Dd struggling at school

[Peppapug71]

Hello, I’m worried about my dd. She’s in yr 6. She has always struggled with friendships at school. I don’t know why. She’s been bullied quite badly in the past and is now quite anxious - she was diagnosed with anxiety and ocd last year by our GP. Her hands are raw from constant washing which she does when she is stressed. Recently another girl from her class whom she was friendly with has started talking about dd behind her back, she sends her lots of unkind messages, things like repeated thumbs down emojis with no explanation and generally being odd with dd. Her mother even told my dd off in a local shop for ‘not being nice’ when I wasn’t there. Dd was absolutely distraught. Dd hasn’t done anything. (Another parent heard and told me) I’ve told the other mother not to talk to my dd but to speak to me if she’s got a problem with my dd. The mother has sent me some confrontation texts now. I haven’t responded. I’ve told the school about the problems dd is having and I’ve reassured dd that I’m here if she needs me. I’ve given her a notebook to write her worries in. She being seen by the school nurture team. I’m so sick of my dd having problems like this. I know girls can be like this - is there anything I’m doing wrong?

I can’t offer advice, I’m afraid. My daughter is also in Yr 6 and is having a rough time of things, but nowhere near as bad as your poor DD is facing. She and I are counting the months down to secondary school. We’re talking about activities she can do there and how her social circle will be wider than it is now. It’s not an immediate solution, but seems to be reassuring her that things will soon change.

Best wishes to you and DD. Hope there’s light at the end of this tunnel for her x

My DD was like this too in year 6.
We encouraged out of school activities and lots of chats about how she was feeling.
She’s in year 8 now and has a great friendship circle, even though a good 90% of her primary class went to the same school she barely has anything to do with them.
It was an awful time and I despaired at times but we got through it.

My son is in year 8 now and has had some friendship issues. I was never sure if it was partly him or if he just had bad luck with meeting people. He’s much better now, the problem was he was very emotional. He’s managed to channel it better now. Doesn’t cry like he used to (that made him a target). He also loves the independence of secondary school.

My daughter is in year 6 and she’s much more resilient / confident than my son. She doesn’t ‘waste time’ on anyone who doesn’t make her feel good. She goes and helps out on the infant playground or in the library on her own sometimes. She doesn’t have any issues really but she’s just more able to meet her own needs than my son was / is.

I have done a lot of work with both of them around friends - what we want from a friend and what we should be. How it feels when someone mistreats us and what we can do about that. Meditating is lovely I’ve found.

They both do a couple of extra curricular activities so have a wide circle of friends in different places which has definitely helped.

I found that I got way too involved, especially with my son and so he didn’t have the tools to manage these things on his own. I feel bad but I’ve learnt from it now (I think 🤣). I’m not sure if I’ve been of any use here but good luck x

Thank you for your replies. I’m sorry you’ve had or are having similar issues but I’m relieved that it’s not just my dd. So pleased most of your DC’s have found a way through. You’ve given me hope that it will pass xx

I think by year 6 the kids have had 7 years of the same 35 kids and they are ready for something new, there’s 200 potential new friends at high school!
DD really thrived when she got to high school.
DS1 is in year 6 now and he has a lovely group of friends but some awful kids too and I can’t wait till high school and he can get away from them. There was yet another incident yesterday with the boy that has been trouble since reception and I’m sick of it.