Sorry for the long post, this is a bit of a complex situation. My DH is an only child and his parents are divorced. Between us our parents are spread out over the UK and US which makes it impossible for us to relocate to look after all of them. This makes me feel terrible, but there's simply nothing I can do about it. All our holidays are spent with them and we skype very often (almost daily) so that they can have a relationship with their grandkids.
Last year my step-FIL passed away after a long battle with Alzheimers. It was a very difficult and heart-wrenching time for MIL. Early in his battle with the illness he was befriended by a 'financial advisor' on whom they came to rely on heavily for emotional support. Let's call him Bert.
Bert detests my family. He is charming when MIL is in the room, but rude and dismissive as soon as her back is turned. We have tried telling her this, but she doesn't believe us. MIL is very sweet but she is also chronically insecure, particularly about what I think of her. Bert plays on these insecurities and, I think, goes out of his way to subtly encourage her to think that I hate her. This is easy because he is there all the time and we're not.
I used to think that Bert dislikes us because MIL helped us get on the housing ladder (she offered, we did not ask) so that our kids could live in a nice area. I thought he was afraid she was being taken advantage of. After FIL passed away, however, we were helping MIL with her paperwork when we discovered something terrifying. Bert had persuaded her to make him her power of attorney. Where she lives that'd give him total control over all her assets if she ever fell ill. We couldn't challenge it because we'd have to pay the legal costs for both sides.
Now, even if he is not a confidence trickster trying to rob her (I have a number of reasons to think he is but I won't make this post even longer by describing them in detail) the fact is that we could not work with him to handle her affairs. It'd make things like sorting out her medical bills near impossible. We'd need the signature of someone we're barely on speaking terms with every time. We begged her to change it. At one point I got so stressed about the situation that I cried in front of her.
She has finally changed the power of attorney, much to our relief, but DH had to really push the issue and the whole business has soured our relationship. She still loves Bert and his wife to pieces and because my DH is... well... her DS... decided to blame me instead, for convincing him to hate her friend. I am hurt by this, but also finding it very hard not to get angry. Secretly I think that she did something really dumb and cost me and DH a lot of lost sleep in the process.
AIBU? I feel like I wouldn't appreciate her intervening in my affairs either, so I take her point. I really didn't want to, but the consequences of ignoring this situation would have been so serious! We're taking the kids to see her next week and I'm pretty anxious about it.