To walk away from an organisation who persistently address exH in emails and letters?

[UseBy2020]

We've been divorced for most of 9yo DC1's life. exH is an alcoholic who lives overseas with occasional email contact only. He pays nothing for DC1, bought a christmas present for the first time in 2019, and has generally never shown interest in the practicalities of DC1's life.

DC1 has an activity they love and wanted to get some training with other kids in a group setting. There's several local providers, with one being locally more "famous" and expensive than the others. There were forms to fill in, a practical assessment, and then a waiting list. In one of the early forms they asked for the names of both parents and I filled this section in with background explanation that I was a single parent, that exH lived abroad and did not have contact, and that I would be solely responsible for paying the fees.

Today they've offered a place to DC. However, they addressed the letter to both exH and I at my address. This is the 4th time this has happened in correspondence and I have corrected it and explained the situation every single time. The third time I also explained how unpleasant it felt to receive mail addressed to exH at my address.

I now feel like turning the place down and going somewhere further afield, or to a less well-known club even though it would be inconvenient for me and maybe disappointing for DC. I'm half beginning to wonder if someone is doing this deliberately. If that's the case, I really don't want to be dealing with this admin team for the next few years.

I wouldn’t turn down the place if you dd would enjoy it, but I would go and speak to them in person.

I think I'd ask for your ex's details to be removed completely from their system.

Tell them he's dead and they need to remove him from their records.

If you turn down the place they won't give a fuck. Your daughter might though.

It sounds like incompetence on their admin side. Whatever you’re doing is not making them update their records. Eg if you’ve been writing to them I would try ringing them. Ask persistently eg if they say “right we’ve updated the contact info” ask if they’ve updated any separate mailing label, any emergency medical contact info, ask is there anywhere else on their system that has his name, etc.

Obviously you shouldn’t have to, but I’d want to exhaust every option before taking your DC off something s/he wants to do.

Don't turn down the place but do ensure they remove your XH from their records, and kick up a fuss if you have too

Don’t turn the place down. It’s probably one shit administrator, rather than an ideological stand point or someone doing it to upset you.

I’d write a strongly worded letter to the Director of the club describing what has happened and asking them to review their admin procedures.

After a few days pause, I think I'm reasonable to be irritated but unreasonable to walk away right now.

What Smashstore said is likely correct. If I did walk away it would only be to save myself future hassle and irritation rather than imagine it would have any impact on anyone except me and DC. But feeling less tired and frustrated now than last week, I could push back again more firmly or formally.

Yes, I'm only being paranoid about anyone doing this deliberately. Emails and phonecalls haven't helped so far but I haven't dropped by in person or written a formal letter. Looking back at messages, I think that the most senior person on the admin side has lots of different people working out of her named inbox. So probably there's info not being passed on after one person replies to me, and master databases and lists not being updated even when smaller or temporary lists are.

FlaskMaster's suggestion is very tempting but I have the feeling it could somehow backfire horribly in reality. I think I'll settle for never putting exH's name on anything ever again unless the empty space is queried.