NC as don't want this linking to my normal profile.
11 years ago I made the decision to go NC with my paternal family.
My parents divorced when I was 2 and there had been low level emotional abuse through my life.
My father made up lies during the custody hearings about my Mum that she abused me, neglected me and so forth. My grandparents had been the driving factor behind this as they said they wanted me. At the end my my father said to my mum that he had made it all up and he was sorry and that his parents had made him say it. His parents were very domineering and are one of the reasons my parents split up.
My father sold the house and entire contents including my pet rabbit when he and my mum had a weeks break so my mum could consider the options she had.
My mum tried to remain neutral through my childhood and i had access to my grandparents and father. My father openly said at one time he wasn't interested in my as his current girlfriend didn't want children.
My grandparents and aunt came without fail for me every fortnight. My father appeared sporadically through my early childhood.
He appeared at the glory moments like when i gained my alevels. Or went to uni. To be able to say "look at my daughter..." though it was my Mum and long term partner who raised me.
My father remarried when i was 8. His new wife was very pally. Tried to be like a sister with me. Then accussed me of things like flirting with her brother (I was 8!) And begging for money. This was simply not the case.
My father and his wife had my half sister when i was 16. She was my world.
When i was approx 24, i was contacted by someone who said they knew my uncle who had disappeared 10-15 years before and that he wanted to be in contact with his parents. He had leukaemia. I put this onus on my father. It was not my decision to make so i merely gave the information to him to make an appropriate decision. He passed the info to his parents. I asked that my details were not shared as i frankly didn't know my uncle. He had a history of theft, fraud and alcohol abuse.
My grandparents ignored this and he contacted me. I was cross and made my feelings very clear. From that moment of standing up to their bullying, i was ostracized.
Eventually having had enough i cut contact.
My aunt made contact with me as my Nan was dying. She made it clear no one wanted me but she was carrying out my Nan's wishes.
I wrote Nan a letter basically saying i did love her but couldnt expose myself to them and their abuse.
I received my Nan's death notice in the post some time later from my granddad saying i killed my nan.
My aunt contacted me some time later again that my grandfather was starting with dementia and wanted to make amends. I said no. I was not appeasing a man and clearing his conscience because he was now regretting his past decisions.
Note it was never my father who got in touch
I have sporadically sent my sister messages such as wishing her happy birthday. I explained I couldnt be part of her life but i loved her and that one day, when she was older, i would explain why.
She turned 17 2 days ago. I wished her happy birthday a few days before. She said she wanted contact. That me just disappearing had caused her all sorts of emotional problems and she had had counselling.
I tried to explain, without too much detail why i wasn't in contact and when she pushed, i explained in more looser terms what had happened.
She said that she would love to be in my life.
I have a son who doesn't know anything about that side of my family. I have a happy life on the whole and don't want to invite upset and friction.
But i also feel sorry for my sister and my son.
So... TLDR...ive bee NC for 9 years.. should i contact my sister and potentially open myself to further upset...
YANBU. No. Leave well alone.
YABU. Yes make contact