Never a “right” time to have a baby

[Bubblemonkey]

My fiancé is dead set on there being a “right time” for babies to come into the picture... speaking to people, there’s been a few who’ve said there isn’t a right time... I’m babbling here...

Right time to have babies, or nah? 🥴

I don’t think there’s ever a perfect time, but there are definitely ‘better’ times - when you’re financial secure, in a long term strong relationship, when you have space in the home etc, when you’ve been in a job long enough to get decent mat leave.
Obviously it’s different for everyone and not always possible to line everything up, but it’s easier if you have the security to do so

Saved some money, made sure all debt was paid and even planned for a November baby

Haha, we did similar. Ours was planned as an October baby and ended up a 7 week prem August baby and I spent 9 weeks of my pregnancy in and out of hospital.

I think there is a right time. When you have space, the income for childcare, a secure job with good maternity benefits and aren’t in the middle of career change/huge renovations/grieving etc etc. Obviously not always possible to wait for the right time without risking declining fertility, but the idea that there’s never a right time or that there’s no point thinking about logistics is farcical IMO

I don't think there's ever a perfect time but there are times where it's irresponsible. It doesn't sound irresponsible in the case of you & your partner though & with endometriosis you can never be too careful about leaving it late. We were ttc for 3 years before I got pregnant, although were not aware I had endo until a laparoscopy where it was confirmed & ablated. I got pregnant 2 months later. However my consultant did warn me that the endo could come back at any point (or not at all) & that it also could cause infertility so to plan my next pregnancy accordingly & to see a professional if there was no luck after 6 months.

I would have this discussion with your partner to see if this changes anything on his part, especially seeing as you have adhesions. Honestly the stress of not being able to conceive is brutal. I'm now pregnant with DS2 who took 5 months to conceive & because I knew about my endo this time, every month I got my period was a struggle.

I’m due a baby any day now and I can assure you it’s not the right time to have a baby.

Joking aside, there is a wrong time to have a baby, but never really a right time unless you’re rich, 28 and have an army to help you.

I think there is a 'right time' and your fiancé is being very sensible to plan for it. Please get married first, for the legal protection it will offer you. And personally I wouldn't have wanted to have a baby at 27, but that's just me (I had my DS at 43, which I know is considered far too old for many but it was the 'right' time for us, and now, 20 years later, I still wouldn't change that decision).

Agree with others: there are degrees of "rightness". If you want a reason to keep phtting it off though, you'll always find one.

I think there's a right situation to be in. Stable relationship, enough money to cover costs, both people being on the same page

I'd get married first if that's your plan.

No ‘right’ time.

But I think there are plenty of windows of ‘good enough’ time. As you are probably in one of those, but no need to worry or rush either. This window is probably quite wide at the moment for you.

Clearly this is not the right time for you to have a baby as your dp is not yet ready to become a parent.

There will always be better circumstances for when to try but one thing you cannot change is someone’s willingness to parent.

I would have to be married and was first.

I agree with lots of PP's - there might not be one specific 'right' time but there are definitely windows of 'better' times. Stable relationship, financially solvent, suitable housing etc. etc. All the unromantic things that make a newborn slightly more manageable! However plenty of babies appear out with these parameters and people do just fine.

I wouldn't say there's necessarily a completely right time, but there are plenty of wrong times. It gives you a much better chance of having as good a time of it as you can if you're in a serious relationship, either marriage or agreed and planned cohabitation rather than sleepwalked, and both parties want a child. If you're both working, securely housed and have some savings behind you.

Your endometriosis is obviously a complicating factor: I was going to say you can take at least a couple of years before giving much thought to this even if you want a baby by 30, until I saw that.

Do you want to get married? If so I'd do that first.

Often when someone gets fixated with the right time, it gets put off for ages because there's always something else. 'Wait til we get married' turns into 'let's enjoy each other for a year or two first'. Or 'we should wait until you're a bit more financially stable' turns into 'let's wait until I get this promotion or a better job'.
I don't believe there ever is a right time. You're never completely ready. You just crack on and be the best parents you can be.

Right time - Long term committed ( preferably married) relationship
Finished education
Working for a few years
In suitable accommodation
Anything else can and does work but is just so much more of a struggle. If you’re only 27 you have a couple of years before panicking . Get married first .

If you're talking just "feeling ready/perfect time" then there is no perfect time. I dont know a single friend who felt completely ready to have kids. Like for sure they wanted kids, felt practicality wise - it was an ideal time (house, marriage, money etc) but still taking that plunge - you never feel completely ready. There is no time you will feel "now is the perfect time!" Because even if you do - it may not happen then anyways! So if all is good on the more practical side of things- then I'd say go for it. I definitely didnt feel ready to start having kids. I felt apprehensive, could we do it? Will we regret it? Will we be good parents? What if it just doesnt happen? But once it was done and the baby was here.. honestly my biggest regret is not having started sooner! Not because I loved it so much and wished I'd had my baby in my life earlier (lol). But because truthfully pregnancy, labour and the sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn is all so physically taxing! I wish I'd done it when I was younger and had more energy!

I agrer with others - There's no perfect time, butbeing in a good position financially and relationship wise is a good start.

However, just to put a bit of a spanner in the works....we started trying back in 2015. Had been together a few years, no debt, happy and stable etc. But it never happened for us...the long and short of which is after having successful ivf, actually, we are now having a baby in the worst financial situation we have ever been in. We can still afford it, just, but it will be veeeery tight.

I guess the point I'm making is that situations change, really. And if you wait too long and end up the unlucky ones, you might have an even longer wait. Of course, chances are very high you'll have no issues whatsoever, but there could be other things that change unexpectedly too