to be obsessed with wedding planning before I'm engaged?

[WeddingObsessed]

Name changed because I don't want this frivolous nonsense linked with my usual name...

To be honest, I didn't think I was actually bothered about weddings, but the more I go to, the more I think I want one! DP is gearing up for a proposal. I have told him I am not bothered about extravagant ring/fancy proposal but, in his words, this is 'the one thing he gets to do' and he's going to do it 'properly', whatever that means.

The thing is, I have started wedding planning. I have extensively googled venues, dresses, bridesmaid dresses, photographers, caterers, wedding bands... AIBU doing all this when I am not even engaged? DP is used to me and thinks it's mildly, eye-rollingly amusing, but I have played down the extent to which I am already obsessing about table plans and guest lists.

I started from the point of view of assessing the budget (I think this is sensible - I have subsequently funnelled off a separate little savings account which should be suitably full in 1-2 years), but I am worried it is starting to get out of hand...

If you want to vote:
YABU: this is madness; you don't even have a ring
YANBU: failing to plan is planning to fail; keep googling florists...

"If I had my way I would have a super cheap second hand ring, but apparently I don't get to have my way with this!"

Why not? It's you who has to wear it every day.

Seems strange to me though judging by the smiley face and general enthusiasm for having a nice big wedding you'd deep down also be very happy with a brand new and not super cheap ring as well.

I know that weddings mean a lot to most women but it really is just one day. I'm engaged but I'm so happy that we put the majority of our money into our home and are going to have a simple wedding. Each to their own but please try not to get fixated on the wedding day especially when not engaged.

I hope everything works out for you

Just be very sure that when you say "yes" it's the man you're saying yes to and not the wedding.

To be honest it's more exciting before you get married, once it's more real it becomes hard work! It sounds like looking at this stuff doesn't freak your boyfriend out so carry on I guess, but save yourself some of the jobs you are excited about for after you are engaged maybe! Dont want all the fun to be gone :)

I used to enjoy looking at wedding magazines etc. before I was actually getting married. Once I was engaged I had a big row with (now) DH because I wanted the smallest wedding possible and he wanted his dream day 😄 - he did a lot of the planning and the wedding was lovely and not extravagant but I found the lead-up to it kind of nightmarish. So I say enjoy it now. It is a bit like looking at houses etc - when it’s not real you can ‘have’ anything you want with no downsides, which is fun 🙂

I used to faff around looking at dresses, venues, themes etc years before I was in a serious relationship nevermind engaged.

I am now engaged and haven't looked at a thing as well as coming to my senses and have realised there are 2 people involved in this wedding and it's not all about what I want.

To answer your OP, if you really want to waste spend thousands of pounds on yourself for one day's entertainment then it's probably worth taking the time to get it right.
Just be sure it's the right man for all the other days you'll be spending with him.

YANBU. I'm a planner and love looking at and planning stuff. Ignore the fun sponges on here.

I’d say no harm in knowing what you want and being organised BUT I remember after my wedding wondering what was I going to do in my spare time! So carry on, but don’t get obsessed! (I know it’s too late for that so maybe you could get a job as a wedding planner??)

Tbh I think it it's a bit nuts to have both decided you are going to get married but not count yourself as engaged because he hasn't got down on one knee.

YABU.

1. The whole culture of weddings is absolutely toxic and is responsible for so many situations where people get over invested in the wedding and don’t give any thought to the actual marriage. Every week there’s one on here. It sets the worst possible tone for a partnership to obsess about the least important thing. Plus it’s naff naff naff.
2. Why are you considering marrying a man who considers his “one job” to be procuring an engagement ring and doing an elaborate and naff proposal.

Give your head a wobble ffs