Have you noticed this behaviour? It's everyday sexism, right?

[paintedfences]

I'm a member of a local community Facebook group with around 16k members, mostly people asking about what's on, new cafes opening, what's going on with the bins, all ordinary community stuff. Generally a nice place.

A few months ago someone posted something about a behaviour that happens in it on a fairly regular basis. And I’m interested if others have seen it too, and if you'd consider it as bloody sexist as I do.

It goes... someone with an obviously female name or profile pic asks a genuine question, and amongst the responses will be some bloke poking fun and wilfully misinterpreting the question to make her look stupid.

Woman then feels the need to go along with the hilarious jape - because who wants to be a humourless, offence-taking misery guts?

IABU to be pissed off with it? Some poor women has asked about the price of a local takeaway going up and whether they had new owners, and the first post is some random guy making out her question is the most moronic thing ever asked.

Similarly, a few months ago I asked if anyone had a sourdough starter because mine had died, someone said yes, I went to collect, total non-event. Then some bloke bumped my actual post a couple of days later to ask what had happened and that the community 'awaited an update with bated breath.' I mean, what? how very dare we use the group for its intended purpose? (I laughed it off but a) it pissed me off and b) I found it a bit creepy - it's my local area and I didn't want to antagonise this weirdo.)

IABU to think this is a thing that happens quite a lot? And that women should be able to communicate like normal human beings about normal bloody things without being mocked because they're considered somehow 'fair game' for some nitwit that wants to show off how clever he is?

I was sorely tempted to post on the group itself with the above, but then I chickened out and came here. You may as well tell me if IABU for that too!

yes, this is everyday sexism. Unfortunately, nothing is gained by pointed it out to the assholes doing it as they are usually out of reach mentally.

Maybe
I've seen women do this on here.

Some people are just idiots - male or female

So tempted to post the above on the group. Seriously fucks me off when I see it.

The thing is we are a fair game since we are not defending ourselves. Well, I am, but as you can see most aren't.
It's shit and it shouldn't happen, but it is happening and we have two choices imho.
Smile and nod and make them think it's ok, or tell them they are being stupid and could they kindly fuck off.

I agree fully. And yes women can do this too just as women can be violent and can be sex offenders and in and on.
It’s a common behaviour experience and wearing form women. Some men do it purposely. Some men have no idea what they are doing. Some men treat women like fellow human beings.

I think a lot of women do it to. I probably do if I feel like it’s an idiotic question.
But if it seems overwhelmingly men then I then it might be more to do with your area!!

It happens a lot on our local group too. So much so that a lot of women have given up posting.

Is it sexism or would the same have happened if a bloke had posted your message?

Cut and paste this
Say are you sure you meant to post this?

And use it every time

TBF that kind of behaviour happens on here too.

I think some people are just dicks

Sometimes I think it's just their crap attempt at public chat, but sometimes it isn't. On our local group recently a woman asked for recommendations for a local cleaner, and some utter arse replied "How about your good self love? You ladies are great little cleaners" Twat. He was kicked out of the group the next day!

I think the response to the sour-dough bloke might have been 'you should get out more if this is the highlight of your week!'

Around the world...

That isn't the cutting comeback you think it is.

Yep I agree.
Everyday sexism that needs an answer. I would that guy out every time you see him doing that.
What I wouldn’t do is put a post along the lines of your OP because it’s not going to go down well, quite the opposite. But pointing how ridiculous he is every time will. The ‘you should get out more’ is a great answer.

Btw the ‘hilarious jape’ answer from some women is a protective mechanism. That’s what we have been taught to do when facing such a situation because you don’t want to antagonise the poor little man (or else face his wrath).
It can be hard to shake both because we aren’t always aware if it and because it feels so wrong to do so (and then you need to be ready to face the backlash too - sometimes it’s easier just to go with the flow)

I wasn’t trying to be cutting. I was trying to be very boring and monotonous. I think that’s the best way to deal with it

I don’t think it’s a female thing. I recently witnessed a tirade of mocking messages targeting a male poster in a local group who was concerned about the increasing presence of badgers in his back passage (behind his house).

Yep. I challenged two blokes on a work-related FB page the other day; a woman asked a perfectly reasonable question, and two blokes basically sneered at her competence and suggested she shouldn't be doing the work. I did consider asking whether they'd give the same response to a man but decided I didn't want to attract a load of abuse myself so just stuck to pointing out they were rude and mean-spirited. Quite a few people, men and women, liked my post and another woman made a similar comment to mine.

I don't know, those local FB pages are pretty unpleasant places all round. I don't think it matters if the asker is male or female. Maybe it's sexist that you only notice when it happens to women

It is and I’ve noticed that kind of thing too. Best thing to do is write a mocking reply back I think. Even better, do that when you notice another woman has been the target. Must let them know we’re not easy targets after all.

It’s fairly evenly balanced on our local page. People take the piss out of people.

I think a lot of women do it to. I probably do if I feel like it’s an idiotic question.

Why?

Our local town fb mums group excludes men (despite getting several requeats a day, often from eastern europe 🤷‍♀️) and it is a wonderful supportive space. I would feel very uncomfy asking anything there if it had men in it. Because there’s always a few of the type you describe.

@JassyRadlett
Actually I’m not on FB. So I probably don’t really do it the same way.
I think I meant more replying to someone and being a bit
Which is probably not the same. I actually find FB really crazy! So I left it and now I don’t have to hear random rantings. Well aside from on here.

I wonder if your post appeared below something more serious, thereby making your point look a bit "first world problem"? That's all I can think of. Although I have seen both sexes posting sarky stuff like this, it's more often men.