To be a bit upset my childs biology dad has gf?

[Wheetabix]

My daughter is 3.3. Her bio dad has not had any contact with her since she was 4 months old. Of course i wish he was a proper dad but I would never beg, he just hasn't bothered :( shame because she's an amazing clever little girl.
Anyway, I just discovered today he's been in a relationship with a girl since November, infact posting it 9 days before his child's birthday, which he didn't post about or send anything for etc.
I just feel really shocked and a bit angry that girls WANT to be with men who abandon their own flesh and blood. I really hope she is aware of the child he has, but since he has no mention of her on his main Facebook account, it seems less plausible. I don't think I'll do this because I don't want the drama but one side of me wants to message this girl and make sure she knows. I would want to if it was me in that relationship!
How do I stop being bothered by this? I don't know who I'm bothered more by? Her dad for 'moving on' from his responsibility or the girl who wants to be with him when he's nothing 🤔

Exactly @dayowl we all think and feel thing we don't want to or know we shouldn't, we're human 🙃

Since he has been out of your lives since she was 4 months you should be grateful he has all but forgotten you two. What if he or she suddenly want to have her each other weekend to play happy families together? Best to have them not know.

Give it a year and chances are she will be posting about the evil ex withholding contact, and what to do to force mum to stop being so mean.

Posts pop up all the time. The new gf finds out and she wants to sort it out.

All you can do really is make sure he his paying support for her. The rest of it, at the end of the day it his worthless.

You are asking for advise on how to stop being bothered by this, then stop looking at his social media!

There is no excuse for his rubbish Fathering skills, however you cannot expect him to not have a girlfriend or family in the future!

People are happy to believe what they want to believe. My sister had a boyfriend for a while who had 4 kids he didn't see, with 2 different mums and my sister sat there telling me how awful these women were. Apparently they had "banned" him from seeing his kids and also stolen money from him and destroyed his credit rating. That boyfriend ended up taking multiple credit cards and loans out in her name then threatened to kill her when she went to the police. Even after all that she still occasionally mentions how awful his exes were to him (they're not together anymore but it comes up in conversation). I think it suits her to think his behaviour to her came out of the blue and there was no way she couldve known....

(Not that I'm blaming my sister for her choices, just that its human nature to believe the things that make them feel better)

Ah it's a horrible situation and understandable that you're upset.
He's a shit really.
I would suggest just blocking his Facebook and never looking at it again, it won't do you any good at all.
This girl will probably have no clue he has a child or he's told her some cock and bull story so she doesn't have all the facts.
He's the one who's really missing out here.

Thing is some women have such low standards that having abandoned dc etc just doesn’t put them off. Desperate for attention and a man is a man I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️Bit tragic when you think about it

Honestly delete him off your Facebook. He doesn’t want to play daddy to your child, that is never going to change. So stop with the Facebook stalking....

Don’t tell whoever his currently shagging he has a child he doesn’t see, 100% his told her she just doesn’t care

I think you’re putting the blame on a woman who you don’t know and who most likely isn’t aware of her boyfriend’s lack of interest in his daughter’s life. For all you know she’s been fed the “my ex is a crazy bitch who won’t allow me to see my kid” line that so, so many of these men tell their current partner about why they don’t have anything to do with their own child.

And for your own sake and to help you heal and move on from this waste of space, block him on social media and don’t check up on him again. Not for his sake but for yours.

Agree with you!! Any parent that doesn't see their own should ring alarm bells with any new partner!
And of course you'd be annoyed that he seems to be making an effort with her than with your dd. Unfortunately that's not going to change so block him on fb and try not to think about him, easier said than done I know but he seriously doesn't deserve the energy.

Please maintain some dignity and don’t contact the woman.
And I wouldn’t bother with Facebook at all, or at least not his profile. He is of course, totally unfair for being absent and not paying any maintenance (unless he does?) but other than that... you cannot be this invested in his relationship with someone else...
To sum up - no OP, you’re not unreasonable for being bothered by it (we can’t help that) but I do think you need to find some strategies to get over this issue or it will follow you around forever.

YANBU, I'd always be deeply suspicious of any man who didn't have contact with his kids, whatever story he had to explain it. Likewise a man with a string of awful exes when he was nothing but kind and considerate.

Given that he's a useless father it's probably better for your daughter to have nothing at all to do with him. When you see the stress some people have sorting out access when they don't come / won't swap an important date, clothes not being returned, bad environment for a child, missing a birthday or Christmas with your child etc etc... Might you not see it as a blessing that he isn't involved?

I get where you’re coming from op. I felt the same when my ex was dating someone. I couldn’t understand why a woman would want to date a man with 4 kids he doesn’t see! But the truth is some people just don’t care!

Can't believe so many pp on here are advocating women not sticking together and victim blaming OP and exs gf.

Wheres it written women have to band together?

And who is victim blaming? Where is there victim blaming at all?

For everyone saying don't message her, I literally wrote in my post I wasn't going to. I'm not immature

You didnt. You wrote I dont think I am going to. That implies that you havent yet decided, but probably not going to do it. Not 'I am going to'

I've been where you are and understand what you're saying OP. I think deep down what you're aggrieved about the most (and rightly so) is that your ex has made the time to form a relationship with another woman, but not the time to maintain a relationship with the person who should be the most important person in their life. It's hurtful, very very hurtful and you are angry on your little one's behalf. As for the other woman, the chances are she doesn't know your child even exists, or your ex has told her that you are a bitter ex who is making contact hard for him. Or perhaps she does know the truth and chooses not to care, in which case she and your useless twat of an ex deserve each other don't you think?

I was with my lying ex for three years before I found out he had a 14 yo DD that he never saw. Despite me asking at the start of the relationship if he'd been married before, and had any kids.

There's a chance she doesn't know.

Erm.....he’s not a Dad. Never been a Dad. Think of him as a sperm donor. He’s moved on to another unsuspecting female. You however are lucky, you have a daughter you love. Focus on her and not some passing mistake. Positive will always be more rewarding than negative.