To be pissed at teachers for this

[Flimflamfloogety]

My 4yo has been saying all week that he has no friends... I know this to be false as I drop him every morning and see him run off with his mates.

One day this week he was distraught because he had nobody to play with at lunchtime, he sat by himself on the steps somewhere all through the break. When I pushed him on why, he said his 2 mates had been given a new buddy each and he wasn't allowed to play with them.

I asked the school the next day and they said he could join in and would tell him this.

Anyway I checked with one of the mates parents who said the previous week a game between some of the boys had got a bit out of hand so the teacher split them all up. As far as I can tell my DS wasn't involved in it but his friends were (teacher hasn't raised any concerns about his behaviour).

I'm absolutely raging that my child has lost his 2 friends. The boys still won't play with him as they're under the impression they're not allowed and obviously don't want to get in any more trouble.

My DS and the 2 boys always play together, could the teachers not have given my DS a buddy too... Or added some calmer kids to the group as a whole? It really feels like my child is being punished. Not only that, removing friends seems like a really draconian and cruel punishment for 4/5 year olds.

I've told DS to go and play with anyone he wants, just join in whatever game they're playing. He did this today with some other boys he doesn't usually play with. But he's not been himself this week and has been really down about it.

Am I overreacting or is this a really bizarre punishment? Would really appreciate options from any teachers on here of you're reading

@Pomegranateseeds

Yes we've explained this to him. Perhaps the other boys don't know though. So I'll raise the concern at parents evening.

@ActualHornist you may be right I need to step back. It's heartbreaking to see your kid that upset. He's not usually so sensitive. He's quite chilled, brushes most things off and generally quite confident. To bring this reaction out to n him shows just how much it's upset it... To the point he's now afraid to approach other kids. I worry that it's knocked his confidence and set him back a bit. When he was telling me it was heart wrenching. But will see how next week goes and speak to the teacher at parents evening with a clearer mind.

I'm not sure how on board I am with this social engineering... I was completely unaware this went on. Things have clearly changed since I was a kid, we were just left to it and had to sort out own dramas out

The teacher told you that your son can play with one of the pairings so is your son choosing not to play? Some friendships can be toxic and perhaps one of boys parents have complained hence why they have been split up. Doesnt seem that anyone is stopping your son play with either of his friends and their buddy. Perhaps encourage dc to make try playing with new people

Bet you have made this into a big thing and that's what's made your child more upset than he probably was in the first place. Boys brush this sort of thing off and now Mum has come wading in. He's seen you get into a flap about it at home, talk to teachers, question other parents. Just leave it alone and the things sort themselves out the next day. The teachers will think you are one of those parents. You arent even there at playtime. We've all had our kids tell us they didnt have anyone to play with, bet he sat on the steps for about 5 mins!!