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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..to need some inspiration!

18 replies

SunshineAngel · 04/02/2020 13:21

Long story short, it's been decided that DP and DSS would have one evening/afternoon out each week, just the two of them. He lives full time with us, goes to see his mum on the odd weekend. Long story, but basically she walked out on him when he was a baby, hardly had any contact for almost 8 years, then came back in his life sporadically. Fought for custody randomly once, but obviously wasn't allowed it.

It's partly all of our faults, but DP and DSS have stopped communicating well (we're all busy, DP is always knackered from work, DSS just wants to play games), and this all came to a head over the weekend during an argument.

DSS has said he feels like he doesn't spend time with DP. This is true - but that's partly because he chooses to play games with his mates every evening after college, which means he's sat in his room. Both DP and I are always happy for him to come and watch tele with us, or come down for a chat.

So we all agreed an outing each week would be a good idea to help things.

BUT.

They know they want to do "things" together, but don't know what.

They're acting like I'm an idiot for suggesting they need to do "things", but I can't come up with actual ideas.

Last night we went bowling, played on the arcades, then went out for some food. I ended up going with them, but won't be going normally, as the whole point is for the two of them to get to know each other again, if that makes sense!

So far I've got..

  • Out for a meal
  • Cinema
  • Bowling
  • Arcades

Neither of them are particularly outdoorsy. If it was me and my dad we'd have just gone for walks or for a bike ride! It would have been very easy!

Can anyone help by giving me some cool ideas of what they could do together or where they could go? It will normally be on a Monday night after college, meaning 5pm onwards - he goes to bed at 10.30.

TIA, I'm honestly clueless, and need to come out with some decent ideas, seeing as the whole spending time together thing was my idea in the first place!

OP posts:
bugbhaer · 04/02/2020 13:24

I'd leave them to it.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 04/02/2020 13:26

Swimming, fishing and kayaking are the three things the DC here love most to do with DH. DH has zero interest in any of those things but makes the effort because he loves spending time with them.

However, just because you put the suggestion forward doesn't mean you need to offer them ideas; they're both capable of working out what they fancy doing. Don't put this on your shoulders; let them get on with it.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/02/2020 13:41

Look on the tourist website for your town/area for ideas - museums?

Does it have to be a Monday evening? That might be quite limiting if there's a good activity at the weekend or on another day.

Language class?
Another class like cooking or DIY?
Board games cafe or bar?

Our city has a street food section within one of the shopping centres, and one of the cafes has a air hockey table.
Gym/boxing/line dancing
Scuba diving - you can learn in a swimming pool - google your local BSAC club.

Lara53 · 04/02/2020 13:49

Gym
Badminton
Kick a football around
Coffee and cake

BarbaraofSeville · 04/02/2020 13:53

It seems that axe throwing is the latest 'thing' - again google to see if there's a site near you.

Spa evening? Classic Mumsnet way to get away from it all and/or spend quality time together.

How old is DSS - old enough for a pint and darts and or dominos at the pub?

Is there money available for this? Obviously if you don't have endless money they might not be able to do lots of new and expensive activities although you could look to see if there are any Groupon deals or similar.

Whynosnowyet · 04/02/2020 13:54

The thing with you getting involved in the planning is they will expect you to manage /assist in maintaining these things. They aren't both dc and you aren't their dm.
Leave them to it.

SunshineAngel · 04/02/2020 13:58

Thanks to all who offered helpful suggestions :).

To all those who just said "leave them it", do you not understand that I want to help here? Just to get things started! I'm sure they'll soon learn what they both enjoy, and do those things more regularly. It was "leaving them to it" that made the situation get this bad in the first place, so I'll be damned if I'm refusing to help when I know I can.

Axe throwing sounds awesome!

And yes, it does have to be Monday nights, due to work patterns/DSS seeing his mum/having clubs/going to watch the football (season ticket). I know this limits things a little, but hopefully they will still be able to find some fun things to do! :)

Not old enough for a pint yet, another couple of years, but DP has already said he's looking forward to him being old enough so they can go to the pub and watch sport together. So that's promising for the future!

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 04/02/2020 14:01

As an adult your dp needs to pull his socks up and sort it.
Not your responsibility...

averythinline · 04/02/2020 14:09

Karting -? can be good fun and monday nights usually cheaper!

DS and DH go to films... as they like films i dont well sometimes i woudl be its their thing

averythinline · 04/02/2020 14:10

maybe get a cinema pass -

SunshineAngel · 04/02/2020 14:22

@Whynosnowyet With respect, I've just asked for suggestions. I don't need lecturing on whose responsibility it is. You don't know the full story, why this has happened, and that's not a helpful reply :). Thanks anyway.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 04/02/2020 14:27

Can't they both join a gym or a running club?

Foghead · 04/02/2020 14:30

See if there are any classes locally they could attend together. Would they like anything creative like cooking or photography?
Martial arts
Swimming

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 04/02/2020 14:33

Laser quest - indoor paintball type thing?

mytypeonpaper · 04/02/2020 14:36

Paintballing
Indoor rock climbing
Cinema
Trampoline park
Go ape
Fun food restaurant

HopeYouStepOnALego · 04/02/2020 14:59

Golf driving range
Cycling
Our local parks have some free tennis courts
Geocaching
Swimming
Volunteering

bugbhaer · 04/02/2020 15:07

To all those who just said "leave them it", do you not understand that I want to help here? Just to get things started! I'm sure they'll soon learn what they both enjoy, and do those things more regularly. It was "leaving them to it" that made the situation get this bad in the first place, so I'll be damned if I'm refusing to help when I know I can.

But it's not your responsibility. You are completely discounting their ability to take responsibility for their relationship. It's neither healthy nor helpful to Rescue.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/02/2020 15:15

An evening class agreed by both of them, may be language, as previously suggested, may be something like pottery.

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