47 Help! I’m having a mid-life confidence crisis - AIBU to fit this course with a view to returning to work or am I too old now and should just get a grip?

[inaconundrum]

I’ll try and keep this to the point. Basically, I haven’t worked since I had my first DC when I was 30. She is about to turn 17 and we also have 3 younger children (youngest now in secondary since last Sept). Anyway, all this has been fine, no problems, except that DH is a workaholic etc, but I accepted this when I married him do it is what it is and I can handle him.

However, I’ve been in therapy for about 18 months and I’m not sure if it’s this, or my age as I approach 50, but I suddenly feel this overwhelming need to do more than being a mum and a wife. But then I worry if I’m making a rod for my own back and should just be happy with the fact we have a good life as it is - why add more stress into the family if I don’t need to? Also I sometimes wonder if I’m anxious / depressed but it’s hard to tell.

Also, I know what I want to do and how to get there. I already have an MSc in this area, but I would need to do the professional qualification part and then I could work for myself. I have friends who have recently done similar. But it would take 2-3 years and I’d need to be in college at least 3 days a week by the look if it. Plus the work itself would be interesting but emotionally draining and I’m under no delusions about this and frankly, 4 teens and DH are enough as it is most days.

But then I think, I still have my 50s and potentially 60s to do this so why not? Sorry if I can’t say what it is but I’m worried if anyone is on here who might know me. DH is a bit non-plussed about the idea, tbh. Some friends have said to go for it, others said don’t bother. Also, next year will be full on because I’ll have one doing A-levels and ini applications and one doing GCSEs, so wondering if I should put it off for a year?

Hope this makes sense. WWYD? Am I too old? Any views welcome....

“Do” this course - don’t know why it says “fit”

Do the course. You have 2 whole decades of working life ahead of you. What will you do in 10 years when the kids have all left home and you sit and wonder why you hadn't done anything for you in 30 years!

Do it! You need to have something for yourself. I appreciate that your kids are at an age where they need support but lots of working parents manage. It’s really great that you’re thinking about the next stage of your life. Start planning!

Go for it. I left it too late to retrain to a completely different career (and yes, 55 with 4 years training requirement is too late) and it’s one of my greatest regrets. If you qualify at 50 you will have over 15 years working time left so well worth it.

Do it.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Go for it!

If course you should do it. Love to know what it is

Do it

I firmly believe you’re more likely to regret not going for it.. what have you got to lose?

You’ve spent the best part of your adult life taking care of everyone else.. Now is surely time for you to do something personally meaningful. Doing the course will help you to ‘find yourself’ and give you a great purpose for the future years (when kids are gone).

Seize the day!

You absolutely should do it.

do it.

Of course you should do it. You want to and you can. Why would you not, apart from nerves?

Do it, woman!

Thankyou so much. Yes I don’t want to regret it and I do feel as if this might be the last chance saloon.
But my confidence is quite low - this is what I’m finding all of a sudden. But I just have to get over it.
Thankyou!

I am 47 and two years ago I got into software testing (no background in that) and am now a tester and build (parts of) websites too.

I like having a life outside the home.

I like learning new skills

I like the money

DC def regard me with a bit more respect now that I am less available/running after them so much (sad maybe, but true)

I am happier to spend money on myself now and pay for a PT (harder to justify when au did not earn)

Basically it is all positive, apart from stress days where stuff goes wrong but that is life

Absolutely do it.

No, of course you’re not too old. There’s no such thing. All the happiest people I know doing MAs or Ph.Ds are in their 50s or older, and think how many of the world’s most creative people are decades older than you.

Don’t put it off. You can’t take your children’s exams for them and there will always be more demands on your time and energy if you don’t prioritise yourself. They may well benefit from not having hot and cold running mother 24 hrs a day. And they’ll be so proud of you.

If your husband is hesitant, well ...

Go for it-you’ve still got decades left!

Oh, unless it’s anything to do with education, then...run for the hills.

I’m the same age as you with my children due to go up to senior school in the next 18 months - my plan is to retrain and go back to work ... another 15-17 years of work is possible and will improve my future .

Yes I want to be a good role model for the kids too . It will be a shift because they’ve all grown up with me being 100% available, but it will do them good probably.

DH is a bit lukewarm because, what he’s saying now, is that he wants to retire in a few years and wants me to be flexible to travel with him or whatever. But the thing is, he says this, but I bet he won’t retire early and I’ll just be hanging round then.

100% do it. Your DC will respect you for it.

My SIL was in a very similar situation and trained as a therapist ( I’m wondering if you are looking at something similar). She has done a lot of voluntary work and now has a growing private practice.
She won’t break even on her fees etc but she loves it, it’s important work and validates her. Especially important now her DC are all largely away from home.

It’s actually transformed her. Do it!

fedup - no it’s not teaching!

Good to hear other people getting back into work at similar ages. Very inspiring to hear this because I think some people had written me off, in this respect and it never used to bother me, but now it does.

I bet about 7000% that your dh is a bit lukewarm because he is as used to you being 100% available and running around after him as your children are.

More so probably, as they're moving towards doing their own washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, life admin etc and I assume that he once did all that and worked.

What decisions you dh may make about his retirement aren't directly relevant to your quandry at the moment. At this point in time, you only need to make a decision to do and sort out the practical logistics of doing the professional qualification.

You might change your mind at some point, you might take another path, you might do all sorts of things, but you don't need to think about that now.

Par of what your whole family needs to think about is how they will all step up to do the practical and emotional work at home when you have other demands on your time and emotional energy.

The best, and frankly only, way of them working this out is for you not to be 100% available.

Yes, definitely do it.

I don’t want to regret it

So goes the adage - far better to regret things you have done than things you have not!

One of my access course students a couple of years back was 66. He went to university the following year to study archeology. No particular career in mind, he chose to do it out of pure intrigue.

Go for it, you honestly have nothing to lose.

I think you should go for it.

You are probably feeling like you need to do something now because your children no longer need you to be constantly present and I don't think they are a reason not to have commitments outside the home any more. Three days a week sounds a good introduction.

I expect your wage when you qualify will be handy with children at university too.