My boyfriend is a mummy's boy and I should LTB?

[Loobalou1]

We are both in our late 20s, been together a year and have been talking about moving in together. We currently live an hour apart.

My boyfriend has said he isn't sure whether or not he wants to live with me as it'll mean seeing his mum and family less, he won't be able to pop over anymore to his parents (he currently rents a flat on the same road as his mum) and he won't be able to see his friends as often or spontaneously. He has put a complete downer on the whole thing and says he just 'doesn't think he can move so far away.' I cannot move to him because my career is in my home town, the commute isn't feasible as it cannot be done by public transport, whereas his is in the middle of us both and easily commutable.

I understand that friends and family are important, but AIBU to think that when you meet someone you are serious about and want to live with, these things shouldn't be your top priority anymore? Surely he should be excited about living with me and us being a couple, building a home together etc.

We've also spent weekends together where he will leave my house early, before we have had dinner, so he can 'catch his mum before she goes to bed' or to have dinner with his mum instead. His mum is mid 50s and has 3 other children. He has also said that nobody will ever replace or come first above his mum until he has children.

Reading it back, he isn't committed to you enough to see you as a Partner.

Fair play to him for being open about what his priorities are. But a man like this wouldn't be for me.

I would be moving on and finding someone better suited who wanted to build a life with me.

Not that into you.

LTB LTB LTB

Mummy's boys never change. I've been burned twice- they really do never change.

Unless you're okay with being second best/a back up choice, having his mum intrude on your life weekly (if not daily) and having to fight for his support, leave. Also if you're okay with becoming a step in mum-like figure.

It's a shame because they very may well possess other good qualities, but being so reliant on his mum will overshadow everything.

I think he is making excuses Im afraid .Maybe he does love his DM ahhh! but leaving your house early to have dinner with DM is just taking the piss! He should ask you along ,or stay with you and catch DM later on for Supper maybe . Tell him you need to come first or youre off!

He’s not serious about you. Sorry but that’s very clear.

Also, to those saying being a mummy's boy is a good thing because he respects his family, etc:

You clearly haven't experienced what a lot of us have. Mummy's boys aren't just respectful and big into family- if they were then this would obviously be great.

They are completely under the thumb of their mum. Whatever she says, goes. This always ends up interfering with his and his partner's relationship. The mum tends to exploit the relationship between her and her son and constantly pushes the boundaries. Things like getting a key cut, going around when you're not in, rearranging your home, noseying in your house is only the start of it. They tend to demand to be at every single event, like childbirth, with no regard to the partner's feelings. They put ideas in their son's head. They demand his attention regardless of the situation.

Of course, it's the fault of the son for letting someone dictate his life to him, but this usually is after years of a very unhealthy familial balance. It is very hard, if not impossible, to un-do without some sort of fall out.

Honestly? It's not worth the effort or time. Or the upset. Find a guy who's equally as charming but independent and confident in his own choices. Life will be easier.

He's just not that into you. Sorry.