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Original poster

Fraud from ex what would you do?

37 replies

Greggers2017 · 04/02/2020 12:10

My DP's ex, DSD biological mum has been committing fraud using DP bank card. We have just discovered she has been using his card to buy thing online over several months. The reason we haven't noticed before is because they are for small amount, no more than £30. On occasions there are up to 7 transactions a day. We have gone through PayPal and the bank and found out she has been buying things like household items and clothes.
DSD lives with us full time due to her biological mum having a history of severe mental health issues and neglect towards DSD when she was a baby. DSD has just started having her contact unsupervised for 3 hours every Sunday and we were hoping to be able to work together to build up to overnight eventually.
We were all set for making a fraud investigation with the bank but we are now unsure what to do. We don't want to rock the boat for DSD but what she has done is theft. Do we confront her and inform her we know it is her?

OP posts:
Livedandlearned · 04/02/2020 12:12

I would tell her you know and this time you won't take it further. And change dp's debit card.

Travis1 · 04/02/2020 12:12

How do you know it is her? How did she get your partners details? How much is it for? TBH I'dm probably go ahead with the police and fraud investigation. That way it's the police that 'catch' her rather than you and your partner.

BobbyBlueCat · 04/02/2020 12:13

I'd report it to ActionFraud, Police and the bank.
No question.

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 04/02/2020 12:13

Firstly put a stop on the card.
Then report her to the Police. It's theft pure & simple. Assuming she didn't have permission to use the card.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 04/02/2020 12:20

No she didn't get permission to use the card. We have spoken to the bank, who advised us to call PayPal. They informed us that she has opened a guest account using DPs card details. We know it's her as they told us the address the parcels we're going too and she is the only person who lives there.
We cancelled the card as soon as we found out the transactions weren't ours. Since then the transactions have stopped.
We think they are totalling about £1500 since last June. We use eBay all the time so never realised. We have had to spend a long time going through bank statements to see which are our genuine transactions.
We think she may have taken pictures of DPs card when at our house as she used to come here for contact and we'd go into another room.

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 04/02/2020 12:23

Why would you not report her!? Dsd needs to see irl that theft is theft.
No excuses.

Herpesfreesince03 · 04/02/2020 12:28

Report her to the police op?!

Dontlikeoranges · 04/02/2020 12:28

Honestly, I'd get your DP to speak to her, tell her that you know all about it and ask her to repay the money. Give her a chance to put it right at least

Sounds like she has problems.

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 04/02/2020 12:35

If she took the card details without your knowledge the it's a Police matter for certain. Why would you be nice about this? There is no excuse, nothing you've mentioned in your posts give any excuse or reason to let it go. That's a LOT of money, particularly as you are taking care of the child - she's effectively taking from her too.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 04/02/2020 12:52

@Dontlikeoranges she wouldn't be able to repay the money. She is on full benefits and has significant debts that she got into through online bingo. We have helped her out in the past and she never repayed a penny.

How big of an issue do you think this will cause for DSD?

OP posts:
goingoverground · 04/02/2020 12:52

How old is your DSD? Is there any chance she gave her mum the details to "help her out"? Or bought the stuff for her mum using the card?

Sarahandco · 04/02/2020 12:56

For DSD sake I wouldn't report her, but you should change the cards and let her know that if it happens again you will be forced to report it. Tell her that if you are forced to report her that it will inevitably have a negative effect on her daughter. It sounds like you are already helping this woman, but I think the kind thing would be to give her one chance on this.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 04/02/2020 14:16

DSD is 11. She definitely wouldn't have given her the details, we know that. She also wouldn't buy things for her. She has a lot of anger towards her mum and we are working hard to resolve it. Her mum has done lots of things in the past that have had a damaging effect. This is the latest in a long line of things, but the first where she's actively stolen from us. She opened a catalogue in DPs name and also a mobile phone contract but she did actually pay those off. We didn't report that.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/02/2020 14:21

This is the latest in a long line of things, but the first where she's actively stolen from us.

FFS. She's just going to continue unless you report her. Stop faffing around. This is theft; and not just the once.

It is planned. It is deliberate. And it is continuous.

So you really think unsupervised access with DSD is wise? Does DSD even want it?

BobbyBlueCat · 04/02/2020 14:23

It's a long line of things because you weren't robust enough the first time, OP.
What incentive has she got to stop when you don't do anything each time she fucks up?

HollowTalk · 04/02/2020 14:24

I would report it even though you know you won't see a penny of it again. She sounds like she could be a really bad influence on your poor step daughter.

DGRossetti · 04/02/2020 14:25

Little tip to help is to totally obliterate the last 3 numbers on the rear (the CV2 number) of any card you have (after memorizing it Grin). It's only ever needed for Cardholder Not Present transactions.

Really these days with contactless/C&P you should never let your card out of your hand. But if you do, at least no one can snaffle the CV2 and use it online.

atomicblonde30 · 04/02/2020 14:48

Having been through similar things with my DSD mum I’d report ASAP and to everyone I could. Otherwise like with us if you give her an inch she’ll take a mile. It can get so much worse trust me.

forrandomposts · 04/02/2020 14:54

How on earth does she have the details given how long it's been since they were together?

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2020 15:03

How on earth does she have the details given how long it's been since they were together?

The OP has already said what they suspect.

blackcat86 · 04/02/2020 15:04

You need to report it and allow mum to suffer any consequences.. this will actually be positive to DSD who as you say has anger towards her mum. It isnt helpful to DSD to have her mum break the law without consequence. That's not real life. DSD is old enough to decide what to do (should she ever find out). It sounds like you're trying to protect DSD but I'm not sure that's what's actually happening as much as colluding in mum's dysfunction.

mnthrowaway202020 · 04/02/2020 15:10

The bank may not necessarily refund you unless you also report this to the police. Because of the relationship between the victim and offender (ex wife/partner) they may wonder if he ever comprised his card details whilst they were still on good terms, did he authorise her to use his card in the past, how did she manage to get his details now etc. They will want to rule out that he was complicit in the fraud, hence why they may actually require police involvement to verify his side of the story.

WeHaveSnowdrops · 04/02/2020 15:16

I think you should report her to the police. She'll only do something similar if you let her keep getting away with it.

mnthrowaway202020 · 04/02/2020 15:16

Essentially going nuclear is your only real option to reclaim the costs from your bank.

Has she opened any other credit accounts? She may be paying the phone bill now, but if she stops then your husband will be liable for it, unless he immediately contacts the provider to inform them about the fraud as he’s now aware of it.

He should register with CIFAS for protection against new credit accounts being opened, all new lines of credit will go through additional security verification.

You can also 1. Ask her to pay you back within a reasonable time frame then 2. If she fails to make repayments you can take her to court. However as she has little income and probably no assets, you’re unlikely to see much, if any, of the money again

alliwantisabitofpeace · 04/02/2020 15:31

For that amount of money I would definitely report it and her!

Don't let her make a fool of you again or she will just do it again given half the chance.

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