don't give up on Dm, it is lovely she is offering. Mind only did when I had to go to a funeral of a coworker's child. I would hang on to the offer and make it work for you as well as Dm, and organise other babysitters as well as that.

Can you take turns babysitting with your friends ? Or as others say pay someone monthly so you can go out with Dh at night?
Go out more without the children, it is crucial you get a break! Hope you can keep trying to make it work.

@midsummabreak most of my friends don't have dc's. I think my dc's are quite hard work, they don't go to sleep for us until 9 most nights!
Yes it is lovely of my DM. I do appreciate it.

That sounds like a lot of effort for just a short time at a restaurant.

As others have said, you need better babysitters. It seems quite odd for your mum to call you to come home so early without there being a more serious problem.

A babysitter being at your home would be less disruptive for your children or going out at a time or day when your DH can be home with his children, would be better.

Can you go out more locally? An hour driving each way is a bit of a faff, especially if your time out is a bit limited.

Going out does tend to get a bit easier as the children get older.

@Lindy2 it's only thirty minutes from mine but an hour from DM's. Most of my friends like the trendy, Osakan street food pop up canteens which are usually in the centre, all we have around my way are Harvesters!

I used to do baby sitting in my late teens. The toughest children I looked after were 3 children under 4. The eldest boys would play up all evening wrestling and threatening to wake the baby. I’d usually get them in to bed just before the parents got home around 11pm. When they asked how the children were I would always lie and say “absolute angels, no bother at all”

Maybe you just need to pay for a babysitter. My parents and in-laws find my 2 young kids too difficult and I don’t blame them.